To The Boys Who Rejected Me, Thank You

To The Boys Who Rejected Me, Thank You

Being rejected will not only show you your worth, but also it will give you more time to find the man who ​is ​worth your time and who see's all you have to offer.

The past has come up a lot lately, especially when thinking about old crushes. I remember I "loved" Gordie, Tyler, and Bryan (Brian?) and I would've dropped dead if someone told me the feeling I was feeling wasn't love. But it wasn't love.

Looking back now, I'm so thankful for the douche canoes that rejected me and called me ugly, because if they hadn't rejected me, I would've never have known how to love myself.

We all have those guys...the ones you asked out and they said no for X, Y, or Z reason. We all felt like shit afterward, but if it hadn't been for them (ironically) we would have never learned to be okay with ourselves and to respect ourselves. We deserved better than someone who only saw popularity or surface looks.

They taught us to stop looking at surface looks because looks fade. What doesn't fade is how people treat you and their inner goodness. I remember those boys clear as day and I know if I had dated them, then I wouldn't be who I am; a confident, sexy, intelligent person who is independent and who enjoys her own company. If we had dated those boys, then popularity, looks, and money would've warped us into people we are not.

Don't get me wrong, I think my boyfriend is the sexiest man alive, but not for lack of flaws; but rather because of those flaws...because he is so human and real. What he see's as flaws, I see as beautiful markers of who he is and what he's been through.

The boys I liked they were "perfect" or they appeared so to me, but I'm sure they had ghosts that haunted them. If they hadn't said no to me, then I wouldn't have learned to look inside of people for what really counts. Gordie was sweet, but he taught me that popularity wasn't everything and that I don't want to be like the girls he liked.

Bryan taught me that money means nothing if you use it for personal gain and for controlling people. Tyler taught me that boys are assholes, first of all. I'll never forget the words he said to me that still make me self-conscious, but he showed me that beauty is superficial. Beauty is not some marker of worth.

Inner beauty is the marker that matters. Being rejected made me feel ugly and worthless then, but now? Being rejected made me into the woman I am today.

Being rejected will not only show you your worth but also it will give you more time to find the man who is worth your time and who see's all you have to offer. Not just surface bullshit.

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Dear Future Husband, Thank You For Choosing Me

I will give you 110% every day because you deserve every ounce of love that I can give you.

I guess I should start off by saying thank you. Thank you for choosing me, the me, that is messy and often lost. The me, that gets mad, sad, and so easily offended. You took a chance on me. You didn't shy away from the insanely large amount of baggage I carry around. You didn't hesitate at my first breakdowns and you were there to help me pick up the pieces.

You want to spend your life with me despite my flaws, blonde moments, times of weakness, mood swings, and bad jokes... really bad jokes. You are a wonderful man with lots of patience and kindness, and I probably don't deserve you.

Sometimes, I will get restless and will need to get away. My history will cause me to want to fly away and escape reality. Thank you for understanding and letting me go. I am grateful that you do not keep me chained down. You trust that I will come back to you, and that means more than you will ever know.

I know I can't promise you that every day will be happy and fun loving. You know, there are days where I fall short of being the woman I want to be, the woman you want me to be.

There will be days where you have to be strong for the both of us, and I apologize in advance if that happens more often then it should.

Before you, I was perfectly fine with the idea of being alone. I was safe behind my walls. I had guarded my heart so well that I became numb to the idea of a future that involved anyone but me.

I was not the person who had dreamed up their perfect fairytale wedding. I didn't pick out names of children. I never thought about the perfect honeymoon or how I would want someone to propose.

I figured you meet people, you fall in infatuation, in love, that's a part of life. You start to learn things about how to care for other people. You figure out what you need, and you figure out what you want.

I spent my time dreaming up my perfect career, being a powerful woman that was a force to be reckoned with. The kind of girl that had it all together. I pictured my life in a swanky apartment with a view and maybe getting a dog... or twelve.

