More often than not, I am physically, emotionally, and mentally drowning in personal defeat and deflection. I target myself and forget that it's OK to mess up, it's OK to have a bad day, and it's OK to just not be OK. I am my own worst enemy, without a doubt, and that has made all the difference in how I have started to allow myself to see things.
But even in all of this one thing breaks through my insufficiency: God's unfailing and patient goodness over the burdens I carry with me. How lucky are we to have such a big God that makes himself small enough just to be with us? But even if I am not, he is still good.
"The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all." Psalms 34:19
I think it's safe to say that every person goes through a bad day or a trying time. It is in these days and these times that I am reminded of something so much greater than I can fully comprehend: The goodness and mercy of Jesus. It is so easy in this day in society to feel as if you are nothing when really you are everything.
The definition of the word definition is a formal statement of the meaning or significance of something. The definition of who you are is not defined by the things that you feel, that you judge yourself with, that you hold above you but of him.
"Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure, remember to whom you belong." Ephesians 2:19-22
My hair doesn't fall the right way some days, my skin breaks out, I'm "not skinny enough" or "in shape," my bad grades define my study skills and that defines me as a person. Wrong, so wrong.
But even if I am not, he is good.
So I completely bombed a test. He is good. I forgot a few things, and it threw my whole day out of whack. He is good. I didn't get any sleep and couldn't get out of bed. He is good. I drowned in my fears and my burdens: he is good. I lost my friends and some of my family. But he is good.
"And your life will be brighter than the noonday, it's darkness will be nothing like the morning." Job 11:17
Some days it feels like the things that tie us down only leave a barrier and the question of why. Why is this happening? Why can't I just have a good day? Why am I constantly buried beneath the weights I carry?
It's OK to not be OK. It's OK to have a bad day, but to also remember it is not a bad life. To experience pain and heartbreak, to breakdown in a raw form of self reflection, to be molded by your personal appearance and opinion, to grasp the actuality of society and the horrifying pegs it can place on you is to remember that even in the mess of life and the chaos that it tags along is to also equally be put in the light of something so much more sufficient than our bad day lets us in on.
His mercies are forever. His promises are forever. His goodness is forever.
So what if you are a bad grade, a bad hair day, a chaotic crying disaster, late, unappreciated, and defeated all together?
"If God is for us, then who can be against us?" Romans 8:31
Because even if I am not, you are not, we are not, he is.