Breaking News: Singleness Is NOT Eternal Damnation

Breaking News: Singleness Is NOT Eternal Damnation

And, spoiler alert, society's standards shouldn't dictate your relationship status.
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“But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” 2 Peter 3:8

For the first twenty years of my life, I was perpetually single. It felt like God had decided to make me wait a thousand years to even be asked on a date. As I watched my friends find that “special someone,” I was convinced that I would never find a guy who saw me as more than a friend. And vice-versa, that I would never find someone who I could click with on a deeper level than just friendship. Over the years, I struggled with the waiting—I was impatient. I wanted to experience that connection, that love that I saw a lot of my close friends shared with their significant other. I wasn’t desperate. I could wait. I just didn’t want to—I was dissatisfied.

And the main reason I was dissatisfied was because society said I should be. Social media, TV shows, movies, books—basically everything a young adult encounters says they should be in a relationship. A non-platonic relationship.

So, society, this is what I have to say to you: Singleness is not synonymous with eternal damnation. Stop making people think that. It’s simply not true. Sure, Thesaurus.com mentions words like confinement, emptiness, desert, isolation, and my personal favorite, wasteland—but then comes words like privacy, peace and quiet, identity, individuality. Being single is NOT being alone. I spent twenty years without a boyfriend and my life never resembled a wasteland. My life was overflowing with friends and family and meaningful relationships that brought me a lot of joy.

Contrary to popular belief, having a boyfriend or girlfriend won’t fix all your problems or fulfill your life dreams and goals. Though society may say otherwise, you don’t need anyone to “complete” you. What you need is God and only God. A significant other can be a blessing, but they will never be necessary to your life. For those of you in happy, healthy relationships, that might sound false. But if you think your significant other is necessary to your life, I would suggest re-evaluating your relationship. You don’t need him or her. You don’t. You may certainly want them in your life (if you don’t, I have no idea why you’re dating), but unless you have been surgically attached to each other and now share the same physical heart, you don’t need them. And the same goes for friends, family, pets, books, large stuffed animals, doughnuts—you will never need anything or anyone but God.

When I was single, my problem was not being alone. My problem was that I was seeking and expecting fulfillment from the wrong thing. I put all my hopes and expectations in “one day,” that imaginary time in the future when all my dreams would come true because a cute boy finally asked me out. Well, a really cute boy did ask me out. We started dating. We’re still dating. And you know what? All my hopes and expectations for dating were fulfilled. My boyfriend is a far better man than anything I ever dreamed of praying for. I am so incredibly thankful for him. He’s my best friend and I hope that will never change. Dating him has been so fun, but it hasn’t been perfect. It’s not peaches and roses and butterflies all the time. We’re still flawed humans. We both mess up. And you know what else? I’m still waiting. Now, I’m just waiting for different things—college graduation, a career, financial security, a dog, a house, doughnuts, world domination (oh come on, don’t tell me you’re not always waiting for doughnuts, too).

My daily struggle is to remind myself that my ultimate fulfillment, joy, and peace cannot come from anything this world has to offer, including a handsome, loving boyfriend. It has to come from a perfect God who has perfect (and unknown) timing.

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God." Psalm 62:5-7

We live in fallen, broken world. Everyday, the evil and sin becomes more evident. The recent shootings in Orlando, FL are evidence. The corruption of power in our government is evidence. ISIS is evidence. I am evidence. Sure, I’ve never broken the law. But, I still hurt people (and often myself) with selfishness, arrogance, judgment. Humanity is flawed, no one is perfect and no one can provide anyone else true fulfillment. So I’m done waiting for “someday.” I’m putting my hope in my God, who is in control of “right now.”

Cover Image Credit: The Junia Project

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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To The Boy Who Made Me Love Again

Thank you for loving me and showing me how to love myself.

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To the boy who made me love again:

From the very beginning of our relationship, you showed me you were different. You showed me how I should be treated.

After dating someone for three years, falling in love was the last thing I wanted to do again. I did not want to grow close to anyone and fall in love with every little aspect of someone, but with you, it was so much different. You were different from other guys I had talked to. You have done small things for me that make me so happy. From offering to order me pizzas while I'm working to ordering me a key chain that says "drive safe," it's the little things you've done to make me love you.

During my previous relationship, I had come to a custom of pulling out my card to pay for dates and thought it was okay to accept the fact that good morning text did not exist. Every morning since we started dating, you never forget to text me good morning. We almost fight over who is going to pay, because I can't expect you to pay for every date. You have shown me what to expect in a relationship.

You never fail to make me happy. Whenever I say I'm hungry, you get me Mexican. When I want to watch Netflix, you immediately put on The Office. I can mention one thing I want and you buy it because you know it will make me happy. You give me forehead kisses and it puts a smile on my face. Whenever I am upset, you won't get off the phone until you figure out what is wrong and make sure everything is okay.

You make me feel beautiful. I can come over in leggings and socks and Birkenstocks or I can come over in a nice shirt and booties, but either way, you tell me I'm beautiful. Whenever I just wake up and look a hot mess, you look me in my eyes and tell me I'm beautiful.

You always tell me to be careful whenever I'm driving and you make sure to tell me you love me every night before you go to bed. You remind me of things I know I'll forget and you literally read my mind. You motivate me with my schooling and tell me how proud you are of me when I make a good grade.

I never wanted to date again and I especially did not want to fall in love; however, you are everything I dreamed of wanting. I am so blessed to have met you and fallen in love with you. So to the boy who made me want to love again, I love you and thank you for everything.

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