Meeting someone new is fun, but it can also be terrifying on a level so deep that you can almost feel your stomach turning just thinking about it. Opening up is scary because it makes you vulnerable. Time and again, those of us with a rocky past can only vaguely remember the times when we opened up and it ended up being to our benefit, but can never seem to forget all the times that opening up ruined us.
After enough times of being betrayed after opening up, our natural reaction is to put up walls. We put up walls to protect ourselves, and then we have to learn when, where and how to let those walls come down because you can't keep your walls up forever. You can't keep your walls up around everyone unless you want to find yourself completely alone. But how do you decide when and where to let your walls down? How do you decide who to let help you break down those walls? These aren't simple choices, and they're never easy.
Most of the time, people choose to let their walls come down slowly. You test the waters and go from there. But for some of us, that is easier said than done. Sometimes putting just a crack in the wall takes more strength than we could imagine having. So then what?
Out of love for ourselves, we have to be able to recognize when breaking down the walls is going to do more harm than good.
If breaking down your walls is also going to break you, maybe now is not the time. And that is OK.
If opening up to this new person sounds like your own personal version of hell, you are allowed to say no. You are allowed to keep your walls up. Saying "hey, you're pretty neat but I need to find some more clarity for myself before I let someone else in" is OK. Because at that point, you are both in control. While you have bought yourself more time to get comfortable with letting your walls down again, they get to decide if they're willing to wait it out. To wait you out. And if they are, perhaps that is pretty telling in and of itself.
The choice to practice self-love isn't always easy and only becomes more difficult when adding another person into the mix, but that doesn't mean we can forget about it. If we don't take care of ourselves, letting someone else in may eventually no longer be an option.
So, let's love ourselves. And keep our walls up when we need to.