As many other people do in life, I struggle with the fear of being alone. I’m afraid of never finding someone who will love me for forever.  

Growing up, my parents got divorced when I was only three. It always scared me that I would end up putting my heart on the line and give some other person the opportunity to break it. When I was 18, my mother and my stepfather went through a similar divorce, leaving me unsure of what a stable man in a relationship looked like.   

I’m a very open person. I share many of my emotions, thoughts and feelings with people I call my friends and family. I’ve never been very good at concealing those things and hiding them from others. Turns out, this typically isn’t a good thing if you’re a guy. We are supposed to be the emotionally stable ones in the relationship. However, I feel like if people were to know where I stand it would make it easier on my heart.   

As a 21 year-old guy, I am constantly interested in looking for a female partner compatible with my life. I have this idea in my head that in order to be this man of God, I need to graduate from Baylor, get a good job, marry the girl of my dreams and have a family one day. Let me tell you, romantic movies like The Notebook have really messed me up. I've always thought that if you want something bad enough, you have to try as hard as you can to make it work. But what if you are just spinning your wheels, though? Doesn't God ultimately have the final say of what he wants for your life? So maybe I’ve been doing this all wrong. Maybe this image of Love I've always had needs to be broken.

Love isn’t something that can be rushed or forced. It has to develop and grow with time. I can say “love at first sight” is real because I feel as if I’ve experienced it for myself. However, in your life, you are going to love many people. Not all of those people are going to end up being your significant other. Something I’ve just never been very good at is distinguishing between people who are meant to be friends, and those who are meant to be serious relationships that are worthy of pursuit. I invest my time, heart and soul in relationships that I want to see flourish, but maybe not necessarily relationships that God wants to see flourish.     

That’s another thing I don’t do very well…RELATIONSHIPS. I have this preconceived notion, that if a relationship between another individual and myself doesn’t workout, then I have failed. Either I have failed the relationship or I have failed that person. That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself or someone else. I think this view of taking relationships too seriously came from my will and desire to not end up alone or without someone to love me. The only thing is, there already is someone who loves me, and they remind me everyday. Jesus Christ is that someone. He is that someone that loves me even when I think or feel like I’ve failed. His mercy and grace are showered onto me like the rains of a great storm. Even when I'm not loyal and faithful to Him, He will remain loyal and faithful to me.

It has been hard, even though it may not seem like it, to make myself think like this. I remind myself daily that I am worth it. Maybe no other person on this planet would make sacrifices like I feel like I would in a relationship, or even do half the things I would be willing to do, but Jesus has sacrificed far more than I ever have, because He said that He loved ME. 

The bible verse Isaiah 41:10 says, “So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God.”   

Therefore I know I can no longer be fearful that I wont' find someone because my biggest fear is being alone and God himself has told me I am not. I am merely required to cling to Him and make Him my all and later to teach someone else the love and merciful spirit that God has shared with me. As a Christian man, that is all I am required to do.   

So if any of you ever feel like your alone, let me assure you, you are not. Don’t feel so ready to find your identity in any other relationship besides the one you share with your God. He is constant, He is forever and He, most of all, loves me. So why try to find that elsewhere?