Breaking Down The Force Field

Breaking Down The Force Field

The force field we create to block out the truth, the pain, and the reality to save ourselves from hurt.

The tough conversations help me grow. Tell me what I do not want to hear, tell me something that I need to hear even if it hurts worse than any pain I have felt before. Tell me I am wrong, tell me I messed up.

Without any of the tough conversations, the battles, and internal struggles, I would be stuck in a dormant state--unable to grow and evolve.

Growing and evolving is what makes us human. We have done so for millions of years, it comes naturally to us. Change is something that has and will always happen to us, so we must welcome it into our lives with open arms even if it feels a little scary or painful at times.

In today’s day in age we are terribly afraid of pain, and in the process try to control everything around us to prevent pain from wiggling its way into our lives.

We try to cushion our friends’ pain as well as our own to make it hurt a little less. We shield ourselves and each other from the truth because sometimes reality hurts too much to bear. We resist pain with every ounce in our body, but why?

Often times the best thing for us is a tough conversation. Reality must strike at one point or another for us to get a grip on things and make efforts to progress and grow for the better.

Maybe you found out some information you would have been better off not knowing. It might destroy you on the inside and you feel you cannot carry on, but you have to remind yourself of this: if you did not discover this piece of information, your life down the line would not become what it is destined to become.

Maybe you brought up a tough topic of conversation with your friend, partner, or family member and accidentally opened up an entire can of worms you wish could have remained sealed shut for life.

Maybe you sent a super long and risky text that could result in destroying an entire relationship. You immediately feel regret slowly creeping in and engulfing your entire body.

Do not beat yourself up. I do not care what the circumstance consists of. The worst thing you can do is get mad at yourself for speaking your mind. If you did not speak your mind, the master plan or end goal for your life may not turn out how it is intended to.

Some of my toughest conversations, the ones that left me feeling broken and destroyed, led to the most beautiful blessings imaginable. Be patient and trust the process.

You need to remember every single thing that happens to you is happening for a reason.

Honestly, hearing this blanket statement can serve as zero help because at the moment, when you are going through the most difficult time, any encouragement or advice thrown your way immediately deflects off the force field you built around yourself.

You do not want to hear it, and that is okay for now.

Eventually, though, we must break down the barrier and slowly remove the force field. The force field we create to block out the truth, the pain, and the reality to save ourselves from hurt.

There is nothing wrong with staying a little guarded and protecting yourself, but there comes a point when we put up too strong of a shield and end up completely blocking the important messages out of our lives. The messages we need to hear.

These important messages and lessons will only reach us when we are ready to hear them and accept the fact that they are coming our way.

One way to accomplish this is to be open-minded and surrender to the process.

This may be harder for those of us who love to grab the reins and have constant control over our lives, but even making a small effort to open up to the idea that tough conversations, reality, and the harsh truth will help us grow and evolve into the incredible people we are destined to be.

We already encapsulate our full potential, but keeping our force fields up for too long and refusing to break down the barrier will inevitably prevent us from reaching our full potential.

If you are reading this, you have already survived monumental amounts of pain and hurt. Maybe a lot, maybe a little, but you have encountered at least a handful of situations that broke you.

A situation that destroyed your heart and soul. A situation you thought you would never get past.

Know that today you are alive and well. You are doing great, please stay strong and optimistic. Greater things are coming.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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An Open Letter From The Plus-Size Girl

It's OK not to be perfect. Life is more fun that way.


To whoever is reading this,

My entire life has been a juggling match between my weight and the world. Since I was a young girl every single doctor my family took me to, told me I needed to lose weight. The searing pain of those words still stabs me in the side to this day. I have walked past stores like Hollister and American Eagle since I was 13.

Being plus-size means watching girls the same age as you or older walk into a store that sells the cutest, in style clothing and you having to walk into a store that sells clothes that are very out of style for a young girl. Being plus-size means being picked last in gym class, even if you love sports.

Being plus-size means feeling like you have to suck it in in pictures so you don't look as big next to your friends. Being plus-size means constantly thinking people are staring at you, even if they aren't.

The number on the scale haunts me. Every single time I think about the number I cringe.

Can I just say how going shopping is an absolute nightmare? If you haven't noticed, in almost every store (that even has plus sizes to begin with) plus-size clothing is closed off and secluded from the rest of the store. For example, Forever 21, There are walls around every side of the plus "department."

Macy's plus department is in the basement, all the way in the back corner. We get it that we are not what society wants us to look like but throwing us in a corner isn't going to change the statistics in America today. That being that 67% of American women are plus-size.

