Ebola was bad. Buyer's Remorse is worse. It's been around since the dinosaur age, the history books say, when a T-Rex ate a Triceratops but then immediately regretted it afterwards and instead wished he'd eaten a nearby Apatosaurus. Since then, Buyer's Remorse--regret or remorse for something one has chosen or bought--is a disease that has affected more and more creatures every year, culminating into the huge problem it is today.

For those who are still unclear about what BR is and how it affects us, let's follow the life of a 45 year-old woman, Muriel Funk, who developed BR at a very young age and still suffers today. This is Muriel's story.

I. The Sister (March 5, 1975)

At three years-old, Muriel's life changed forever when on this day, her mother gave birth to a second child. Muriel had been very excited to be a big sister, but upon beholding her baby sister for the first time, walked up to the doctor, pulled him down to her eye-line, fixed him with a steely gaze and demanded "Put her back!" The doctor, thinking this was a cute little kid joke, laughed in little Muriel's face and walked away. This incident marked the beginning of her Buyer's Remorse, and also her hatred of doctors.

II. The Cat (February 1, 1980)

For her 8th birthday, all Muriel wanted was a cat. After doing extensive research about cats, and writing a 20 page "Why I Should Get A Cat" essay, Muriel convinced her parents to go to the shelter and give her a cat for her birthday. After an hour alone in a room with the cat, Muriel decided she actually didn't like cats. Two weeks later, she returned the cat to the shelter.

III. The Dress (May 15, 1989)

Muriel, a junior in high school, was ecstatic to attend her first ever prom. She was going with a really great guy and a fun group of friends, but best of all, she was extremely excited about the dress she worked all year at the Lumber Mill to purchase on her own. Muriel was on top of the world... until she walked into prom and saw that six other girls were wearing the exact same dress. Muriel was instantly flooded with a regret so strong that she fled the prom that very moment, missed being named Prom Queen, broke up with her boyfriend that night, told all of her friends to leave her alone, and then didn't go to prom the next year.

IV. The Haircut (June 2, 1991)

In the summer after her first year of college, Muriel decided that she needed a change. She desperately wanted a haircut, just a few inches off, nothing too crazy. However, after receiving the haircut and looking in the mirror, she stared in shock at how short it was (even though it was what she asked for). When her hairdresser, Barb, asked "What do you think, Muriel?" Muriel mustered a weak smile and said "I love it." She tipped Barb and then left the salon to sob in her car.

V. The Ice Cream (May 5, 2017)

Muriel wanted to celebrate this year's Cinco de Mayo with some good ol' ice cream, so she went to Dairy Queen and, after spending ten minutes debating getting chocolate or vanilla, ordered a vanilla ice cream cone. However, as soon as she paid for it, she felt a violent wave of regret and longing, when she realized she should have just gotten a twist.

Muriel still suffers from Buyer's Remorse today, but you don't have to. Just live by this classic Buddhist philosophy, and you will surely avoid the deadly BR epidemic for the rest of your life:

Y.O.L.O

Translation: You Only Live Once

Glad I could impart this wisdom on you and also potentially save your life. Live long and prosper!