What do you do when a person you were counting on doesn't have your back?
We don't often have to ask ourselves this question (god willing), but it does come around every once in a blue moon. We find ourselves in this heavy middle between feeling betrayed and half-expecting the abandonment. The sad part is, as much as you try to count on people, you always have to keep in the back of your mind the fact that they won't always be there for you, even when you need them.
Betrayal can incite a long list of emotions starting with anger and ending in disappointment with a full encapsulation of sadness. We tend to act out in these situations by either saying things we don't mean or saying the things we do mean but delivering them in an overly harsh manner. Because the betrayal catches you by surprise, there's no way to fully prepare for the feeling of defeat, but my one piece of advice is to just walk away.
Take time for yourself to reflect on the feelings brewing deep inside you, whether they be anxiety or ferocity. Step back and ask yourself how you would see things from their point of view in the situation, regardless of your feelings toward them. Sometimes, there really is no excuse for their disconcerting behavior, especially when all it would have taken was making you feel understood and accepted, but to be blunt, people suck. As the saying goes, the only person you can truly count on is yourself. But don't let that discourage you or ruin a friendship, just keep in mind how they acted in a situation when you thought you could count on them.
We're always told to treat others the way we wish to be treated, yet somehow, many people seem to have missed that lesson in their young, impressionable lives. One thing I have to say to you, reader: don't stoop to their level. You know better and no amount of betrayal should allow you to be lesser as a person if even for a moment. As yet another saying goes, forgive but don't forget.
In relationships, we tend to make excuses for the other person. If you try to rationalize their behavior, the situation may be even worse than you think, because no one should ever reflect their personal feelings on your hard time to make you feel lost and alone. Unless you did something wrong to them, if they don't have your back, they aren't being a good friend – it's cut and dry.
At the end of the day, you need to decide whether your friend is truly a friend. If you can sit back and feel satisfied with how they've acted over the course of your friendship with only a few minor slipups, well congratulations, you found yourself a keeper. But if all you can recognize are the downfalls and mixed emotions, it may be time to move on to bigger and better people.
Situations can be black and white if you let them, so stop clouding the air by making excuses for their poor behavior.
Go to the people in your life who you know will support you. If you run to a person who consistently makes you feel worse, it's time to move on. Discover the true friendships in your life and the ones that will stand the test of time, not falter with a small breeze. The only friends in your life should be ones you can count on, so don't be afraid to burn down the broken bridges.