My Best Friend Broke Up With Me And I Want To Know Why

My Best Friend Broke Up With Me And I Want To Know Why

I still haven't discovered the reason why you left me the way you did, or why you did at all.
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It's a lot like a breakup.

Sometimes I go days without thinking about you. And sometimes I'm driving home at night, and a song comes on the radio that we used to blast in the car while driving to parties, or dance around in our dorm room to, and it all comes flooding back. Sometimes it almost feels like I'm back in that moment, with you.

You were my best friend in college. My roommate. My rock. You brought me home to your family for Easter. Every night with you was a fun sleepover. We stayed up too late talking and eating Cheez-it's and watching serial killer documentaries on Netflix.

We did our homework together, we ate our meals together, we went everywhere together. We spent many nights ordering pizza in and singing along to old Taylor Swift music videos. We would have done anything for each other. And I still would.

The way you ended our friendship was incredibly painful, because you dragged it out over a few months. As soon as you got a boyfriend, I was demoted in your life's priorities. Slowly, you stopped eating meals with me. You stopped answering my texts. You stopped caring about me.

When I came crying to you after a breakup, all you could say was "oh" before leaving the dorm, and I didn't see you for days. And then, you stopped talking to me completely.

But not only did you abandon me in my time of need, you began to disrespect me. You talked about me behind my back. You turned our "friends" against me. You actively excluded me from what used to be our friend group. You ignored me in public. You un-friended me on social media. And that's when I knew our friendship was over.

I went home one weekend and was watching my favorite movie, "The Great Gatsby" when I received the first text from you in weeks, informing me that you were moving out next week.

I was shocked. You had made it clear you didn't like me anymore, but I didn't expect you to leave me and move across campus in the middle of the semester. I guess I was just that horrible to be around. I wondered aimlessly where my best friend had gone.

When I got back to campus the next day, I unlocked the door to find all of your stuff completely gone. Our dorm never looked so empty, and I never felt so empty. I tried to hide the pain, but I was heartbroken. It felt like I had been broken up with.

That's when I noticed that not only did you un-friend me on all forms of social media, you also blocked me. I was floored when I went to your Twitter page and read that you had blocked me. The pain only got worse when a friend showed me your Twitter page on her own phone. I read over 20 Tweets directly aimed at me, insulting my personality, my intelligence, and more. I have never felt so hurt as I did right then. I was so betrayed.

I still haven't discovered the reason why you left me the way you did, or why you did at all. I never wavered in my friendship, love and support for you. I supported you in all your endeavors, helped you out in hard times, and was always your biggest cheerleader. Why you kicked me away like an abused puppy, I guess I'll never know.

You trying to erase me from your life continued. I visited your Instagram page to find you had deleted all photos of me and us. Same move an ex-boyfriend would make to pretend you never existed.

So I've been trying to make peace with myself, that I will perhaps never know why you broke up with your best friend. Or maybe I was never your best friend at all, if you could throw me away so easily and treat me so badly, when I am left unaware as to what I did to upset you so and merit such abuse.

And the pain of not knowing what was so wrong about me that turned my best friend against me so terribly is worse than any guy deciding he no longer wants to date me.

What you did to me still hurts, and the lack of closure makes it difficult to reflect on our friendship sometimes. Where did things fall apart? Where did I go wrong? These are questions I've been asking myself less and less frequently.

One day, it seems, you simply changed your mind about me, that I was no longer worthy of your friendship.

So I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. Hope you find somebody who is. I wish you only the best.

Cover Image Credit: Magic 4 Walls

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An Open Letter to the Best Friend I Didn't See Coming

Some people come into your life and change you forever—thanks, bestie.
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Dear best friend,

I wasn't expecting you when God placed you in my life. I had my friends. I had my people. I wasn't exactly open to the idea of new meaningful friendships because I had the ones I needed, and it didn't seem like I really needed anybody new.

Thank God that was false. Sometimes you meet people and you just know that you're going to be good friends with. Sometimes you meet people and you realize that there is no such thing as chance. I think God has a funny way of making it seem as if the things that happen to us are by chance, but honestly, that’s a load of crap. If the biggest moments of our lives were left up to chance, then I believe that would make God out to seem as if he didn’t care. It would make it seem as if He was truly abandoning me and making me face some of my most important seasons fully isolated. But you, best friend, are a true testament to the fact that God doesn’t just leave such important aspects up to chance. Thank you for taking a chance on our friendship, and thank you for allowing me to take a chance on what I didn’t realize would be the most impactful friendship in my entire life.

