I think we all remember going with our moms to build-a-bear for our birthdays or Christmas when we were younger. It was so much fun— we could choose a bear, how much to stuff it, how to dress, and a name. We got to choose everything about it and loved it because it was just what we imagined.
It was super expensive, but worth it because we got to make it!
Even though we are older I think we sometimes have this Build-a-Bear mentality with relationships. And it comes at a high price as well. Imagine if they created a "Build-your-own-Boyfriend store." I bet all of us ladies would rush there as soon as we could to create the man of our dreams. He would be charming and compliment us perfectly. But we have to remember, we are not creators, only God is.
Even though there's no physical build-a-boyfriend store, we often adopt one in our mind. We build up the perfect boyfriend in our head. We make checklists of exactly what we want in a guy. We try to build up his looks, his personality, his specific interests before we even meet him.
But I hate to break it to you-you can’t create someone, God is the only creator. Having bottom-line expectations for a boyfriend is good, such as you want someone who shares your faith and values. But we often think, "I want someone with abs" or "I want someone who will bring me flowers randomly" or "I want someone who is a really good cook." This is problematic, because when we do meet a great guy, we will want to change their clothes or inner stuffing to make them just like we desire. We may be closed-minded or pressure people into being what they are not.
My friends, that is not love. Loving someone is not changing them. Loving someone is accepting them where they are and mutually challenging each other. Yes, you can have basic expectations, but the beauty of being in a relationship is loving someone for who they are, without condition. My boyfriend talks about cars all the time, and even though they don't interest me, I try to keep up and learn because that's something that makes him, him. Also, I don't necessarily like when he has some road rage, but I sit there and choose to love him through that. Besides, if everyone found someone just like them, the world would be boring.
So, ladies, we need to stop having this unrealistic expectation of building up the perfect guy in our heads. Love is not found in the build a bear shop. God does much better than us anyway.