Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up. We all have stupid fights with our siblings. And in my case, even when I knew I was wrong, I still argued with an unfathomable stubbornness.

Growing up as the middle child between two brothers, who seemingly had the sole responsibility of teaming up against me, I was no stranger to this excess of tension. Whether we were bickering over who chose the movie, where we were going for dinner, or what time we needed to leave, there was always something.

But once I began my first year of high school, a changed washed over my relationship with my older brother. He was a senior while I was a freshman, and something about us going to the same school halted most of the stupid disagreements.

All of a sudden we were the same; equals in many ways. During that year he realized I was more than just his annoying little sister—I was my own person and someone whom he could appreciate.

We grew closer in a way we had never experienced and became friends instead of just siblings. Our relationship changed for the better. But once it had, he was heading off to college. He was gone—living somewhere else, immersed in his own transition, and surrounded by his own issues.

It became a privilege to see him during breaks. He was no longer there for the daily things. Our relationship became one of updates.

In the blink of an eye, I was beginning my senior year. With the same age gap between both brothers and myself, I got to enjoy one year at the same school as my little brother too. I took on the role of the protective older sister. I introduced him to all my friends, gave him advice on which classes to take, showed him which clubs to get involved in.

In this year, we experienced the same thing my older brother and I had. You can’t choose to be family, but you can choose to become friends. That was exactly what we had done.

The time flew by, and before I knew it I was headed off to college. Like anyone, I quickly became utterly and hopelessly absorbed in the new environment. The distraction of classes, the appeal of going out, the excitement of meeting new people—it all got the best of me. I forgot to keep the ones that truly mattered close.

It’s easy to forget that time doesn’t stand still when you leave. I walked through the door of my house for Thanksgiving break and was greeted by my not-so-little brother. I swear he had grown six inches.

As we caught up that night, I realized how much he had matured in such a short amount of time. He had to update me on his life, school, sports, friends, on everything. I no longer knew the little things, the insignificant things, and the funny things that he experienced each day. He had to update me.

Just like my relationship with my older brother had changed, so had mine with my little brother. Another relationship of updates.

In this moment I realized how absent I had become. It becomes increasingly apparent with a younger sibling because their life changes like the wind at that age.

I decided I didn’t want to miss out anymore.

My little brother showed me how important it is to call home. He taught me to be present for the little things and to reach out when I can. Being there to help with questions, to give advice, and to offer support is something so easy, but goes a long way.

Since the three of us have been separated, there is no more sibling rivalry. It no longer matters who does the chores or who gets the car or who chooses the show. Instead, this energy is channeled into remembering the good times.

Now my brothers have become some of my best friends. Despite the distance, our relationships have continued to grow. I do my best to make sure we don’t fall into the trap of updates but instead remain consistently there for one another.

Each time we reunite, we can enjoy the time hanging out instead of spending it catching up on the last few months we spent apart. While it’s hard to feel like you are missing out on important moments in your loved ones’ lives, with little bits of effort to reach out we can all make sure we don’t miss too much.

Talking with family can serve as a nice break from the daily stressors of school; they can provide a momentary escape. And we can all offer some perspective from being outside their bubble.

I have learned that absence really does make the heart grow fonder, but despite this absence, we can remain close.

While our relationships have taken on new identities, they have been for the better. Leaving home has brought me closer to my family instead of pushing us apart.

Now we embrace the time we have together and make the most of our days.

Instead of getting on each other’s nerves the way we used to, we are friends just as much as we are siblings—and that is something I will always be grateful for.