2020 really could not come soon enough. I'm over the stress, the anxiety, and the pressure. Of course, that's not to say that all of that will come with the new year as well, but somehow, feeling like you're starting all over again with a fresh slate makes it a bit more bearable.

I'm able to change things I didn't like about myself and continue with the things I really enjoy.

This past year has really been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I dealt with mental health problems I didn't even know I had, family issues, and, overall, just a lingering feeling of dissatisfaction with my life. I'm over feeling sorry for myself and I really want to start living my life instead of just existing in it.

A major part of that for me personally has to do with my physical health. As everyone has done at least once or a million times, I've always set my New Year's resolution to be to "lose weight" or "get healthy." Year after year I tell myself, "I'm really going to do it this time. I am going to look like a whole new person," and end up failing tremendously after the first 2 months and then I just give up. My feelings of self-loathing and hopelessness have always stemmed from my dislike and discomfort of my body. I hate always being the DUFF of my friend groups, the easy one to make jokes about, and the girl who guys go up to say, "Your friend looks hot." I look at everyone around me and can't help but admire their beauty and charm, meanwhile, I feel guilty when I have one too many spoons of ice cream.

This new year is going to be different. Not in the "I'm going to change and magically glow up," way, but in the "I need to stop giving a shit and just live my life" way.

I am still going to try to work towards my physical and mental fitness goals, but I am going to take more time to just breathe. It is going to take some time for me to get where I want to be in my life and to actually be content with myself, but I really do believe that 2020 will be a small breakthrough. It is all about speaking it into existence and if something is meant to happen, it will happen.

I can't wait to hit that refresh button and just start all over again. I have a good feeling about 2020.