Brunch is a social phenomenon: overpriced drinks and food, lots of hollandaise sauce, some avocado toast, and having it all recorded on Instagram. But it's so good. Brunch is nothing without the proper beverage choice, and it says a lot about you.
Mimosa
You like brunch because you think it makes you quirky and relatable. You've never bothered to try a different brunch cocktail, but you settled on mimosa because Blair Waldorf talked about them a few times. Eggs Benedict is known as "eggs benny" to you, screw whatever Anthony Bourdain has said about them. Your goal of brunch is to have a fire Instagram post, or maybe just a Snapchat story. But still fire. Don't get me wrong.
Bloody Mary
You think mimosa drinkers are basic and would never stoop to that level, so you get literally the only other brunch cocktail you know. "Guys, it has vegetables. Sorry I care about my health" is your answer when mimosa drinkers say that vegetables aren't meant in cocktails. You have an affinity for playing devil's advocate and probably think you're better than everyone. Maybe you are. That Bloody Mary is basically the equivalent of hitting your daily step goal.
Bellini
You're smart because it's so similar to a Mimosa BUT peach tastes better than orange and it has a cooler name. You're also trying to be "different" and order a fruity cocktail that the rest of the table isn't getting. You went above and beyond with your outfit. Cute? Yes. Are people rolling their eyes at you? Also yes. "Chill" is not in your vocabulary.
Screwdriver
You're secretly an alcoholic. Champagne in the morning for a mimosa? HA. Vodka, please. You justify it by saying "It has orange juice! It's basically a childhood drink!" Nice try.You frequently try to justify your missteps. "I don't need to go to the gym because I had orange juice, which comes from a fruit, so I'm BASICALLY a health guru." "My account is almost empty but having this one drink won't hurt, right?" Live your best life, screwdriver drinker.
Straight liquor
OK SLOW IT DOWN, BUD, IT'S LIKE NOON AT A RESPECTABLE ESTABLISHMENT. If the screwdriver drinker is secretly an alcoholic, you're straight up an alcoholic. Yeah ok straight liquor doesn't have the sugar or empty calories of a cocktail, but c'mon. You have zero boundaries and no filter. You have babysat and slipped a few (a lot of) words that the parents wouldn't approve of. You openly talk about topics with people you only kinda know that most people would avoid. The straight liquor drinker at brunch is sure of himself/herself and it's pretty respectful
Beer
"Just so you know, I'm not like other girls" is a real pick-up line you use on guys without sarcasm or irony. You make sure EVERYONE knows you, like, TOTALLY like football and drink whiskey. You don't have many girl friends because you're more comfortable around guys. Ok. You're still eating avocado toast for brunch, but continue.
Coffee
You had a rough night and NO you don't want to talk about it. You're wearing sunglasses indoors and have to ward off your fellow brunch-goers' sly remarks. The story completely changes if you're having Irish Coffee, however. You're what the beer-at-brunch drinker aspires to be. Beer in the morning? That's cute because I'm drinking whiskey and caffeine. You're also making sure to tell everyone that you're drinking whiskey.