Stop Blaming The Victim, And Start Holding The Perpetrator Accountable

Stop Blaming The Victim, And Start Holding The Perpetrator Accountable

There are way more advantages to being a safe person in society than being a rapist.
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In a time where multiple accounts of rape are being revealed, there is also a flood of opinions on personal responsibility.

Should the victim have done this or that? Should they have listened to those that warned them? Should they have worn that? Should they have just known better?

And to an extent, knowledge is a good weapon when one's sexual rights are in danger of being taken away. But one can take all the precautions — and still be raped.

This is where the perpetrator should have personal responsibility — NOT the victim.

The perpetrator shouldn't see someone walking alone at night and think "Hell yeah, time to get some!" They shouldn't look at someone wearing revealing clothing and plan to feel the person up. They shouldn't score some roofies to drug someone at the club that weekend.

Putting all the responsibility of not getting violated on a victim makes no sense.

It's almost as if people expect victims to be psychic.

"If I wear this, I know I will be raped."
"If I drink at a bar, I know I will be drugged."
"If I want this job, I know I will have to sleep with this guy."


Going into any kind of situation with this mindset is not only defeating but a self-fulfilling prophecy. That's not a healthy way to lead one's life — people should not have to live with this fear in the back of their minds.

Personal responsibility is only marketed towards those that crimes have happened to. Too many times has society or the judge placed blame on the victims for not knowing enough, not wearing enough, or not doing enough ahead of time to have prevented rape.

It is the perpetrator that needs to learn self-control.

The possible perpetrator should not want to create an unsafe situation for anyone. This is where the responsibility should lie. Being responsible enough to take steps to not sexually harass or take advantage of someone.

There are no widely publicized resources out there to help perpetrators. "Oh well, rapists are going to rape, so it's up to the possible victims to just learn to protect themselves." What kind of sense does that make?

In an ideal world, there should be an abundance of resources available to perpetrators in addition to the abundance of resources we currently have available to victims and possible victims. There should be interpersonal relationship counseling available to them. They should be taught how to handle rejection and hearing "no" as well as taught how to manage anger.

Personal responsibility for preventing rape should be put on the would-be rapists.

There are way more advantages to being a safe person in society than being a rapist. Passing background checks, job security, and long-lasting relationships just to name a few.

Being responsible takes initiative. One should want to know how to be a safe person to get on the road to being a safe person. Only then can the healing of hurts begin.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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These Are 4 Proven Ways That Vaccines Cause Autism

Stock up on those essential oils.

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Let's just start with the first (and main) point.

1. They don't.

Susan in your anti-vax group is not a scholarly source (despite her hours and hours of Google research).

2. But in case you still believe Susan...

Maybe you'll believe Autism Speaks who says, "Scientists have conducted extensive research over the last two decades to determine whether there is any link between childhood vaccinations and autism. The results of this research is clear: Vaccines do not cause autism."

3. And if Autism Speaks still didn't convince you...

Feel free to take a look at this comprehensive list of studies that all say that there is no relationship between vaccines such as the MMR vaccination and the development of autism.

4. But here's what you should know...

There have been a few studies lately that have shown that autism develops in utero aka before a baby is even born AND before a baby can even receive vaccinations.

Vaccinations have prevented COUNTLESS deaths and illnesses. Vaccination rates are continuing to fall and do you know what that means? Measles will make its way back. Whooping cough will come back. Rubella, mumps, and polio will come back and there will be no way to stop it.

So, now that you know that vaccines do not cause autism, you're welcome to go tell Susan from your anti-vax group that as well as tell her that the Earth isn't flat. But, don't forget to mention it to her that her essential oils and organic foods are not keeping her children safe from the measles or tuberculosis.

Vaccinate your children. And, besides, even IF vaccinations caused autism, wouldn't you rather have a child with a developmental disorder rather than a child who died from the measles?

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Part 1: Necessary Changes

One of my favorite movies is "Fried Green Tomatoes" with Kathy Bates. In the movie Bates' character Evelyn Couch says, "Someone helped put a mirror up in front of my face, and I didn't like what I saw one bit. And you know what I did? I changed." I know the feeling.

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I looked in the mirror over the weekend and didn't like what I saw.

The person I saw looking back at me is petty, selfish, manipulative, and unattractive. It wasn't that I hated what I saw, but I definitely didn't like what I saw either. It's a surreal feeling, looking at yourself through a critical lens, and it doesn't make you feel good in any way shape or form.

The image that I see of myself is not how I want others to perceive me. I want to be someone that people look at and see kindness, compassion, strength, and confidence.

I have enough general life experience to know that these types of changes aren't going to happen overnight, and not all of them will be physical; most of these will have to happen from the inside, from within myself.

When you find out you are all broken and damaged, it's hard to know where to start putting the pieces back together. I figured the best place to start would be the most literal: my actual insides; so, I decided to embark on a deep-cleansing journey to get all of the toxins out of my body, from the inside out.

I found this book on 10-day green smoothie detox stashed away in the dark corner of my bookshelf. The science behind it seems accurate and legitimate. By eliminating certain foods, your body is able to detox itself off of chemicals and foods that are slowing down your metabolism; the smoothies are specifically designed with combinations of foods that help restart your metabolism. Part of the detox process is getting rid of all dependencies on caffeine, alcohol, and sugar.

Every day you are given the recipe for a specific smoothie; you make the smoothie (about 40 ounces) and sip on it throughout the day whenever you get hungry. Every smoothie is a combination of leafy greens, water, fruit, and flax seeds. If you do happen to get hungry throughout the day, you are encouraged to eat raw nuts, hard boiled eggs, and a wide variety of crunchy green vegetables. There is also a detox tea that you have first thing in the morning, but other than that no other beverages are allowed except water.

I know that this is only the beginning of a very long, emotional, and draining journey. But I think I'm at the point in my life where I have to make these changes. I have to put my pieces together, I have to become a normal functioning adult, I have to find out who I am. I think that this is the perfect way to start.

For the next 10 days I am going to be documenting my experiences, how I'm feeling, what my emotions are doing, and any results that I see.

Stay tuned!

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