My life is a double-digit number being carved into my jiggly arms and thunder thighs. It is me constantly wanting to dress cute but turning to running shorts and a gigantic sweatshirt instead so that people don't judge me on my size.

It is time that the American society stops making plus size look like a curse. It will never be a curse. If every person was the same size, what would be the point of uniqueness? I will never despise who I am because while I was growing up multiple people told me that I needed to be a size 6 in order for a guy to fall in love with me. I will never hate myself for getting dressed up and being confident.

To all the girls reading this who may be plus-size,

It's OK! You're beautiful and lovable. If you want to buy that crop top, buy it. Life is too short to hide behind a baggy T-shirt. We are just as gorgeous as the girls that we envy. Be the one to change the opinion of the world. Fat rolls don't need to be embarrassing. Your stretch marks are beautiful. Don't ever let the world tell you not to eat that cheeseburger either.

In the end, this earthly life is temporary. We are on this earth for a blink of an eye. Don't let anything stand in your way. Wear the bikini, the crop top, and the short shorts. Post the sassy selfie you've had on your phone for 6 months and you won't post because you have a double chin or your head looks "too big." Who cares. BE YOU and love yourself while you're at it.

I'll start.

Cover Image Credit: Victoria Hockmeyer

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Buying New Clothes Every Month Has Been The Key To Helping Me Become Happy With My Body Again

Loving my body in new outfits has boosted my self image so much.


Being body-positive has been really hard for me to do throughout 2019, despite there being an overwhelming surge in body-positivity around me, whether through my friends and family or YouTube. I look in the mirror and what I see is someone I want to make a jean size or two smaller like in the past. That being said, I've slowly been coming around to accepting the body I have now, instead of bashing it constantly. A key way I've come to accept the body I'm in now is through buying myself something new every month, like a new T-shirt or a pair of jeans or sneakers that help me see myself in a positive light. When I'm in a new outfit, I feel invincible. I don't think about how pudgy my stomach is, or about the hair I have growing in random places, like my neck or on my nose (yes, not just in, but ON too).

My bank account tends to suffer as of recently because of this, but it's worth it when I can genuinely feel good in what I am wearing every day. I like to wake up and think about how many outfits I can put together, ready to post my #OOTD for Snapchat without caring what anyone thinks. I've let social media dictate how I feel about myself more than I care to admit. I see how perfect all the models are in everything they're wearing from brands I know and love, yet when I try the same thing on, it's a whole different ugly story.

I don't enjoy trying things on to avoid the shame I feel when things don't fit me right, or if something that I thought would flatter me actually makes me look like a sack of potatoes. Instagram has really hurt my body image a lot — enough to make me delete it for a week after one post sent me spiraling. Going through those bumps made me finally realize it's not my fault if something doesn't fit. Sizes range depending on the item, it's the clothing items fault, not mine. Now that I see that, it's easier to brush off something not fitting me as it should. I know my size very well in the stores I frequent the most, so it's easier for me to pick out things I know will look good and not have to worry about the sizing issue.

Buying yourself something new is not something you should limit to every few months or longer. You shouldn't be afraid to go out of your comfort zone price wise every once and a while either. Coupons exist, stories always offer you them when you first sign up to receive emails and even texts. You can be crafty and still get a high price item for less. If you treat yourself to cheap things, you won't feel half as good as you want to. Granted, sticking to a limit is important but there's no shame in going over the limit every once and a while.

I love shopping as much as I love country music and writing short stories — a lot. Yes, I get yelled at almost every time I get something new. I need to save my money for important things, like for my sorority or for medical issues that could suddenly arise, or for utilities at my house next year off campus.

However, my mental well-being is not something I can ignore.

I can't push the good feelings aside to save 30 or 40 bucks a month. I don't want to feel as low as I've felt about myself anymore. I'm tired of feeling sad or angry at who I am, and I want to learn how to accept myself as I am. Buying myself something new, like clothes, is what offers a positive light to view myself under.

Whether you treat yourself to dinner at your favorite restaurant, or to face masks, or to a new movie when it comes out — don't be afraid to do it. Put yourself first and you'll realize your worth and how much you've been ignoring it in the face of poor confidence.

My confidence isn't back up to where it used to be, but it's getting there.

It may not be the most cash efficient method of self-love, but my body positivity is better than it was a few months ago. Aerie and American Eagle have really helped me become happier with my body, and I can't thank them enough for being more inclusive for people like me who are learning to love themselves again in a new body.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel for all of us hoping to promote our own body positivity, and it could all start with a simple purchase from your favorite store after you read this.

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