My Best Friend Broke Up With Me And I Want To Know Why

My Best Friend Broke Up With Me And I Want To Know Why

I still haven't discovered the reason why you left me the way you did, or why you did at all.
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It's a lot like a breakup.

Sometimes I go days without thinking about you. And sometimes I'm driving home at night, and a song comes on the radio that we used to blast in the car while driving to parties, or dance around in our dorm room to, and it all comes flooding back. Sometimes it almost feels like I'm back in that moment, with you.

You were my best friend in college. My roommate. My rock. You brought me home to your family for Easter. Every night with you was a fun sleepover. We stayed up too late talking and eating Cheez-it's and watching serial killer documentaries on Netflix.

We did our homework together, we ate our meals together, we went everywhere together. We spent many nights ordering pizza in and singing along to old Taylor Swift music videos. We would have done anything for each other. And I still would.

The way you ended our friendship was incredibly painful, because you dragged it out over a few months. As soon as you got a boyfriend, I was demoted in your life's priorities. Slowly, you stopped eating meals with me. You stopped answering my texts. You stopped caring about me.

When I came crying to you after a breakup, all you could say was "oh" before leaving the dorm, and I didn't see you for days. And then, you stopped talking to me completely.

But not only did you abandon me in my time of need, you began to disrespect me. You talked about me behind my back. You turned our "friends" against me. You actively excluded me from what used to be our friend group. You ignored me in public. You un-friended me on social media. And that's when I knew our friendship was over.

I went home one weekend and was watching my favorite movie, "The Great Gatsby" when I received the first text from you in weeks, informing me that you were moving out next week.

I was shocked. You had made it clear you didn't like me anymore, but I didn't expect you to leave me and move across campus in the middle of the semester. I guess I was just that horrible to be around. I wondered aimlessly where my best friend had gone.

When I got back to campus the next day, I unlocked the door to find all of your stuff completely gone. Our dorm never looked so empty, and I never felt so empty. I tried to hide the pain, but I was heartbroken. It felt like I had been broken up with.

That's when I noticed that not only did you un-friend me on all forms of social media, you also blocked me. I was floored when I went to your Twitter page and read that you had blocked me. The pain only got worse when a friend showed me your Twitter page on her own phone. I read over 20 Tweets directly aimed at me, insulting my personality, my intelligence, and more. I have never felt so hurt as I did right then. I was so betrayed.

I still haven't discovered the reason why you left me the way you did, or why you did at all. I never wavered in my friendship, love and support for you. I supported you in all your endeavors, helped you out in hard times, and was always your biggest cheerleader. Why you kicked me away like an abused puppy, I guess I'll never know.

You trying to erase me from your life continued. I visited your Instagram page to find you had deleted all photos of me and us. Same move an ex-boyfriend would make to pretend you never existed.

So I've been trying to make peace with myself, that I will perhaps never know why you broke up with your best friend. Or maybe I was never your best friend at all, if you could throw me away so easily and treat me so badly, when I am left unaware as to what I did to upset you so and merit such abuse.

And the pain of not knowing what was so wrong about me that turned my best friend against me so terribly is worse than any guy deciding he no longer wants to date me.

What you did to me still hurts, and the lack of closure makes it difficult to reflect on our friendship sometimes. Where did things fall apart? Where did I go wrong? These are questions I've been asking myself less and less frequently.

One day, it seems, you simply changed your mind about me, that I was no longer worthy of your friendship.

So I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. Hope you find somebody who is. I wish you only the best.

Cover Image Credit: Magic 4 Walls

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To The Friends I Wouldn’t Have Made Through Senior Year Without

I'm pretty dang lucky!
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College is hard.

Yup, I said it. It’s been a rough five years. I’ve always managed to somehow make it through. Sometimes I wasn’t so sure how, but I did it.

This year was different. I thought senior year was going to be easy. I’m not sure if that’s the right word, but I figured I had two semesters, nine classes, and 27 credits between me and graduation. It was literally the closest I’ve ever felt to being done school FOREVER.

I’m not saying this year has been the hardest educationally. But life happened this year, a lot. Between breaking up with my boyfriend, my best friend moving an hour and a half away, my family deciding to move to Florida after I graduate, and getting an internship while still working my part-time job.

