When I was in high school, I experienced bullying.

What you and I think of as typical, traditional bullying. I grew up, and it stopped—except for the occasional person who felt the need to try and belittle me, but by then I was marching to the beat of my own drum.

Since then, I have graduated and moved onto college, but I still hear all about what happens in high schools. Since graduation, I have noticed something that is taking place in all friend groups, and I felt the need to shed some light.

Bullying isn’t what we think it is anymore.

In my opinion—it is worse.

Kids in high school are essentially competing for who has the nicest car, who has the best clothes, etc. You and I are used to the cut and dry bullying where you make fun of someone and that’s that.

The thing that goes on now isn’t really bullying, but it is still awful.

Fifteen-year-old kids are driving brand new cars and if you aren’t just like them, you can’t be friends with them. If you don’t behave and act a certain way, you can’t be friends with them. Basically, what it comes down to is, if you don’t act and behave like the “in” group you are exiled and tossed aside.

You may think, why doesn’t that one child try to be friends with everyone? But, how can they when any attempt they make is thwarted by things they might not be able to control? If you are even slightly different than what someone defines as acceptable, you are not worth their time, and they will not be friends with you.

This is not imaginary.

This is happening in school and it isn’t just one high school. Across the board, kids are experiencing these issues, and just because your kid might not be one of those being scrutinized, it is still a problem. Or who knows? Someone you know could bet the person experiencing this kind of pain and heartbreak from not being accepted and they just don’t’ want you to know.

Never judge a book by its cover.

What this comes down to is one word.

Acceptance.

I know that parents tell their kids when they are little to be friends with everyone, and accept everyone for who they are. Still preach this to your friends, children—really anyone. We live in a time today where we need acceptance for everyone. High school is a time where all anyone really wants is a good friend who will not judge them for who they are. Don’t let your kid, or anyone for that matter, be the one who is excluding people and thinking they are “too cool” to hang out with everyone. Little changes make the biggest impact on everyone.