I'm Not Apologizing For My Fast Metabolism

I'm Not Apologizing For My Fast Metabolism

I have feelings and insecurities just like everyone else. Being "skinny" does not mean I don't struggle with my body image too.

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Throughout my life, I have noticed trends and outlooks that are none other than a thing of the past. Everyone has different body types and everyone develops at different paces. So why is it that we ridicule those with smaller figures or girls that are considered to be "skinny"?

Ever since I was little, I've always had a petite figure. My mom is small, my grandma is small, and just like them, I am small. Because of my petite figure, I have found that people would judge me frequently saying that "I don't eat" or "I'm unhealthy", etc. This just goes to show how differently people are looked at based off of their weight or physical appearance. Just because I have a smaller figure and considered "skinny" does not mean that I don't struggle with my body image issues or have all the self-confidence in the world. Although I've never been the one to go on diets or watch what I eat, I've always been self-conscious of my figure and how "small" I am.

I will never forget going to the mall last year with a couple of my new college friends. Looking through clothes and picking them out to try on, I was constantly worried that nothing would fit. While I would enter the fitting room with 10+ items, I would most likely exit with one or two pieces if any. When my friends and I reconvened, everyone questioned why I had no clothes in my hand. When I exclaimed they didn't fit, everyone said something along the lines of "What do you mean nothing fits, you're so small, you can fit into anything."

Although it can look like that on the outside, I always find myself struggling to fit into things because of my small and petite figure. What I dislike most is the idea that "skinny" girls have no care or insecurity in the world. Compared to all of my friends, I was always looked at as being "smaller" and I hated it. While I had insecurities like everyone else, no one would ever acknowledge how I felt because they thought being skinny was anything but a problem.

My friends and I still go to the gym when we have a chance, but I am not one for the daily workouts. I'll go to the gym if I feel like I need more activity a certain day or if I'm feeling "blah", but it has never been a priority for me. While my friends can drag me to the gym, I will constantly stay behind because I don't feel as if I need to that day, or just want to cut myself some slack. Different from my friends, I've never been the one to watch what I eat. Now getting older, I see friends going on diets, etc. to maintain a healthy lifestyle and I applaud them for that.

But no one should ever judge you when you don't want to go to the gym that day or criticize you because you have a faster metabolism than them. One day when I exclaimed that I didn't want to go to the gym my friend exclaimed, "You know, your metabolism is going to catch up with you someday". And although that is true, that I might not have this figure forever, no one should ever be ridiculed for there body image or being "skinny". I am looked at as though being skinny is a problem, people now associating being skinny with the social construct of modeling what is has done to the body image standard. It is as though because I am skinny, I have no body image problems and people can say whatever they want about my body.

Body image is a thing that everyone struggles with, whether it be a major or minor thing in their lives. I should not have to apologize for my fast metabolism, because that is how I was born. I have always eaten a lot, but it has never showed. So please don't tell me I need to eat more, or that I'm anorexic because it's not true. I may be small, but I am considered healthy for my size and honestly, it is no one else's business. Everyone has different body types. The new movement of every size is beautiful is amazing for the social construct of body images. Just realize that EVERY SIZE is beautiful, so stop criticizing girls who are "skinny", they have feelings and insecurities, just like everyone else.

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Sorry I'm A Size 00

But I'm not really sorry.
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My whole life I've been thin — which is kind of an understatement. Every time I go to the doctor I get the same “you're underweight" lecture that I've heard every year since I was able to form memories. I've never really felt insecure about my weight, I love being able to eat everything and not gain a single pound. Since my freshman year of high school, I've probably only gained 8 pounds and I'm now a sophomore in college.

Of course, in school, there were rumors that I was anorexic or bulimic, but everyone who knew me knew that was far from the truth. I'm now 19, 5'2, and I still have yet to break 100 pounds on the scale. It seems that there is a lot of skinny shaming going around and to me, one of the main contributors to that is the Dove Real Beauty campaign.

