Being Single Is Not Only Okay, It's An Opportunity

Being Single Is Not Only Okay, It's An Opportunity

Why being hard to love also makes you hard to leave.
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Okay, so, you’re single. Maybe this is a new thing for you, maybe you’ve been single your entire life (like me). Either way, you may be asking yourself, “Why? What’s wrong with me?”

First of all, nothing is wrong with you. Relationships are tricky, unpredictable, complicated and every single one is different. Building quality relationships requires that people get to know each other and knowing someone often entails finding out that they’re, as Meredith Grey would say, “dark and twisty” (shout out to Grey’s Anatomy).

As most people do, you have a past that has shaped you into the person you are today. Different trials and experiences can often lead to impairment in the relationship and dating department. If you’re like me, you may be a walking contradiction in a lot of ways.

You may often have difficulty communicating your feelings adequately with a habit of letting them bottle up and explode. You may be complicated and hard to understand. It’s hard to show you love because you may not be sure how to accept it.

With all that being said, you may be hard to love but that’s not the reason you’re single. You’ve been hurt in the past but it has given you growth. You know what you want and what you deserve and you shouldn’t settle for or accept anything less. You’re single because you have yet to find the person who meets these expectations and there is nothing wrong with not settling.

Why waste your time in a relationship going nowhere? Life is too short for that. The time you spend now, being single, will allow you to continue growing into a better you, without the added difficulty of being in a relationship simultaneously. When you have the opportunity to grow independent of another person, you are free to grow immense and beautiful.

Imagine two oak tree saplings. If they are planted too close together then the competition for resources results in their loss of the ability to grow as big or as tall as they could have been had they been planted with some distance. Let your roots extend deep, your branches reach far and grow so tall you reach the sky. The more that you learn about yourself, the better you will be able to know and love someone else.

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me why I’m still single I swear I’d be a billionaire by now but how do you answer this question?

I know the answer, I’m hard to love, I’ve been hurt and it’s complicated but no one wants to hear that so I normally just say, “Just haven’t found the right person.” This is, to some extent, true. I just haven’t found someone that wants the same things and is willing to work for and with me.

This is not a bad thing though because I would much rather be single than to settle into a dead-end relationship. Our society shames being single which is ridiculous because pitying those that are not in relationships is a gross underestimate of what these people have to offer.

If you’re single and allowing yourself to grow independently, you’re putting yourself at a distinct advantage in your future relationships. Learning what you need, want and expect from a significant other ensures that you will not accept any treatment less than what you deserve, the best.

Be secure in your independence and use the time to learn more about yourself. Your past may have left you hard to love at times but it also made your love an incredibly special gift because it is one that must be earned. When you find the person that is willing to do what it takes, you will find that all this waiting was well worth it.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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Just Because I Check My Boyfriend's Location Every Hour Doesn't Make Me A 'Psycho Girlfriend'

No, checking his location every hour does not make me psycho.
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My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a few months now. He has come up with describing my actions sometimes as “psycho girlfriend.” As much as this bothered me at first I started to realize there is nothing wrong with my “psycho” actions.

I don’t monitor who my boyfriend hangs out with and I don’t care who he texts, I trust him, but I do watch other things he does.

I probably check his location about once an hour, maybe more if he isn’t texting me back.

This isn’t some way for me to find out if he is with another girl, it’s so I can ensure he isn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. If he was on Snapchat five minutes ago but hasn’t texted me back in 45 minutes, yeah I’ll call him out on it but I'm not actually mad. If he is with friends and not answering me, it’s cool. I just want to be able to make sure I know where he is and that he is alive on a regular basis.

I make him keep his read receipts on for me.

I don’t care if he leaves me on read, I just need to know he is seeing what I’m saying. Half the time, I text him random facts or thoughts I have throughout my day, those don’t always need a response back. However, I do want to know he is acknowledging me through reading my texts.

Yes, from time to time I will spam him and make him respond to my messages so we can make plans or I can know what he is doing with his day but it’s not like I plan out his every move for him or care if he is getting drunk with the boys on a Wednesday, not my issue.

I don’t ask for all of his time or anything. I know he is a busy person. All I ask for him to text me back on a regular basis (once an hour to be exact), for him to allow for me to know where he is at all times and to get one night a week with him.

