Dear you,

You probably don’t know why I’m writing this. You’re probably confused what this is even about, but after months of silence, I’m going to tell you what you did to me. I’m going to swallow my pride and be upfront with you because that’s what you deserve, and more importantly, I owe it to myself. I’ve been keeping this bottled up inside of me for a while now, and for the first time, I’m going to tell you that you broke my heart.

I bet you’re asking yourself, “How did I break your heart when we never even dated?” Well, to be honest, you did more than just break my heart. You shattered it into a million little pieces because not only did I lose the guy I somehow fell in love with, but I also lost my best friend. It was the ultimate example of killing two birds with one stone, except neither was a bird I wanted to kill. If it were up to me, we would still be best friends, and nothing more. I know that probably isn’t possible. When you left, you left because that’s what you felt was best for you, and I respect that. I may not agree with that decision, and I don’t think I will ever understand why you decided to make that decision, but I will respect it.

I want you to know a few things. First, I want to tell you I don’t hate you, not even relatively. I never really hated you, even though I said I did. Yes, I had a lot of anger towards you, and part of me is still angry at you, but I never hated you. I don’t think I will ever hate you. As I look back on everything that happened, I can't seem to find the energy to hate you. We shared so many great laughs and fun experiences that there's no room for hate. At one point in my life, you were one of the most important people to me, so I could never hate you, no matter what you did.

I also need to tell you I miss you. I’m sure you know this already, but you deserve to hear it from me, and not from the people around us. Looking back, the positive memories outweigh the negative ones by a landslide. When I catch myself thinking about us, I never find myself remembering the arguments and the fights, but the spontaneous dinner dates, ice cream trips, and late night heart-to-hearts. Those were the times at which I was happiest, and the times that I loved being with you. Those are the parts of our relationship that meant the most to me and won my heart.

Finally, I really need you to know that I truly wish you the best. I never wished anything negative upon you even after all the pain you caused me. How could I wish bad things to happen to someone I once had so much love for? I hope you’re doing well in all aspects of your life. You’re smart, we both know that, so I’m sure school has been a breeze for you. You’ve always been athletic, and you have such a passion for your sports and your teams, that I can only imagine how much you are thriving at the college level. You are so outgoing and personable that I'm sure you’ve made the best friends you’ve ever had. And most importantly, you can get any girl you’ve ever wanted, so I’m sure your love life is the best it’s ever been. Even if none of this is the case, I am wishing that it all starts to fall into place soon.

I know there’s no way you think about me as much as I think about you, and that’s okay. I understand why. Your heart didn’t break at the end like mine did. Or maybe it did, but you sure did a much better job of hiding it. I’m positive you didn’t cry over me in your room or type an endless number of messages that you’d never actually send. You didn’t ask your friends a hundred times what was wrong with you, and why you weren’t good enough. That’s why this heartbreak hurt so much. Only one heart broke. I can’t force you to feel the same way as I can, but I can at least provide some perspective into how I was feeling.

So, this is it. Everything is out there, and I wrote this to you without holding anything back. I hope you take the time to read this because you deserve to know the truth. You broke my heart, and you didn’t even know it. I know that seems crazy, but that’s what happened. I’ll never be completely over it, but I’m doing my best to move past it.

With love forever and ever,

The girl who’s still a little broken.