I would like to put a disclaimer out there that this is satire. I, in no way, mean to offend anyone. Being a boarding school kid myself, my friends and I have made jokes about this before.
Are you getting tired of the same old people being around you every day? Are you always retelling stories because you can't remember if you told your friends or not? Do you want new connections?
Hi, I'm Frankie Walls and I'm here to show you the latest and greatest invention in friendships: a boarding school friend. Why are boarding school friends so great you may ask? It's the very fact that you can be friends with them without having to see them every single day.
To some, high school can be boring: especially when you hate everyone there. I mean who actually likes the people they go to high school with. Whether you are antisocial or you just need a change of scenery, boarding school friends can help.
You can talk to your boarding school friend as much or as little as you would like. Boarding school friends are good because they only come around during the holidays and summer break. They'll link up with you and actually be intrigued by (and appreciate) the stories that you tell them.
Several people who have done trial runs enjoy their boarding school friend. Boarding school friends don't require much love and appreciation. I mean I'm sure it would be nice….but let's be real, your real friend doesn't come until college.
And even then with college, are college friends even that stable? A boarding school friend is more dependable because they have no life….or friends. They were genetically produced in a lab to go to boarding school, and then be your friend.
They listen to what happens at your school and they won't complain about knowing the story, because they definitely weren't there. Then later they'll tell you all the crazy stories about what happened at their school. Having a boarding school friend tell their adventures is honestly like hearing about what happens in Hogwarts, who knows what random stuff goes on within the "castle" grounds.
It's funny, you could ignore your boarding school for the entire school year, but when the summertime comes around they are down for anything. Before the mysterious boarding school children are shipped off back to captivity, they tend to get a little wild and unpredictable.
Scientists believe it happens because boarding school students have no freedom for 9 out of the 12 months in the year. Boarding schools and college preparatory schools alike can instill rules and regulations into these young and impressionable teens. With all that conditioning there is almost no room for fun, which leads to the wild and unpredictable side our scientists have studied.
Researchers and developers will soon work further into this analysis to see if there is anything else we need to learn. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.