Sexual assault has been a big topic recently which is amazing. I think it is very important to draw attention to these things. The attention makes people realize that they aren't alone and that they don't have to suffer alone. Every 98 seconds someone in the United States is a victim of sexual violence. Every 1 in 6 women get sexually assaulted and 14.8% of those are successful rape. Every 1 in 33 men are sexually assaulted and every 1 in 10 experience successful rape. If you ask me all of these numbers are high; especially women's numbers. People that have suffered this aren't alone. I'm not alone. I have been sexually assaulted three times in the past year and I'm lucky it was only three times.
Every time I was sexually assaulted was worse than the time before it. The first time was when I was a hostess. It was Halloween and a customer made two comments to me that put me on edge. The first time was when he first came in. I was wearing devil horns because it was Halloween and he had asked me if I was "horny". I understand that this was supposed to be a joke, but I didn't find it funny. I didn't know this person and I didn't really understand why he would say that. The second comment was made later that night when I was off work. I was sitting in a chair that makes it look like you have a different bottom half. I was sitting in it while waiting for my food when he and his wife were leaving. He had slapped the bottom of the chair and said: "if the shoe fits wear it". This made me very uncomfortable, but at that point, I was just happy that he was leaving. Nothing was done by the company that I worked for at the time and a few people I told blew it off as something that just happens. I don't blame them for doing that since we have been conditioned to do that, but I now kind of feel sad that they just blew it off.
The second time was when I first came it college. It was in the last week of August. I met up with this guy, but I told him that I was feeling sick and just wanted to hang out. Over text, he was okay with this and very understanding and so I didn't think anything was going to happen. When I got to his place I even took off the label on my water bottle so we wouldn't get them confused in case I was sick; he told me that that was a good idea. Halfway through the movie, he seemed to have forgotten that I might be sick and started making out with me. I would try to pull away but he would just start again. I never verbally said no, which may have been my fault, but from my body language, you could tell that I didn't want it. As we were making out he would try to get me on top of him and so I finally said that I just wanted to watch the movie. I then immediately texted my friend to call me with an excuse. I left and spent the night in her dorm feeling dirty. I didn't report this because I was very confused, and I never verbally said no.
The third and most recent time happened in mid-September. It was a Thursday night and he made me believe that we were going to be around a group of people. I was very wrong. I refuse to tell the details of that night. I don't want to relive it and thinking about it or that guy gives me really bad anxiety. I had told him multiple times that night no and he would either continue or ask me why like I had to give a reason. This night was so bad for me that I had tears in my eyes. I was scared for my life. I finally told him that I didn't want to stay up that late and he took me home. I was there for an hour. I was terrified for an hour. I never reported it. I didn't want to be forced to talk about what happened. I didn't want to relive that night. I just wanted to forget what happened. After that night my depression started to get worse. I began to question what I did; even though I knew I did nothing wrong. The only thing that I feel like I did wrong was not leaving sooner. I don't think I did the wrong thing about not reporting it because that was\is my decision to make. I can choose whether or not to talk about it. I chose to talk about it in this article; even though I didn't go into detail. Maybe someday I will go into detail, but not today.
You're not alone and if you need someone to talk to then call 1-800-656-4673. This phone line is the national sexual assault hotline and is open 24 hours a day.