Breaking News: Singleness Is NOT Eternal Damnation

Breaking News: Singleness Is NOT Eternal Damnation

And, spoiler alert, society's standards shouldn't dictate your relationship status.
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“But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” 2 Peter 3:8

For the first twenty years of my life, I was perpetually single. It felt like God had decided to make me wait a thousand years to even be asked on a date. As I watched my friends find that “special someone,” I was convinced that I would never find a guy who saw me as more than a friend. And vice-versa, that I would never find someone who I could click with on a deeper level than just friendship. Over the years, I struggled with the waiting—I was impatient. I wanted to experience that connection, that love that I saw a lot of my close friends shared with their significant other. I wasn’t desperate. I could wait. I just didn’t want to—I was dissatisfied.

And the main reason I was dissatisfied was because society said I should be. Social media, TV shows, movies, books—basically everything a young adult encounters says they should be in a relationship. A non-platonic relationship.

So, society, this is what I have to say to you: Singleness is not synonymous with eternal damnation. Stop making people think that. It’s simply not true. Sure, Thesaurus.com mentions words like confinement, emptiness, desert, isolation, and my personal favorite, wasteland—but then comes words like privacy, peace and quiet, identity, individuality. Being single is NOT being alone. I spent twenty years without a boyfriend and my life never resembled a wasteland. My life was overflowing with friends and family and meaningful relationships that brought me a lot of joy.

Contrary to popular belief, having a boyfriend or girlfriend won’t fix all your problems or fulfill your life dreams and goals. Though society may say otherwise, you don’t need anyone to “complete” you. What you need is God and only God. A significant other can be a blessing, but they will never be necessary to your life. For those of you in happy, healthy relationships, that might sound false. But if you think your significant other is necessary to your life, I would suggest re-evaluating your relationship. You don’t need him or her. You don’t. You may certainly want them in your life (if you don’t, I have no idea why you’re dating), but unless you have been surgically attached to each other and now share the same physical heart, you don’t need them. And the same goes for friends, family, pets, books, large stuffed animals, doughnuts—you will never need anything or anyone but God.

When I was single, my problem was not being alone. My problem was that I was seeking and expecting fulfillment from the wrong thing. I put all my hopes and expectations in “one day,” that imaginary time in the future when all my dreams would come true because a cute boy finally asked me out. Well, a really cute boy did ask me out. We started dating. We’re still dating. And you know what? All my hopes and expectations for dating were fulfilled. My boyfriend is a far better man than anything I ever dreamed of praying for. I am so incredibly thankful for him. He’s my best friend and I hope that will never change. Dating him has been so fun, but it hasn’t been perfect. It’s not peaches and roses and butterflies all the time. We’re still flawed humans. We both mess up. And you know what else? I’m still waiting. Now, I’m just waiting for different things—college graduation, a career, financial security, a dog, a house, doughnuts, world domination (oh come on, don’t tell me you’re not always waiting for doughnuts, too).

My daily struggle is to remind myself that my ultimate fulfillment, joy, and peace cannot come from anything this world has to offer, including a handsome, loving boyfriend. It has to come from a perfect God who has perfect (and unknown) timing.

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God." Psalm 62:5-7

We live in fallen, broken world. Everyday, the evil and sin becomes more evident. The recent shootings in Orlando, FL are evidence. The corruption of power in our government is evidence. ISIS is evidence. I am evidence. Sure, I’ve never broken the law. But, I still hurt people (and often myself) with selfishness, arrogance, judgment. Humanity is flawed, no one is perfect and no one can provide anyone else true fulfillment. So I’m done waiting for “someday.” I’m putting my hope in my God, who is in control of “right now.”

Cover Image Credit: The Junia Project

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

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When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

SEE ALSO: They're Not Junkies, You're Just Uneducated

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

Cover Image Credit: http://crashingintolove.tumblr.com/post/62246881826/pieffysessanta-tumblr-com

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You've Heard Of 'How To Be Single,' But Let's Talk About 'How To Be Romantic'

For some of us, it takes work to be cutesy and romantic.

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Okay, I'm probably the least romantic person anyone has ever met. Not to say that I'm a bad girlfriend or that I'm not caring. I just find love in simple things like knowing what to order for them at restaurants, doing their laundry, planning unique dates, or cooking for them. It's not that I'm opposed to being arduous, I've just never been a chocolate and flowers kind of girl. I'm more of a Mongolian hot pot and "let's walk across the Brooklyn Bridge!" kind of girl. I appreciate some effort, tailoring something to fit a person's idiosyncratic personality or general spontaneity, not how flowery something looks. Not saying that I'm not feminine, I'm just my own entity, so to speak, and that translates into my love life. Needless to say, I thought I should learn how the other half lives, so I've challenged myself to take a course on being a classic/hopeless romantic just to understand how others think and who knows I might change some of my habits!

1. Leave notes

I think it's a really cute and simple idea that I will try to do because it makes everything very personal.

2. Write them a poem

I've had this done for me but I've never actually done it, because believe it or not, I didn't like to read or write poems up until this year.

3. Cuddling

Okay, so I'm not a cuddler, I have no idea why — it's more or less a personal space and attachment issue, I guess. I love hugs though! I guess I just have to be in the mood to cuddle and at times I can be. Other times it just makes me nervous.

4. Dedicate a song to them on the radio

It seems like the people on the radio that do this are crazy in love and honestly, to be able to have the ability to go on the radio and just declare your love for someone else is really inspiring.

5. Surprise them!

I personally cannot stand surprises, but I love to surprise other people and just be spontaneous, so I sort of do this already.

6. Carve your names into a tree

I've thought about doing this, but I've never got around to it, so I promise one day I will.

7. Go see a romantic movie

Nope, nope, I'll barf! Not happening, strictly horror movies for this girl, sorry!

8. Make them a care package

See, this makes me think a lot about what really defines romantic, because I do this all the time, but I don't consider it romantic, I just think it's sweet.

9. Take a walk on the beach together

I've done this, but I have to be doing this while looking for seashells or I feel like I'll be bored.

10. Make a CD for them

"THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER," CHARLIE IS QUAKING.

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