Look, I get it. It’s one thing to say we should all get checked, it’s another to stomp on your squeamishness and make the appointment.
Sometimes, if you’re like me (i.e.: living with mysterious lumps), the appointment gets made for you after your gynecologist decides it would be a good idea to “check it out.”
It’s been four months since my breast screening. I don’t have cancer. But I won’t lie - the months leading up to my appointment were pure agony. I was terrified.
It’s difficult to explain how therapeutic it was to get a mammogram, an ultrasound, and two physical exams. To be seen by five professionals in the span of three hours. It could have a lot to do with the benign nature of the lumps, but I didn’t know anything was benign while the exams were happening. I had an immediate sense that no matter what happened, these people would take care of me.
It’s also a fraught position to be preaching about getting a breast exam (or any medical attention, for that matter) from a position of privilege (i.e.: Canadian Medicare).
I understand that.
I’m not here to make anyone feel bad about not being able to see a doctor. And of course, I was lucky to have a great experience, which obviously isn’t the case for everyone.
That said, here are some tips for dealing with that appointment, if you’re waiting for that godforsaken date to come around:
1. Try not to think about it.
2. Yeah, right.
Think about it constantly. (Especially before bed, when nightmares are brewing, waiting to wake you up with a jolt at 3 a.m.) If you’re going to think about it all the time, which you will, try channeling it into something beautiful, like writing.3. Talk to someone you're comfortable broaching the subject with.
There will be friends who shrug it off, proclaiming they already know you’ll be fine. Don’t hate them, even though it’ll be difficult not to.
4. Lay out the possible outcomes.
But, please, do this logically (because I sure as hell didn’t. Hello, anxiety!)5. Be mindful.
If you’re really concerned about your health, especially when it seems like you have no control over any aspect of it, remember that you do. Take a walk. Go to that yoga class you’ve been eyeing. Eat some fruit. Small actions like this will make your body feel slightly better when your mind is an absolute wreck.
6. It will be impossible to sleep the night before, but please try.
7. When they call your name and give you a hospital gown to change into, wear that hospital gown with pride.
8. And when your doctor comes in, look him/her in the eye.
Laugh at the jokes. It’s not always possible, but being a good sport about it makes the whole situation better for everyone. My skin was probably transparent with nerves, but in my mind, I was a warrior.At the end of the day, you did the right thing. Remember that whatever the results say, you are strong. I promise.