Breaking Up With My Boyfriend Made Our Friendship Even Stronger

Breaking Up With My Boyfriend Made Our Friendship Even Stronger

We're soulmates, but in a friend way.

Being friends with your ex: yay or nay?

I'm willing to bet most people say nay. And in most cases, I would agree. I have ex-boyfriends who hurt me so badly that I wouldn't give them the time of day now.

But the truth is that I'm best friends with my ex-boyfriend.

It isn't a secret either. We dated for two years, from 2013-2015. I decided to break it off because it became obvious that we just weren't meant to be together romantically. I knew we would be better off as friends.

Two years later, Dan and I have remained the best of friends. We talk every day, and hang out at least once a week, whether it be hanging out at home cooking pasta in the kitchen, running to WalMart, or going out to eat at our favorite Mexican restaurant.

We binge watch "Law and Order: SVU together," while eating ice cream on the couch. We play video games together and roast each other the entire time.

He is still a part of my family, and I am still a part of his. Every summer I accompany him to his family's beach house for a family reunion. I was his date to his mom's wedding. When my grandfather was in the hospital, Dan came with me to visit him. When Dan graduated college this year, he gave me a ticket, and when his name was called during commencement, I cried like a baby.

I've helped him move homes several times, including into his freshman year dorm. We give each other birthday and Christmas presents every year (even though most of the time they are gag gifts).

To most, this probably sounds really weird. How can you be that close with someone you dated?

Our connection is so strong that we have never felt awkward with each other, even though we often make people around us feel awkward. We joke around and have fun just like we always have. He's the best friend I could ever ask for. He's always there for me to lift me up when I'm feeling down, and he is my biggest supporter.

He literally knows me better than I know myself.

Our relationship makes people uncomfortable, including guys I have dated since. I don't expect anyone to understand how our relationship works. It may be unusual, but that doesn't make our friendship any less valid than anyone else's. Almost everyone questions it though. How can you be just friends with someone you were with for two years?

To us, the labels don't matter. We've been best friends for over four years now, and although we tried dating, it just didn't work out. We're soulmates in a friend way, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Cover Image Credit: Dahlia DeHaan

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Relationship Abuse: Getting Caught Up In Making Someone Else Happy That You Forget About Your Own Happiness

Keep fighting for your sanity

Over the past few weeks I’ve had some major changes take place in my life. I’ve moved from Connecticut back to my home state of Georgia. I’ve ended a horrible relationship and the sad part is; I don’t even miss him. Yes, there were a few tears, but they weren’t sad ones. More like tears of utter joy and freedom.

So, my question to you is: when do you know that it’s time to break up? When is enough, enough?

Just a little run down on my past relationship to fill you so I can be justified in my decision to part ways. I spent the most of my time caring for the other person and trying to make their life perfect. I didn’t complain because Lord knows he did enough of that for the both of us.

My time, energy, and emotions were constantly spent trying to be everything that I possibly could for him and, yet I constantly asked myself if it was enough. I got so caught up in trying to make someone else happy that I completely lost sight of my true happiness.

I suffered in silence most of the time except when I had met my mental capacity for the bullshit. I put myself in counseling because I needed the time to just get it all out. I needed someone to vent my frustrations to. I would leave my sessions feeling drained and just spent from all the emotions that would come out.

My cellphone was a tracking device. I couldn’t be gone an hour without that all too familiar call of ‘where are you? When will you be back?’

It drove me to the point of madness, not like crazy madness. Just that state of mind. I was irritable and always in a horrible mood. I felt trapped and smothered. I know that a committed relationship is a big step.

Living together is a must but then it comes to the point when you suffer emotionally from the strain that the relationship puts on you I think it’s time to walk away. But the person I lived with didn’t want to take me for my word that I was unhappy and wanted a break. So, what was I to do?

How was I supposed to make them see? What was it going to take?

When I decided that I had finally had enough I did the only thing I could do. I booked a flight back to Georgia and decided that was where I was going to stay. Even after saying that I was done, just finished and couldn’t take anymore he still called trying to change my mind. ‘I’ll change, I’ll be better.’

I still couldn’t deal with the fact that he simply wasn’t hearing me. I mean how many ways can a person say that they need space before the other person gets the hint?

And of course, I was made out to be the bad one. I was causing him pain and I didn’t care about him. That’s all he ever cared about; his well-being. If I was unhappy it was ok because it didn’t affect him, and my problems were mine to work through on my own. There was no US unless HE was happy.

Every friend I talked to told me the same thing. Get out and walk away!

So, would you? Would you leave a relationship after you’ve tried talking to the person and explaining your unhappiness and they still wouldn’t listen?

Would you feel better after suffering months of mental and emotional abuse to finally walk out and gain back your freedom and sense of self-worth?

I suffered from relationship abuse, don’t let the same thing happen to you. If you’re fighting for your sanity and trying to keep yourself from going crazy; take my advice and leave while you can. Don’t stay trapped.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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It's Hard To Accept The Apology He Never Gave You

Even though you deserve for him to be sorry, it's OK if he's not.

One of the hardest things to do is find a way to move on without closure. It’s picking yourself up without ever understanding why everything became a mess in the first place.

It’s drowning in sorrows, soaking up all the pain and watching your self-worth dwindle away while you wait for the apology that is never going to come.

The thing is, sometimes you really do deserve an apology.

A person’s inability to acknowledge how they mistreated you is not a reflection of you as a person. He spun you in circles, drowned your heart in confusion and left you dizzy and broken.

But even though you deserve for him to be sorry, and you deserve for him to say it, you absolutely do not need it.

Somewhere along the way, someone convinced you that the only way to have closure was to have one last, heartfelt conversation with him. You just want some explanation as to why he was tearing you apart.

But let me ask you this, does that really make it better?

Is being destroyed in person better than through a text? Is that last conversation going to mend all the broken pieces you’re left with in the end?

He was unfair. He was wrong. He should be sorry.

But it’s OK if he's not.

Just because you deserve better, doesn’t mean what you once had didn’t mean something. Things that broke along the way do not remove your value, nor what that man once meant to you.

You’ve allowed this to define you and strip you of your self-worth. You’ve allowed yourself to believe that you cannot move forward without receiving some sort of validation for what happened.

Well here is your validation:


You don’t need him to say he’s sorry. You don’t need him to miss you. You don’t need him to regret the situation.

You are more than enough.

You are valid in your feelings and your frustration. You are valid in your want for closure and for a genuine apology.

I am sorry it has come to this. I am sorry you are heartbroken.

But as far as moving on, you’ve got this.

You are OK, and even if you’re not, it’s OK to not be OK. Closure is just accepting that a situation is over and finding a way to move on.

Accept that you deserve an apology. That’s all you really need. You deserve it. You are worth it. You are absolutely amazing on your own.

So pick yourself up, and fly.

You’ve got this.

Cover Image Credit: 123rf

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