Being Single Is Not Only Okay, It's An Opportunity

Being Single Is Not Only Okay, It's An Opportunity

Why being hard to love also makes you hard to leave.

Okay, so, you’re single. Maybe this is a new thing for you, maybe you’ve been single your entire life (like me). Either way, you may be asking yourself, “Why? What’s wrong with me?”

First of all, nothing is wrong with you. Relationships are tricky, unpredictable, complicated and every single one is different. Building quality relationships requires that people get to know each other and knowing someone often entails finding out that they’re, as Meredith Grey would say, “dark and twisty” (shout out to Grey’s Anatomy).

As most people do, you have a past that has shaped you into the person you are today. Different trials and experiences can often lead to impairment in the relationship and dating department. If you’re like me, you may be a walking contradiction in a lot of ways.

You may often have difficulty communicating your feelings adequately with a habit of letting them bottle up and explode. You may be complicated and hard to understand. It’s hard to show you love because you may not be sure how to accept it.

With all that being said, you may be hard to love but that’s not the reason you’re single. You’ve been hurt in the past but it has given you growth. You know what you want and what you deserve and you shouldn’t settle for or accept anything less. You’re single because you have yet to find the person who meets these expectations and there is nothing wrong with not settling.

Why waste your time in a relationship going nowhere? Life is too short for that. The time you spend now, being single, will allow you to continue growing into a better you, without the added difficulty of being in a relationship simultaneously. When you have the opportunity to grow independent of another person, you are free to grow immense and beautiful.

Imagine two oak tree saplings. If they are planted too close together then the competition for resources results in their loss of the ability to grow as big or as tall as they could have been had they been planted with some distance. Let your roots extend deep, your branches reach far and grow so tall you reach the sky. The more that you learn about yourself, the better you will be able to know and love someone else.

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me why I’m still single I swear I’d be a billionaire by now but how do you answer this question?

I know the answer, I’m hard to love, I’ve been hurt and it’s complicated but no one wants to hear that so I normally just say, “Just haven’t found the right person.” This is, to some extent, true. I just haven’t found someone that wants the same things and is willing to work for and with me.

This is not a bad thing though because I would much rather be single than to settle into a dead-end relationship. Our society shames being single which is ridiculous because pitying those that are not in relationships is a gross underestimate of what these people have to offer.

If you’re single and allowing yourself to grow independently, you’re putting yourself at a distinct advantage in your future relationships. Learning what you need, want and expect from a significant other ensures that you will not accept any treatment less than what you deserve, the best.

Be secure in your independence and use the time to learn more about yourself. Your past may have left you hard to love at times but it also made your love an incredibly special gift because it is one that must be earned. When you find the person that is willing to do what it takes, you will find that all this waiting was well worth it.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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A Letter To My Best Friend's Future Husband

You're marrying me, too.

Dear BFF's future hubby,

First of all, congratulations. You've caught one of the sweetest, most beautiful fish in the sea. But I don't need to tell you this. You already know she's a dime plus ninety-nine. Wifing her up is definitely the best decision you've ever made. Our girl (yes, she's mine too) is one of a kind. She's strong, smart and unbelievably caring. Her standards are pretty darn high, so you must be quite the man. If I had to guess, I'd say you're very tall and very handsome. You probably also dress extremely well and drive a nice car. Most importantly, though, I'm sure you're an awesome person who treats my best friend like the princess she is. Now that you two have tied the knot, there are a few things we should get straight.

You married me too.

Sorry to break it to you, but her and I are a package deal. Lucky for you, I rock so this is no biggie. You can expect daily phone calls and multiple visits throughout the week. Some of these visits may result in sleepovers, and some of these sleepovers may be in your bed. Deal with it. You'll learn to love me (almost) as much as you love her.

I'll be your go-to girl.

If you ever need advice or anything of the sort, I got you. I know this girl better than 99% of people so I'll be your main source of info until you reach my level of expertise. It's likely that I played a big part in planning out your engagement so you probably already know how good I am at this kind of stuff. If she's ever upset, call me up and I'll I'll tell you how screwed up and give and how to fix it. If you want to know how to surprise her, I'm your gal. Of course, all of this will be our little secret. You can take full credit for any of the ideas I give you.

If you hurt her, I'll cut your you-know-what off.

I know you won't, but this is something I'm kind of required to say.

I'm so glad she met you.

This is the most important thing I want you to know. I can only imagine how incredibly happy you make my best friend. She doesn't fall in love with just anybody, so I know you're special. You're the one. I can finally stop pretending to be her lesbian girlfriend when creepy guys hit on her at the bar. So thank you. Thank for making her laugh until she cries, for constantly reminding her of her effortless beauty, and for never saying "no" to the pair of shoes she wants. Thank you for proving me right all of those times I promised her there was a guy out there worth marrying.

I can't wait to meet you!


Your future best friend-in-law

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To All The Boys I Loved Before

The act of getting over someone is never-ending, a constant and painful forgetting.


i dabble in the art of illusions

pretending nothing penetrates my veil of apathy

that the people i once loved are just that: once loved, once ago

but the act of getting over someone is never-ending

a constant and painful forgetting

murdering the memory of something once held so dear

but now it means nothing at all

every boy i ever loved

has his own physical space in my head

their own colors and smells

always alive in an in-between state in my mind

after the beginning but before the end

this is how i cherish them:


the first boy's color is orange and he smells like cheap cologne

there is not much else to say about him

except that young love feels so much more real when you are in it

but when it fades you are left with nothing save for

a trickle of embarrassment

and a firm decision never to repeat the same mistake

so thank you for teaching me to respect myself above everything

but fuck you for planting the first seed of wariness in my still genuine heart

and fuck you for everything that happened next


the second boy is red, vibrant and frantic, and he smelled of delicate ivory soap

everything with him was whirlwind passion

i was always crying—from happiness or frustration

when it became impossible to differentiate between the two i knew something was wrong

yet i stayed for the rapture

thinking "this is what it's like to be young and in love"

when really it was just being young and lost

and one day i woke up and the ardor had trickled to a vague interest

the fire that once crackled now coughed

and then fizzled into lethargy without any warnings

i struggled to explain to him that it wasn't him, it was me

and merely watched from the stands as he came completely undone

and that's when I realized that pain was alright

as long as it wasn't happening to me


the third boy is golden-brown, tender and inviting and he smelled of ocean shampoo and coffee

everything about him was sun-kissed: his hair, his soft skin, the warm embrace of his arms

i had grown accustomed to boys with calloused hands, hardened edges, and dark corners, as empty and cold as basements

yet he was open and bursting with light, as comfortable and intimate as a bedroom

until the dark in me had overcame his light

and his warmth dissolved into my cold: cold touches, loveless glances, spiteful words

until, at last, i snuffed out the last tendrils of his glow with my transgressions

let him cradle me in our bed while I burrowed into his chest and devoured his heart

i have regretted it ever since

we weren't compatible in most levels beyond physical

but he never deserved what i did to him and i'll always be remorseful

maybe one day things will be different but I fear his heart has hardened and it is far too late

these three boys taught me that broken people break people

and forced me to end that chain

before it was too late for me

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