Thank you for being real with me. Thank you for not sugar coating things. Thank you for telling me when I have a bad attitude. Thank you for loving me through my mistakes. Thank you for supporting me in my decisions, even if it isn’t always the decision you would make. Thank you for wanting the best for me, and for making that your true intent behind the words that you say to me, whether they be constructive criticism or encouragement.

Thank you for being a goof with me. Thank you for putting me first. Thank you for seeing the importance of our friendship. Thank you for making time in your schedule for us to just sit and do homework, eat Mexican food, or sit on the porch and listen to music that emotionally wrecks you.

You’re one of a kind. You’re a shoulder to lean on. You’re a safe place. You’re a free spirit. You’re rough and tough, but your heart melts for the people you love and it’s obvious. You’re more than meets the eye. You are worth getting to know. You are worth loving. You pursue people. You are passionate about your future. You are everything that a person needs, and I really thank God that for some reason you continue to choose to be in my life. Thank you for literally dragging me up my mountains of fear when I want to stay exactly where I am at and wallow in the sadness. You bring joy—true joy—wherever you go. You are my best friend, confidant, and biggest fan. You will be the Maid of Honor, Godmother, and fun Aunt.

I used to think lifelong friendships weren’t really a thing. It just seemed like people always grew apart and forever was never a point that was attainable. Best friends forever is a cliché phrase that is continuously overused nowadays (sometimes, I even used to make light of it), but thanks for making that a reality. You are truly the best friend I could have asked for. So thank you for it all. You make life more fun, and I couldn’t thank God more for making an incredible human, friends with me.

I love you, pal!

JQ

Cover Image Credit: Julia Dee Qualls

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The Best Kind Of A Love Is The Connection That Happens Without You Realizing It

You gradually develop a need for this other person, and you have no idea until the moment comes when you need them and they're not there.

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What about not doing it the typical way? What about never going on a date together, never discussing feelings for one another, maybe even seeing other people, happily. Why do we not talk about the situations that scare us the most? The best kind of love to find yourself in is the kind of love you didn't know you even fell into.

Have you ever talked to someone often, never crossed a boundary or experienced any moment of awkwardness between the two of you, yet one day passes where you don't speak, and you feel so off?

The feeling like when you're driving your car, and you suddenly freak out because you think you left your keys at home. Well, how is that possible? It's a quick realization, but it always feels like the quickest stab in the gut.

When you notice someone's absence, it makes you question their presence. "We're just friends. Why do I miss them? They're with somebody else. I'm not even attracted to them like that."

There are endless comebacks that pop into our head every once in awhile when it comes to analyzing a relationship in your life. Sometimes, with any situation in my life, I question why I feel what I feel, in the same situation. How can two people do the exact same thing, but I only get mad at one of them? How do I laugh when one person cries, but shake when a different person cries? Why do I mistakenly always say that name, every time I go to say the actual name? Why did I miss that person when they were busy if they were not even mine, to begin with?

Reality hits like a ton of bricks regardless of what it is that's becoming clear to you. I know this idea sounds wild, but how do you fall in love with someone you don't even have a crush on? And it turns out, for once, I don't even have an answer to that.

But, I do know it's possible. I don't know how, but I know it is, and I'm amazed by it, too. I can't help but perceive it as some spiritual, soul-matching, feel-like-i'm-in-space type of thing, that connects two people without them even knowing. You gradually develop a need for this other person, and you have no idea until the moment comes when you need them and they're not there. It's terrifying because there are emotions from every angle possible coming at you full speed with a loaded gun of questions, but it's beautifully scary, and it's something to be so proud of.

It is always going to be worth the risk if it means potentially finding the person who makes you feel whole, but isn't it just absolutely mind-boggling to think the universe took it upon itself to do the hard work for you by putting your other half right in front of your eyes, and just sits back and waits for you to wake up and realize it?

I hope it's not too late when you realize it.

Cover Image Credit:

Cheyenne Santoro

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