This is the clash of the titans. The dual of the century. Who better delivers your packages, UPS or FedEx. And today folks, we're going to find the truth.

LOGO: FedEx

Logos are everything. They create your entire brand. A good logo can make a shitty company amazing. I mean, take a look at Android. Androids are pieces of trash, but that cute little robot logo they have is awesome, how could anyone refuse to support that?

So when it comes to logos, UPS has that brown and yellow insignia. The shape of it makes it look like the police force if the police decided to use fugly colors like brown and yellow.

FedEx, on the other hand, has very optimistic colors: white, red, purple, green. There is even that little mini subliminal message in the FedEx logo with the arrow between the E and the x. Now that's a logo.

ABILITY TO DELIVER: Tie

I used to be fully team UPS but then UPS lost one of my packages and I swore them off. But then a month later, FedEx lost one of my packages and I couldn't swear them both off and go to DHL because honestly, whose favorite delivery service is DHL? If you prefer DHL, please stay far away from me. So when it comes to the ability to deliver my packages, both are equally sucky.

DRIVERS: FedEx

So this one might not have a big enough sample size, but the other day a UPS driver pulled out right in front of me on the highway and it pissed me the hell off. Also, I was walking across a street and a UPS truck didn't stop for me. No, I wasn't in a crosswalk, but still, the nerve of that UPS driver. FedEx takes this one simply because while I might not have anything GOOD to say for FedEx, I also don't have anything bad to say, either.

DOGS: FedEx

So dogs are the ultimate judge of character, right? If a dog likes someone then that person is good to go. And when the FedEx guy comes to my door, my dog goes off the wall with excitement. She runs to the door and wags her tail when he comes. When the UPS guy comes to the door, she doesn't bat an eye. There you have it.

FINAL VERDICT: FedEx

Overbearingly FedEx, huh. FedEx takes this one.