Let Me Tell You About My Best Friend
Start writing a post

Over the last 30 years of my life, I have had many friends. Sometimes they stick around and sometimes they come in and out of my life. I used to tell myself that people could only have so many chances with me and then I was done, but that is not my attitude anymore. I now think that people come in and out of our lives for many reasons. Sometimes it has to do with timing and geography and sometimes life circumstances make it hard for two people to remain close. I changed my attitude about friendships when I got sober, but I got to put my new way of thinking to the test recently.

When I was 24 years old, I met the girl who I consider to be the best friend I have ever had. We had our babies really close together. We spent all of our time together. It happened really fast but we became best friends. I think that friendships are the most important relationships in a woman's life and finding a best friend can sometimes be like falling in love. I was head over heels for this girl. I had never ever had a friend like her and to this day I never have again. I can safely say that I have two girlfriends who I consider my soul mates and she is one of them.

For about three years, we stayed as close as close could be. We finished each other's sentences, laughed often, watched shows that we didn't enjoy just to watch them together, she ran with me, and I cooked with her. We nursed each other's babies. I watched her get a divorce and I supported her as she came out of the closet. She called me every week when I went to rehab and she gave me a place to live when I moved to be closer to her. I watched her get sober and she watched me re-enter the dating world when my husband and I separated.

And then, one day, it all came crashing down. There is no blame. There is no reason. It just happened. Or maybe there is blame. Maybe there is a reason. It doesn't matter, though, because all of a sudden I didn't have a best friend anymore. I had left my husband and I survived, but I didn't really think I would survive losing her. I felt like I was adrift. I didn't have anyone to talk to or to laugh with except my son. I had lost the one person I thought would be with me on the day I died, having shared every step along the way. I'm not exaggerating when I say that losing my marriage was nothing next to losing my best friend. I felt true heartbreak.

But here's the thing: I will never like or love a man the way that I love my friends. I will never feel the fierceness, the devotion, and the strength for a romantic relationship that I do for the handful of women (and approximately three men) who I consider my best friends. I will never ever give up on my friends. I learned this because when I lost my best friend, I mourned deeply and I waited. I waited because I knew that I would be ready one day if she came back into my life and she did.

It took about a year from the time we quit talking and I don't know what the catalyst was, but I know that one day we started texting and I know that once we did we started making plans to see each other again. I know that we eased into it and we had to very delicately talk about what happened between us. I also know that one day it was just back. We have an ease together. We understand each other. We know how to talk to each other and how to ask questions and how to say things that we might not say to other people. We laugh together and we can cry together and we are, undoubtedly, best friends.

Here's the thing, and here is the reason that this is important: I could have closed the door. I could be writing another one of those "open letter to my former friend" posts, but I am not. I am not writing that because I don't have to and neither do you. People do not lose their value. People do not lose their connection. Their value may change as they experience life and as they grow and change, and they connection may change as these things happen as well. However, the choice to end a friendship is exactly that, a choice, and I chose to remain open to my friendship because it meant so much to me. I chose to accept the fact that there was a time in which my friend and I were not meant to spend all of our time together and I chose to take that time to learn and grow and to prepare myself to be better a friend.

I made that choice because I love her, but I also made that choice because I love the way I feel when I'm with her. I have no regrets, I only have love. Had I closed the door, I would have lost the chance to see one of the most meaningful people in my life become the happiest and strongest I have ever seen her. I would have lost the chance to see her babies grow up. I would have lost the chance to laugh and cry and love with her. I would have lost it because closing the door would have been my choice. Life is full of choices, relationships are a series of choices, and today I get to make the right ones. Thank goodness.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Ready or not, here come the holidays, friends, and if you're as obsessed with the spirit of the season as I am, you are much more ready than not. Thanks to Hallmark Channel's Monopoly game making it possible to celebrate all year long, you can be ready now, too!

Keep Reading... Show less
Stephanie Tango

The pandemic has been in our world for more than half of 2020 and people are still acting stupid. If anything, they're getting stupider. They think that the virus is gone. It's not. Stop going to frat parties. Stop trying to go places without a mask. I wish things were normal, too. They're not.

Keep Reading... Show less
Kai Parlett

In the summer of 2017, 20 type 1 diabetics completed a 10-week 4,000+ mile bike ride from New York to California. They biked against the advice of doctors, family, and friends. Many were skeptical that people with diabetes could complete such a physically challenging trip without putting themselves in danger due to their disease.

Keep Reading... Show less

That's right, you heard that correctly: Demi Lovato and Max Ehrich called off their engagement after the couple originally announced their engagement in July after beginning to date in March.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

Demi Lovato's Called-Off Engagement Reminds Us Of The Importance Of Taking Our Time In Relationships

While this may be another hardship she sadly has to endure, I know she will find a way to inspire and help others through it.

9404

I am heartbroken.

Keep Reading... Show less

We all love a good ol' sappy Christmas movie and this year, the Hallmark Channel is finally giving us what we want: diversity.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Seasonal Depression Is Real And It Deserves Our Attention

Check in on your friends throughout the winter season, it can be brutal.

2082

As we transition seasons and enter the last few months of the year, some are feeling grand about this natural shift. But that doesn't mean everyone is thrilled that the weather is cooling down — it's important to extend your knowledge to the phenomenon that is seasonal depression.

The lack of sunlight during the later seasons of the year, beginning with autumn, triggers a state of depression for about 15% of the population. This results in the lack of serotonin provided by the sun, causing it to be hard for some to do a lot of the things that would normally be deemed simple tasks to do during the earlier times in the year like getting out of bed, showering, going to work/school, etc. A major difference is an intense need for sleep similar to a hibernation effect.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

September Is Suicide Awareness Month, But Mental H​ealth Is An Everyday Discussion

Mental illnesses deserve our attention 365 days a year.

2720

September is Suicide Awareness Month, providing an opportunity to raise awareness, further educate yourself, and remember the reality that mental illnesses present. Yet it's critical to understand that suicide awareness is not an annual Instagram hashtag to use and forget. Actively advocating for mental health resources, progress in education, and a broken stigma is an everyday ask — an activity that we can each participate in.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments