To The Boys Who Rejected Me, Thank You

To The Boys Who Rejected Me, Thank You

Being rejected will not only show you your worth, but also it will give you more time to find the man who ​is ​worth your time and who see's all you have to offer.
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The past has come up a lot lately, especially when thinking about old crushes. I remember I "loved" Gordie, Tyler, and Bryan (Brian?) and I would've dropped dead if someone told me the feeling I was feeling wasn't love. But it wasn't love.

Looking back now, I'm so thankful for the douche canoes that rejected me and called me ugly, because if they hadn't rejected me, I would've never have known how to love myself.

We all have those guys...the ones you asked out and they said no for X, Y, or Z reason. We all felt like shit afterward, but if it hadn't been for them (ironically) we would have never learned to be okay with ourselves and to respect ourselves. We deserved better than someone who only saw popularity or surface looks.

They taught us to stop looking at surface looks because looks fade. What doesn't fade is how people treat you and their inner goodness. I remember those boys clear as day and I know if I had dated them, then I wouldn't be who I am; a confident, sexy, intelligent person who is independent and who enjoys her own company. If we had dated those boys, then popularity, looks, and money would've warped us into people we are not.

Don't get me wrong, I think my boyfriend is the sexiest man alive, but not for lack of flaws; but rather because of those flaws...because he is so human and real. What he see's as flaws, I see as beautiful markers of who he is and what he's been through.



The boys I liked they were "perfect" or they appeared so to me, but I'm sure they had ghosts that haunted them. If they hadn't said no to me, then I wouldn't have learned to look inside of people for what really counts. Gordie was sweet, but he taught me that popularity wasn't everything and that I don't want to be like the girls he liked.

Bryan taught me that money means nothing if you use it for personal gain and for controlling people. Tyler taught me that boys are assholes, first of all. I'll never forget the words he said to me that still make me self-conscious, but he showed me that beauty is superficial. Beauty is not some marker of worth.

Inner beauty is the marker that matters. Being rejected made me feel ugly and worthless then, but now? Being rejected made me into the woman I am today.



Being rejected will not only show you your worth but also it will give you more time to find the man who is worth your time and who see's all you have to offer. Not just surface bullshit.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.

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Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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Why I haven't Dated Anyone despite being in College

Here is what I think of dating and why I haven't dated anyone despite being in College

gsdham
gsdham
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Over the past several years now, the pressure to date has been growing. My friends from high school, my friends from college, my parents and grandparents, my aunt and uncle, even my cousins and sister want me to date. With every passing month, the pressure to date someone grows, every once in a while a friend of mine, starts dating or moves on from a recent breakup and that makes me question, am I the only one stuck in a rut? Here are the things looming in my mind:

It requires commitment.

From my perspective, dating requires commitment, you need to purposefully sacrifice a good chunk of your free time to spend it with the person you are dating, there are times when that is not possible, and it simply adds to the pressure. I have realized that to be able to do that, all of my own life should more or less be in order, only then can I think of dating, for no one wants to date a clumsy person. In that sense, it requires commitment toward myself before the other. I realize that right now is the time to focus on my career and not on other stuff like this. I can date, but it's not a requirement.

It requires investment

No, I am not talking of financial investment, everyone has a different stature financially and that should never figure into a relationship. I am talking of emotional investment. Being in a relationship requires emotional investment into the person, you need to be open to understanding the issues and insecurities of the other person. That I simply think is emotionally taxing. There are times, when you yourself may need emotional support but instead, are lending emotional support to the other person, that is too much for me.

The perfect one

I am not saying that my girl is going to jump out of a chariot driven by eight glorious white horses that have golden manes. No. I have some expectations when it comes to dating. I am not going to start dating someone just for the sake of dating, that I think is unfair to not just the other person but to me as an individual. I'd rather wait

Resisting social pressure

Not dating is my act of defiance towards society or against the constant pressure to date. It is where my sense of individualism and completeness grows from. I know for a fact that I as an individual am complete in myself and do not need to be dependent on others at all. I realize that I am a man of a diversity of experiences, for I am studying Liberal Arts at a University that is considered the cradle of STEM education.

Finding your why

Try to figure out why you need to date. Is it because you feel lonely and have no one to back you up? Or is it just because you just want to shut everyone up? If it's the latter you probably should not think about it. Do it for your sake, not for that of others. I know I have not found my compelling why yet, hence no dating. Have you?

gsdham
gsdham

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