Lately, the Odyssey article "My Boyfriend's Best Friend Is A Girl" has been receiving a lot of attention. As a girlfriend and best friend, I just wanted to share my thoughts with the author.

To the author,

I agree with you that friendships are important in life, and that both you and your significant other should have your own best friends. However, I am baffled by your question “but what if his best friend was a girl?” So what?

You try to justify the rest of the article by claiming you “are not the jealous type” and “not insecure”, but that IS what you sound like. Your ending message, “But best friend, go find a new best friend that isn’t my boyfriend” shows your true colors as a jealous and insecure girlfriend.

From my first year, I learned how college is a great opportunity to form friendships, since you are surrounded by such like-minded people. I have made so many great lasting friendships, including my now boyfriend. My boyfriend and I share many friends, including those of the other gender. Personally, I think that my relationship with my boyfriend is stronger because we are both secure enough to be comfortable with each other having friends of the other gender.

You are concerned about a female best friend comforting your boyfriend, but if you really did “care about him” you would be understanding and happy that he has such a great support system, including both you and his female best friend to turn to. You express wanting “to be the female figure in his life that he depends on and goes to when he needs comfort” and ask “is that so wrong?” Yes. While I agree that as his girlfriend you should be a priority and play a prominent role in your boyfriend’s life, I would not want my boyfriend to depend on me. I don’t want a relationship built on dependence, but rather a relationship built on equality and trust.

I want my boyfriend and I to be equals and to build a lasting relationship together on mutual respect, trust and sharing. If your relationship is truly built on sharing, you and your significant other should have strong communication that would reduce most of the fears you express in your article. Although I can tend to be insecure, I am definitely secure in my relationship since my boyfriend and I try to express our love for each other so there is no room for doubts. So my boyfriend having a female best friend does nothing to threaten or change my relationship, and I hope you will settle for nothing short of that kind of security.

Personally, I look to my parents’ relationship as a model for mine. Although both of my parents have friends of the opposite gender, their marriage is still strong today more than 20 years later. My mom shared that she was nervous when she first met one of my dad’s female best friends from college. As they spent more time together, my mom realized her doubts were unfounded and my mom quickly became best friends with her too. Today our families remain close and I now affectionately call that best friend “Aunt Mary.” Maybe one day my children will affectionately call my significant other’s best friend “aunt” too.

If you are feeling a little insecure about your significant other’s friends, I suggest not trying to compete with them. Instead try changing your attitude from “go find a new best friend that isn’t my boyfriend” to "let’s all be friends together." If your boyfriend truly values them, then there are probably good reasons you should value them and become friends with them too. Find out what makes them the ‘best.’ So best friend, I truly do appreciate all you do to make my boyfriend’s life better. I look forward to you continuing to be my boyfriend’s best friend and hopefully also a friend of mine too.