To The Boy Who Loved Me By Damaging Me

When we met, we had a love at first sight story. You were the one who fell in love with me first. You told me you loved me first when you gave me that rosary. I always thought that rosary was a sign of true love, not in a fairytale way, but a way of you telling me, "I would die for you because I love you." You were my best friend and I was yours. We started dating three weeks from when you gave me that rosary.

Dating you felt like a dream. You showed me what it meant to truly be loved, you showed me what I truly was worth. I heard girls constantly complain that a guy they were talking to turned out to be a jerk, but I was never worried about that with you.

I had 110 percent faith in you that you would show me nothing but love, I didn't know that love would come at such a price.

After about a year of dating, lust entered into our relationship, slowly and slowly we would start to do more and more sexual things. It never got to the point of being naked or having sex, but it's something we wanted.

However, we both agreed not to have sex until we were married for religious reasons since God is and was a huge part of our relationship. Since you loved me you kept trying to say no to the lust, I was the one who let it happen.

After a year and a half of fighting lust, we both agreed we couldn't fight anymore. This led us to break up. The break up was something we both agreed we needed and something we thought would help us, but it still hurt.

We both plan to get back together someday, but we don't know when. What I think we both want this break up to achieve is to bring back that love we had when we were dating. We have to bring back that rosary.

I'm not going to lie, this has been hard on me, but somehow, through it all, I am okay. We both decided we were allowed to date other people, and yes, I've thought about it. Honestly, I've even started talking to other guys, but it never felt right.

I try to force myself to move on by getting the image of you and me out of my head, but I can't do it. I still love you and I know you still love me.

I see your photo hanging up in my school for an academic achievement you got. When I first saw that poster, I was so proud, I wanted to tell everyone, that's my best friend! After it was hanging up for a little bit longer, I would smile every time I saw it, not because of your achievement, but because how you treated me and how I was always so in love with you.

Lately, it's been me trying to think "I hate you," but I just can't. I'll be in the hallway, thinking of life and almost start breaking down, but then I look at you and I'm OK.

Truth is I'm trying to move on as a way to protect myself from getting hurt, but I don't seem to be able to. It's because I am still so in love with you. I know love comes at a cost, but I'm willing to pay it, for you. To quote NF " If you want love, you're going to have to go through the pain."

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