Inevitably, we all encounter people and situations that rub us the wrong way. If we had the option, we would choose not to be around them or at least limit interaction. But what if the person who rubs us the wrong way is in fact the one person who we physically can’t separate from? What if the person who caused us the most trouble was the person we woke up and looked at in the mirror every single day? What happens if your worst enemy is yourself?

In 2016, it is not uncommon to hear and discuss criticisms about the unrealistic body image that women and men choose to strive for. Publicly, many of us encourage the idea that all body-types and physical features are unique and beautiful in their own way. But how well we actually practice and apply these views on embracing ourselves gets confused along the way.

I couldn’t tell anyone an exact date, year, month, or age that I developed a fixation on how I looked or what others thought of me. I don’t think I could pinpoint one reason for it either. Maybe it was models on T.V. and in magazines, maybe it was from cultivated insults and compliments I received over the years, maybe it was all from other people’s expectations, judgments, and society’s reinforcement of perfection. I’ve spent hours looking in the mirror disgusted by what I see. I’ve spent days in my room because I don’t want other people to see me how I see myself. The flaws and imperfections only increase and they’re abundance only seems to grow more prominent. Whether it was my weight, skin, hair, or facial features, none of them seemed to coincide with what was pretty or attractive.

A few weeks ago at a party, a girl from my town had come over to talk to me. She commented on how I looked “so good and so pretty!” I thanked her, but still argued and said I wasn’t any of those things. My best friend overheard this and said, “We try telling her that all the time. She doesn’t listen.” While my other best friend nodded in agreement. These girls have been by my side for the past 14 years, so you could assume their opinions would be pretty impressionable to me. Although I didn’t give much external reaction to what she said, the constant replay of those words have yet to be ceased in my daily thoughts.

I’d like to believe that I do listen and value the advice and compliments that the people who mean the most to me in this world give me. But the truth is I don’t, and I haven’t for a long time. Somewhere along the way, I lost myself. I become someone who was paralyzed by insecurities, a type of self-doubt that navigates and dictates your entire life ruthlessly. Looking at the past few years especially, I’ve given so much of my time and energy into wishing I looked like other girls in my school or women I saw in magazines. I deliberately say given instead of wasted, because I don’t believe those hours that turned into days, that turned into weeks, were ever truly a waste. They’ve been crucial to me, the battle of my distorted perception of myself and reality have become intertwined with the person I was, I am, and will be.

Constantly comparing myself to others has ironically taught me to find the beauty in people, not just in the way that they look but in the way they are. My perception of those around me is inherently good; I see beauty whenever I look at another person, and that in itself is a beautiful way to live. Now, just imagine if we were able to harness the appreciation and admiration we have for others and leave some for ourselves. So, what if the person who made us the happiest was the person we can’t physically separate from? What if the person who caused us to think the best of ourselves was the person we woke up and looked at in the mirror every day? What happens if your greatest ally is you?

I can’t promise to my friends or family that I’ll ever be completely confident with myself or how I look. I can’t promise to anyone that the self-destructive aspect of me will ever truly go away, life just isn’t black and white like that. What I can promise is that I won’t ever stop trying to see the good, and I can only hope that the beauty I find in others is beauty they find in themselves too.