When I walked into your favorite coffee house and saw you, I realized that I didn’t feel the same as I used to. I didn’t feel my heart drop and I didn’t feel my soul leave the Earth. My legs didn’t freeze up and I didn’t feel my hands ache.
I felt nothing.
No falling to the ground and crying to the sight of you. I felt no connection, no movement inside of me. My body didn’t react to you in the ways it used to.
You looked just like an average person in average clothes sitting all by yourself in an average coffee house.
I don’t give myself enough credit.
It takes months for the human body to renew itself. Months for my red blood cells to refresh themselves, a year to get new white blood cells, and up to 10 years for a new skeleton to be inside of me.
However, it only takes 2-3 weeks for my skin to shed itself and become new. Untouched.
I haven’t realized that it’s been four months since you last laid your hands on me, and my god, do I feel great. My body has cleansed itself of you, it must’ve gotten tired of letting all my insecurities get the best of me. While I was so busy wallowing in my own pity my body has wrung out every ounce of you.
I was wearing some hoodie and sweatpants. I didn’t shower this morning and I sure as hell didn’t floss—but I felt invincible. I felt as if I was on top of the tallest building of the Earth screaming and hollering at the top of my lungs about how free I felt. As if I was driving down the highway during a sunset with my windows down and my hand flying out the window as I belted the chorus of my favorite song. I felt as if I was dressed up in a long velvet dress dancing in the most beautiful corners the Earth has to offer. I felt on top of the world even though you and I are still under the same roof.
You are just another person passing by, another person sitting in this coffee house.
And I am something, someone, far beyond your reach.