Stress. Definitely an understatement. But it wasn’t so terrible. Now I still have two to three weeks left. So I’m slightly jumping the gun. I think it’s fine. I’m pretty sure I'm going to pass all my classes.

So you’re probably wondering, how did I survive?

Friends, friend! That’s how.

I made the most amazing friends at school this year. I wish I’d known them a whole lot longer.

They’ve stuck with my sometimes awful attitude all year. They’ve helped me with homework. They’ve lent me old textbooks, so I didn’t have to pay for them. They’ve voluntarily worked with me on multiple group projects.

They’ve gone out with me on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. They’ve given me a place to hang out countless times. They’ve given me something to do on an otherwise boring night, more times than I can count. They’ve introduced me to people who I absolutely love and can call friends now, too.

They’ve checked up on me. They’ve made me laugh. They’ve made me realize everything was going to be okay. They’ve acted as my own person, cupid, or wing women (yes you, Ashley) on multiple occasions.

For the first time in forever, they’ve made me kind of sad about a school year being over. But they’ve made me really sad that we won’t all be together like this again.

I don’t think I can thank them enough for everything they’ve done for me this year that they honestly probably don’t even realize. There aren’t enough rides to class, coffee, food or drinks in the world that can repay them. I’ll keep trying because I’m not sure if they know this, but they are most definitely stuck with me forever!
Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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To My Unconventional Best Friend, May Our Adventures Continue

We've been through some weird stuff, bud.
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Dear Skylar,

We've only been friends for a little over three years. It all started the day we met at a musical rehearsal and I threatened to break your hand. Within a few weeks, we were friends. When you proceeded to dawn a tutu, sparkly corset, and matching hat in the Halloween store before my senior homecoming dance, I knew we were going to be best friends and we have been since. It's been a crazy three years and to be honest I don't know how we've managed to survive.

We are total opposites in nearly every way. You love to get us into trouble and I love trying to keep us out of trouble. We've gotten in trouble together on numerous occasions, we've been hours from home in the middle of the night, we've tried sneaking into movies, we have played hide and seek in a Walmart, we've nearly been stranded because my Jeep ran out of gas and I wasn't sure where a gas station was, among so many other things.

I've had more "oh sh*t" moments with you than I have ever thought possible. You have definitely brought out a reckless side of me that I wasn't actually sure I had. More often than not it takes several hours of me trying to "mom" you and convince you that whatever we're about to do is an awful idea.

I usually end up just sighing and going along with it to make sure you don't hurt yourself or get into trouble alone. If it wasn't for me being terrified of getting into trouble we'd probably be in jail or dead at this point, but that isn't really the only point of this article.

In the last three years, we've endured a lot of important things together. A lot of scary things. You have seen me through heartache I didn't even think was possible. You've helped me recover from abuse and assault and you have never once judged me for the things I have been through. You've been there for me in my lowest of moments when I wasn't even sure what to do with myself.

I've been there for you in some of your darkest times and my opinion of you has never really changed. You're one of the strongest individuals I have ever come to know and even if some people may disagree, I think you're one of the best friends in the world. Through good times and bad times, you've always been the person I know I can count on and I hope you know that you can always count on me.

No matter how angry we get with each other sometimes, I have always been here to support the craziest of ideas and take pictures at your high school graduation like a proud mom. I'll always be here on nights when you "just don't feel right". I'll be here to "mom" you when you make stupid decisions but also probably bail you out of trouble after you totally ignore my advice.

I am more than willing to do those things because I know that on a night when I am upset and need someone that understands, you'll drive an hour or more to wherever I am to take me to a Walmart and play with me in the toy section so I can forget all of my troubles.

I hope that no matter where life leads us, we'll always be friends and always hold onto our plans to flee the country when life gets to be too much to handle. I hope that we'll continue to make summer bucket lists and google weird ways to get tattoos.

I hope that no matter how far apart we are I can always count on you to remind me just how bad ass I am. I hope that you'll always be "Cat Lady" and I'll always be "Johnny Newton". I hate that nickname by the way. Where did it even come from?

Here's to more Walmart adventures and car rides to nowhere.

Your fave little brown girl,

Lexi

Cover Image Credit: Alexi Sanderlin

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