My Story - 2000/End

Let me take you to where it all began,

Where I stood my ground,

Where I turned and ran.

Let me walk you through my life,

Where my fears began to manifest,

Where I learned about the strife.

K - 2005/2006

Let kids be kids -

Boys will be boys,

Girls will be girls -

Children learning slowly

How the real world works

Slowly

Playing outside on the playground -

"You can't play here,

You're too round!"

Screaming, crying, reaching out for help

Slowly.

1 - 2006/2007

Hearing the bells' rings

A pain that forever stings -

First day back and I'm already remorseful,

Wanting to escape with no luck.

Sitting in my seat,

Here, here, present -

Bringing me back to the past,

Running, screaming, playing with friends,

Always being chosen last.

Tears began to overflow,

Heart's first crushes come and go,

Evil hearts showing true colors,

Ice beginning to grow over.

2 - 2007/2008

Everybody has that one person they hate,

Almost as if it were fate -

Nobody can help until it's too late..

Going home from school,

Face wet

Eyes full of tears,

People asking you what's wrong

No words come out

Nobody tells you how to deal with your stress

Not at this age, anyway

"You just need a good night's rest!"

To prepare you for another day..

3 - 2008/2009

Maybe this year will improve -

Maybe people will finally notice

All of the effort you put into your appearance

Until growth spurts hit

Awkwardly growing taller

Wider

Slowly curling into a ball

Mentally putting up wall after wall

Until your lungs are just surrounded

Drowning in your own tears

Every night as you can't hold it in any longer

Building and building

Piling up stress

Screaming, crying, reaching out for help

Slowly

4 - 2009/2010

The bullying doesn't seem to cease

Whether it's in the winter or 200 degrees

Your weight is too heavy

Your height is too short

No wonder you don't play any sports

Your hair is too greasy

Your skin is all oil

Your stress is winding like a pent-up coil

Your eyes grow heavy

You start to drift off

Only to be awoken once more

"You look pregnant," one says

"Go on a diet," says another

The voices are screaming from inside and out

Louder, louder, LOUDER

They grow

5 - 2010/2011

One more year follows the last,

Bringing you back into the memories of your past

You claw at your eyes

You claw at your throat

But you can't stop drowning

In your tears

You cough, you choke

You try to breathe air

But nonetheless -

There's nothing there.

Just one more year

Just one more year of suffering

Just one more year of not understanding

Asking yourself

"Why can I not be enough?"

One more year.

Just

One

More

Year.

6 - 2011/2012

A new year,

A new school,

A new you to behold

New classes,

New friendships,

New feelings to unfold.

Your first love's a bust,

And so is the second,

But when you're ready to give up..

He pulls you back in.

His embrace is warm,

His scent is inviting,

You can't get enough.

He leaves you for the girl in your class.

You don't understand why,

You look at yourself in the mirror,

You compare yourself to her.

A few days later,

You chop off your hair.

The stress is building,

Slowly

Slowly

7 - 2012/2013

Four months in and you have a new lover,

You don't understand your feelings or why,

You hold onto him tight as you dance together,

Your eyes closing as you slowly rock

Back and forth and side to side,

Trying to let your stress hide -

Yet it doesn't.

You burst out in tears, running away -

Hiding in the hallway where nobody can see

As tear after tear runs down your face

Causing it to get all splotchy

For the night before your first lover's embrace

You were told you were worthless

That nobody would miss you if you just up and died

That you should kill yourself before it gets worse

You go home that night and think it all through

Wondering if her words were true

Tears overflow onto your pillow

Your best friends left you

You were controlling

A worthless waste of space

Their words echo through you

As you pick up the shard of glass.

The stress that began building years ago,

It finally makes its way out,

Slowly

Slowly

Bleeding out

You wrap up your arm and continue on

Her words become stronger

Her hatred only grows

You gain more scars as she makes him leave you

Once again you're alone.

8 - 2013/2014

Your first kiss,

Awkward, wet, forced

"It's now

Or it's never."

Peer pressure is the world's strongest weapon

Feasting upon your heart and soul

Slowly

Slowly

As you struggle to continue on

He tells you he loves you

You believe him

Your stupid innocence causes you to believe him

Your pain

Your agony

You believe him

You grab his shirt

You try to keep him close to you

You love him

You hate him

All at once

It's over too soon

Or was it too long?

As you begin to panic, he laughs

You go home that night and cry

"I love you."

I love you too, bro

"Cut out with the bro already. I love you."

You let him in

You love him

You love him

Freshman - 2014/2015

You let him in

You love him

You love him

You remind yourself

You love him

As he does things to you

You remind yourself

You love him

As he hurts you

You remind yourself

You love him

As you want to throw up

You remind yourself

You love him

As you want to push him off

You're broken

You realize

As you sit alone and cry

You're broken

You have to be

You didn't like it

You have to be broken

You can't be okay

You had to like it

He liked it

You love him

He pins you against his wall

He pushes himself against you

He pushes forcefully

Into your comfort zone

He pushes

He presses

"I love you"

He says

As you

Break

Slowly

Slowly

Sophomore - 2015/2016

You're alone

He left you

You loved him

You hate him

You want to escape

Fresh wounds bleeding through

You want to leave

You can't escape

You smile through the pain

Struggling to continue on

You find a girl who seems alone

You make your way over and sit down

You let her spill her heart out

You begin to fall in love

Every inch of her

Every single inch

She makes you feel safe

She understands you

You nod as she speaks

Anything to please her

As you throw away your lunch

Too busy to eat

Too busy caring

For someone so special

So beautiful

So..

Perfect

Junior - 2016/2017

She helps you

Or so you thought

Things get tough again

You fall back down

You can't get up

New scars begin to form

Slowly etching across your porcelain canvas

Slowly

Slowly

You begin to push everyone away

You focus on yourself

On your own wellbeing

You find a chat client

People that can help

Slowly

Slowly

You begin to improve

Only to be pushed back down

Unable to move

You can't see

You can't breathe

You allow it to take over

Just one more year.

Just.

One.

More.

Slowly

Senior - 2017/2018

Your life begins to shatter

You feel as though you're incomplete

You left her alone in the darkness

You can't find yourself

Walking alone in the dark hallway

Trying to escape

Trying to find your way back out

Trying

Slowly

Slowly

You begin to hear voices

Telling you you're okay

When you know you're not

You never will be

You're broken down

Unable to run

Unable to function

Slowly

Slowly

You feel somebody's hand on your arm

You turn to look

But they're gone

The voices get louder

LOUDER

They grow

You're afraid to move

You're afraid to breathe

Someone grabs you and pulls you out

And just like that

You fall back in love

This time is different

For reasons unknown

Yet somewhere deep down

You know

You hope and you hope with all of your might

That this is the one decision that's right

He pulls you from darkness

Despite the inky blackness trying to keep you

Pulling and tugging you back down

You struggle to escape

To stay awake

You fall

Deep

Down

Slowly

Slowly

Never to be okay

Never fully okay

He tries

You try

You struggle to break free

Just a few more days

A few more days until you're free

Free of your monsters

Free of your stress

Free of your agony and pain

Just a few more days

A few more weeks

Slowly

Slowly

Future - 2018/Forever

Who knows where my story ends,

Nobody will truly understand,

Why my road has so many bends.

My stress is a black hole,

Pushing and pulling me back in,

Trying to forever take my soul.

I'm going to college this fall,

With the ones I love the most,

The ones who might be able to tear down the final wall.

Poetry; K47 Poetry Book