Before you, it was just me, and that was enough. I was content, I didn't need someone there to wake up to every morning. I didn't need someone to hold my hand. I didn't want someone to get close when there was a potential for them walking away. I thought I loved myself enough to not feel the need to go looking for love somewhere else.

You didn't take no for an answer though, You showed me that love was something worth the risk. That having a happily ever after was obtainable for me, even if I had never seen one work.

You believe in my ability to be a good wife, knowing I don't have the slightest idea where to begin. You trust that I will be a great mom because of how much I care about everyone. You help me in ways I could have never helped myself. When I doubt myself, you reassure me that as long as we are together, it will be okay.

It seems sometimes like this is it, this is the end, but I am so happy to know that all of this was just the beginning. We have the rest of forever to plan a life together, play "house", go on vacations, and fight over eating ice cream for dinner.

Truth be told, if that's as bad as it's going to get, I would rather spend a million bad days with you than live one perfect day without you.

So, darling, I promise to do the very best I can. I promise to always try and be better. I will give you 110% every day because you deserve every ounce of love that I can give you.

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9 Things Guys Have Taught Me In College

Spoiler alert: they didn't just teach me to love myself more.

From frat boys to fuck boys to a sweet boyfriend to old guy friends - boys have taught me a lot so far at my time at university.

1. If a guy wants to talk to you, he’ll make it happen

It took me a while to figure this one out because, throughout my first year of college, I would always be the first one to reach out to boys I was interested in. When they wouldn’t respond within a day or so, I would give them the “benefit of the doubt” and just say that they were probably just too busy with school to message me back.

However, it wasn’t until I met a guy who was actually interested in me too that I realized I was beyond wrong. It takes maybe a second to message someone a response, so if someone can’t message you back for a day or so - they ain’t interested.

2. Stand up for yourself

You are strong, independent woman who don’t need no man. If a guy questions you when you say no, stand the fuck up for yourself. You have as much of a right to say no as he does, so put your foot down and use your voice.

If something doesn’t seem right, stop for a second and reassess what you need in that moment. You are an amazing person, and you don’t need a man to complete that.

3. You should have standards

If a guy doesn’t treat you right, get out.

If a guy hurts you, gtfo.

If a guy cheats on you, do what you need to do to get out.

Don’t settle because you think you’ll never be able to find someone else. One of the main things college has taught me is that there are so many great guys out there, and it’s not worth staying with the duds so you don’t have to be alone.

4. But not unrealistic standards

That being said, don’t narrow your standards so slim that you’ll literally never be able to find that “perfect” someone. It’s fine to have standards to a degree but make sure you don’t cut out all the options that will inevitably come your way.

5. Communication is key

Whether it's telling a guy no when you don't want to do something or simply making sure that you're both on the same page, it's important for us to be communicative with them and hopefully, they'll reciprocate.

6. Lying gets no one anywhere

Guys will take whatever you say quite literally because if you look at the next point, they aren't too observant. So if you tell them you're fine, and you actually aren't, they aren't going to do anything more because they just think you're fine.

7. Guys aren’t observant

A lot of girls say guys are dumb because they don’t catch on cues we give them. In reality, everyone is dumb. All girls have different “cues” they give off, so it’s almost impossible for a lot of guys to read them because they can vary from person to person.

8. But that doesn’t mean they don’t care

Just because it’s harder for guys to read our signs and signals, that doesn’t mean they don’t care about us. There’s a difference between guys who don’t understand what we’re trying to say/what we want than guys who genuinely don’t care about what we want.

9. The best relationships happen when you least expect them

Basically, don’t go into things expecting a relationship or for you to immediately start dating the person you’ve gone on literally one date or so with. Let things blossom or dissolve naturally. Then you aren’t let down if things don’t work out, and you’re pleasantly surprised if they do.

Cover Image Credit: Jessica Klein

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