I was absolutely ecstatic when you asked me on a date. We were good friends, best friends actually, and I was so sure about you. I don't know what changed. We went from being classmates, to friends, to best friends, to something more, to strangers. I know you had just gone through a break up, but you assured me that you were fine, that we would be fine. I wish you hadn't lied.

Weeks later when you texted me at night, I wish you had told me the truth. When you told me you "weren't ready for a relationship yet", I wish you had just told me you didn't want a relationship with me. When you asked me on that date earlier, I wish you had made your intentions crystal clear. I thought we were on the same page about where this was headed, but I guess I was wrong.

But maybe that's my fault.

Maybe I should've asked the right questions. Maybe I should've noticed you growing distant. Maybe I shouldn't have told you everything about me that I did. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have tried so hard, maybe I should've tried harder. I don't know. I don't know what you wanted. I still don't. I just know that it wasn't me.

But maybe it isn't my fault.

Maybe you should've said "I don't have feelings for you anymore" instead of "I think it's the wrong time for us". Maybe you should've said "you aren't what I want anymore" instead of "I'm not ready for a relationship yet". Maybe you should've said "we're better off as friends" instead of "I just need time for myself". Maybe you should've just told me the truth. Because "not ready for a relationship" doesn't mean jumping into two relationships right after me.

Maybe I was too good for you. Maybe I scared you, intimidated you. Good. Maybe I saw the good in you when it would've benefited me not to. Maybe you were just supposed to be a lesson to me. Maybe that's all you were ever supposed to be. I was ready for a relationship with you. You weren't. Well, you were. You were ready for a relationship, just not with me. And yes, that hurt. Yes, it still hurts sometimes. Why couldn't you have been straightforward with me? Didn't i deserve the truth? I asked myself these questions that night you texted me, and again when you got a new girlfriend, and even now sometimes. But I'll never get the answer.

I think I will always wonder why. I'll always wonder why I wasn't good enough for you. Why you chose her over me. I'll never understand what I should've done different. I'll never know the answer. But what I do know is that you weren't worth it. Not in the slightest. I hope you're doing well. I sure as hell am.