Dove

You're probably wondering where I'm going with this because skinny girls get all the praise and other body types are neglected. That's really not true, though. While loving other body types, you are tearing down skinny girls. Why is it OK to do that to skinny girls but not to other body types? Why is it OK to say “only dogs like bones" or say “every body type is beautiful" until you see a model's abs, or ribs, or thigh gap and then tear them down because they're “unnaturally" skinny?

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The point I'm trying to make is that, as a naturally skinny girl, I have never shamed anyone for their body type, yet I go every day and get at least two comments about my weight. I'm always the skinny girl, the toothpick, but I'm not Jessica.

Yeah, I'm a size 00. Get over it.

If you have an issue with my body and feel like my body is disgusting to you, don't look at it. I know that I'm healthy and I don't need your input when my body just naturally burns calories fast. I don't have an eating disorder and never have.

I am real beauty though, and I know that because I'm comfortable in my own skin.

So, maybe the real issue is that we as a society have been shoving certain body types down our daughters' throats so they begin to romanticize models that have certain standards that they have to meet, who work hard for the bodies that they have, and are making a hell of a lot more money than most of the people discussing why they look emaciated while what they're actually looking at is the photoshopped product.

I'm not going to apologize for being skinny when that is just how my body is, I can't help it.

Cover Image Credit: Victoria's Secret Untouched

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The Complicated Love-Hate Relationship I Have With My Body

We all have times where we look in the mirror and either love or hate what we see.

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People are always saying how you should love yourself just the way you are. You should embrace yourself and feel beautiful in your own skin. There are times that I do. Times where I step up and say this is me, this is who I am. However, there are also times where I look at myself and say, this is not me, this is not who I want to be.

I've always had a love-hate relationship with my body. I go days where I feel good about myself and love who I am no matter what. Then I go days where I hate everything I see and want to hide away from everyone. I just can't seem to find a middle ground.

Sure you can make plans to change yourself, but even then, I feel like you'll always see a flaw. My body has changed from time to time, but no matter what, I always find something to hate. I just can't seem to find the confidence in myself to accept who I am. I wish that I could.

I wish I was someone who could love who they are.

I try my hardest to respect my body. I've told myself that I'll work hard to keep it healthy. I made a promise that once my current spine injury has healed that I'll work harder to get where I want to be. To work hard towards loving myself more often than hating myself.

It's a dangerous mindset to have, the hate sometimes consuming you. I also struggle with bipolar disorder, so when I'm in a depressive phase and hating my body things get dark. I feel disgusting and I just wish I could tear pieces of my body away.

You turn away from mirrors, you try to wear clothes that hide the things you don't like, sometimes when you catch an angle of yourself that's particularly bad you just stand there staring, hating it all.

Then you walk with your shoulders back and your head held high. You wear clothes that make you feel cute and you don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You love yourself and decide to be happy.

This constant yo-yo of a relationship is exhausting.

The hardest for me is looking at pictures growing up. Looking back on the way my body changed and trying to pinpoint where things went wrong. Seeing a picture and thinking, 'look how good I look there.' It doesn't even matter if it's a happy memory. If my picture captured a really good moment. All I can focus on is what I look like.

My fear is that these thoughts will never change. I can learn new tricks to help me stay positive. Learn new ways to love myself. Even if I change things, that there truly will always be something I don't like. It hurts to look at yourself in a mirror and only see something gross staring back at you.

To not see yourself, to only see everything you don't like. It makes you want to crawl into your skin. You don't want anyone to see you in fear that they might see the same thing.

When the confidence comes I savor everything moment I have of it. I take pictures, I like to go out, I live my life as a happy me. I try to hold on to that love I have. To remind myself that I am OK. That I can love myself, but that it's also OK to not like some things. I don't have to find every piece of me perfect because no one is perfect. We all have flaws, it's just about learning to accept those flaws as a piece of who we are.

I know that this love-hate relationship will always be there, but I will always be there to try and fight it. I will work hard towards finding that confidence inside myself and let it shine. We all deserve to see the beauty we have, that no matter how bad seems, there are parts of us that are beautiful.

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