Dear MSU1x,

For some, you’re nothing more than the Wi-Fi network that keeps them connected on campus, but for me, you’re more than that. We’ve spent so much time together these past three years. We’ve had our ups and downs … and lost connections. Unfortunately though, I’ve had time to reflect recently and realized that you’re the thing that’s holding me back. You’re why I can’t reach my full potential. (It’s definitely not because of my lack of work ethic and alarmingly short attention span.) I’ve come to the conclusion that we need to end our relationship. It’s time to break up. It’s not you, it’s me. Actually, it definitely is you — you put the “less” in “wireless.”

You’ve spent the last three years treating me like your side chick, and after a few listens to Beyoncé’s “Lemonade,” I finally realized I deserve better. They say that opposites attract, and quite frankly, we’re too similar. We both slack off, move relatively slowly, are hard to connect with and give people a lot to complain about. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But you’re most likely from the cheapest provider MSU could find.

Television always told me that women love bad boys. Bad boys add danger to your life and make you lose all your inhibitions. You’re so bad you’ve made me lose hours’ worth of progress on online quizzes (both BuzzFeed and school-related).

Yet it’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore. Am I connected to MSU1x or am I connected to my neighbors’ Wi-Fi “48dndaoUdne9*U”? I just don’t feel a spark. Well, I do sometimes if my hands are wet and I touch the outlet while unplugging my laptop charger.

You’ve caused my Tweets and Instagrams not to post, and worst of all, texts to my group chat not to send. Do you know how limited your time is to send a joke before the conversation topic changes? My wit doesn’t really count as “quick” when it’s two hours late.

I know what you’re thinking. It isn’t healthy for me to move on so quickly, and it costs money if I go to another lover, but LTE and I really have a connection (figuratively and literally).

I will miss some things about you. I’ll miss having an immediate excuse for late assignments. I’ll miss your DMV-like speed causing me to actually take a break from my computer and go outside for a while. Ha! Just kidding. It just makes me switch to using my cellular data to check social media.

Believe me, I’m just as upset about this as you are. You know what they say, when one Wi-Fi network closes its connection, another one opens. So take this breakup as an opportunity to get to know yourself; to do something you’ve never done before — like not taking an eternity to open a website.

Long story short, I just can’t see a future together … mainly because you’re having a really hard time loading it.