I don't mind writing about personal topics.

I would much rather write about more raw topics, but for some reason, this is a little difficult to write about. I've written about my depression and anxiety before and how to deal with that, but there's another little monster that has been around since the beginning of little Emily's life.

My OCD has come in different forms, in different phases of my life. For a while, I had to tell my mom every little "bad" thought I had (sorry, mom). For a while, I would pick at scabs repeatedly on my head. This compulsion has come back into my life recently, at full blast, as well as another compulsion that began when I started college.

I've been picking at the soles of my feet pretty steadily for about two years now. I know that picking at my feet and picking at the scabs on my head are silly and unnecessary. I know it may lead to infection. I have tried to stop. You can't just "stop" compulsions.

They're an odd thing--- compulsions. I used to think they were just habits. I was in denial about a lot of things as a young person, but I'm not writing about sexuality right now. I now accept my OCD, as it affects my every day life. I'm sorry if my compulsions affect you. I'm sorry if I'm sitting in class picking at my head. I'm sorry if I'm in class picking at my feet--I know it's disgusting. I'm working on controlling my OCD, but it's proving a long, winding road. I hope that one day I can leave my shoe on or not look like I have lice (I don't have lice).

My OCD doesn't come and go. It's always here and in different forms, though mostly my OCD is very physical. My OCD doesn't cause me to think that bad things will happen if I don't do something, which is a very mental form. I know someone who personally struggles with and it is very serious.

My OCD is physical in the way that I have compulsions to touch certain things--a button, a door knob, a knob. Sometimes my OCD doesn't hurt. Sometimes I bleed, and I know that's not okay and I'm working at it with therapy and medication. I'm working on it with support and with understanding. Thank you to everyone who interacts with me and doesn't make a scene about it. Thank you in advance who didn't want to ask but will know now and won't make a scene about it.

My bloody feet and head do not define me, but they are a part of me that I'm dealing with. This monster can't eat me whole.