I don’t plan to show up where he is or anything, I simply just like to know information and get a weekly time with him. I don’t care if I only see him that one night a week, I just want one night with a movie or dinner or snuggles so I can get my boyfriend time.

The rest of the time he is his own person, and I couldn’t really care less about what he does in that time.

Cover Image Credit: Grace Wilkowski

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The Last Goodbyes

A Little Too Late...Or Is It?
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Rebecca's Point of View:

I can't believe today's the day, it felt like just yesterday that I walked into Clair's Boutique for my first day on the job. Before I drive to the airport, I am going to stop at the store to say my last goodbyes to everyone. I don't want Alan and I to leave things as they are right now. We still haven't resolved the fight thag happened on Wednesday. I miss him so much and it hurts to know that we might never see eachother again. I just can't believe all that we've been through a fight is going to tear us apart. I almost lost him once, I don't want to lose him a second time.

As I enter the store, the first person I see is Clair. She walks over to me with a big smile on her face and engulfs me in a hug. When she pulls away she says, "I still can't believe you're leaving, we're going to miss you so much!"

"I can't believe I am either, I never thought an opportunity like this would come around. Where is Mr. Brooks? I was hoping to say goodbye to him too."

"He's been locked in his office since yesterday. He doesn't seem like he's in a good mood, but go ahead. Are you two going through something right now?"

"Yea, we're going through a rough patch."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I hope you two can work it out!"

"Thanks, I really appreciate it." Then I turn away from her and head to his office. His door is open just a crack and I can see that his head is in his hands. I knock and I enter, "Hey, as you know I am going to leave for the airport, but I wanted to stop by and say my goodbyes. So I guess this is it, do you have anything you want to say to me before I go, probably forever!"

He doesn't look at me but says, "Have a safe trip and good luck in New York."

"Oh, thanks." Before I leave, I stand in the doorway and look at him, but he's still avoiding eye contact. So I turn and leave. I was hoping he would say 'come back,' but he never does.

Clair's Point of View:

After Clair left I was trying to think of a plan to get Mr. Brooks attention off from her. So I decided to find him and eat lunch together. When I come across him, he's already in the break room sulking. "How are you doing?"

"Ok."

"I don't mean to pry but is everything alright between you and Rebecca?"

"No, it's not."

"I'm here if you want to talk about it."

"I just can't believe that everything we've been through she'd go behind my back. She means the world to me, but I don't know if I can trust her anymore. We had a big fight on Wednesday and we didn't resolve it. Now she's going to be in New York at her new job, and I'll probably never see her again."

"I'm so sorry, yeah you two have been through a lot together. It sucks that a small fight would tear your two apart. But You're right you can't trust her anymore, you're too good for her anyways."

"Yeah we have been through a lot together and you're right, one little fight shouldn't make or break us. Couples go through this all the time and they push through it and they don't give up."

"Wait, what? Did you hear about the second part I said?"

"I have to go and too that plane before it's too late." He quickly jumps out of the chair, sprints to his office to get his keys, and runs out the door.

Mr. Brooks Point of View:

I drive as fast as I can, hoping the police don't pull me over. I hope I can make it in time to stop her from leaving. I finally reach the airport, find a parking spot, and sprint towards the entrance. I quickly find a screen with the gate numbers listed and I scan for the one to New York. I find it and run to gate number 36. As I'm sprinting to the gate, I hear an announcement saying, "Last call for gate number 36 to New York City." I start to panic and sprint even faster trying to avoid all of the people. I reach the gate and the doors are closed, I turn to the assistant and ask her, "Is there anyway I can board the plane?"

"Sorry, but once the doors shut, they stay closed. But if you need more assistance you can go to the courtesy desk."

"Look, I'm sorry but you don't understand. This isn't my flight, my girlfriend is on there. We had a huge fight, and now she's leaving to New York and I may never see her again!"

"I'm sorry sir, but the plane is almost ready for take off."

I notice the plane moving towards the runway and I realize it's too late. "Thank you for your time." I look through one of the big windows and watch her leave with tears running down my face I was too late.


Cover Image Credit: Hospitality Lawyers.com

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