Before you read this, please know this does not come easily for me and I do not intend to start a war, however, this has been said but has never been truly heard.

A girl’s first true love is her father. I maybe would have agreed with this statement ten years ago. You pushed me on the swing in our backyard, jumped in the snow with me after a blizzard, goofed around decorating Christmas trees, and scared away the monsters from under my bed. But something happened; you changed.

Today, a distant occasional “I love you” is what I get. I used to stay up late at night watching home videos from when I was younger and I cannot remember those meaningful moments. The hugs and laughs are like a black and white image in the back of my head. I wanted to forget them, and I surely tried. You say it was the past and to forget it, but it is not that easy. I want to burn those images and pretend the old you did not mean so much to me. I have hoped to forget the old you because I lost all hope that you would come back.

I have shed all the tears I could and said all that I could say, but those never seemed to matter to you. You were a man that did something for your kids and became a man that put his kids second. You did things that the old you never would have. You made relations with people that you would never allow me to. Secrets began, and rumors spread. Facebook posts became the new way to find out what you were doing. You began new habits and addictions. You found a new woman, a new home, and you may not understand but you left us. The man who made pasta dinners in a small one-bedroom apartment became a materialistic one. Yes, you may still exist in my life, however, that does not mean it doesn’t still hurt.

I looked out on the parent’s side of the soccer field or basketball court and you weren’t there. I did not go to the father-daughter dances. I did not get to share moments with you that many people do, but I did not expect those gestures. You were a man I once expected to be present but became a man I did not need. You were a man that would know my schedule, but became a man who searched for an invitation. And when an invitation was received, found an excuse.

You say I was too young to understand, but don’t I deserve an answer? Many people believe kids should be kept in the dark, but that is not true. A child sees and hears everything, but says nothing. I witnessed your change and sometimes I wonder if I had spoken up, could I have saved you? I was twelve, but I was not deaf or blind.

Thank you though. Thank you for making my skin a little thicker and me a little tougher. I learned to deal with problems without letting my feelings show. Thank you for showing me that you do not need a man to rely on. Thank you for proving to me that you can’t change someone. Thank you for making me understand you cannot be overly compassionate, or else you’ll just get hurt. Thank you for proving to me that you cannot give out too many chances.

You know how I feel, you have for years, but there is nothing more I can do. Maybe this is my last plea to open your eyes, or maybe this is my way of finding closure. You left for reasons beyond your control. You went to serve our country and that is something I will always thank you for.

You left as one man but came back another. Little did I know that I wasn’t only physically saying goodbye to you as you left for Afghanistan, but also emotionally saying goodbye to the man I used to know.

This article is not for myself only. This is for all the children out there that do not have a voice or an opinion. This is for all the ones that knew one person but had to meet someone new. You may not have been abandoned, but do truly feel alone. You have a voice, don't wait nine years like me.