I've been single for a while now and at first, it was one of the hardest things I had to deal with, especially after just getting out of a three year relationship. I wanted attention from guys, I wanted someone to talk to all the time about anything and everything with no judgment, I wanted someone to hold hands with and kiss at red lights and go on dates with, but none of that matters to me anymore... Right now.
Of course, sometimes I get lonely and I want to be with someone. It gets hard sleeping alone every night after spending nights with the same guy every weekend. But I found it's not worth the hassle trying to get guys' attention and play along with their games.
When I first got out of my relationship, I immediately downloaded Tinder and tried finding a new boyfriend. I found one guy and he was downright perfect, however, I couldn't get into a relationship with him. I wanted to so bad and it just wasn't working for me. I just got out of a three year relationship and I knew I liked this guy, but I also knew I needed time to myself. However, I didn't explain it in the best of ways and now it kind of ruined a potential relationship. I don't blame him for being mad at me because, in all honesty, it did seem like I was playing games with him. However, if anyone that knows me is reading this, you know I am the last person that would play games with someone. It's not a good feeling getting toyed with and then being let down. So if you are reading this, just know I was in a confusing phase of my life and I in no way meant to hurt you or lead you on because that is the last thing I would have wanted to do to someone as amazing as you.
Now I've been single for months and I've been trying to start finding a new relationship. I've gone on a few dates, I've talked to a plentiful amount of guys, but something is holding me back. Maybe it's the lack of interest from the one guy I really want to go out with, or it's me realizing I'm just trying to fill a void in my life.
But there is no void that needs to be filled. It sucks being single when all your friends are in love and going on dates every night... Or does it?
I have no obligations to anyone. I literally could lay in my pajamas all day and do nothing and not have to worry about forgetting to respond to my boyfriend or having to get dressed to go on a date with him. I don't have to spend my paycheck on gifts and food - I can spoil my pretty little self every once in a while instead.
Being single has helped me gain so much confidence within myself. I hardly wear any makeup anymore, I take one selfie and I'm done - I don't need 50 to choose from. I post whatever I want without thinking if it's "sexy" enough for the guy I'm interested in. I just do what I want and what makes me happy because it's what is best for me and my life.
I would never say no to a relationship if a good one came along with the right guy, but I refuse to settle. I will not settle for someone just because I'm alone and want someone to hold my hand. There are so many fish in the sea and if I have to be single for a while until I find Mr. Right, then I'll be single. But I won't settle for someone just because I want to be in a relationship, it's not fair to me or to the guy I'm seeing.
Being single has given me more time with my family, more time with my friends, more time to think, more time to write and more time simply just to do what I love. Whenever I'm bored it's hard not think, "Well I wouldn't be if I wasn't single" but it is easy to remove that thought from my mind immediately and go do something I couldn't do while I was in a relationship.
I love being single but it's taught me how to be happy on my own and given me time to do the stuff I've been wanting to do for years without any concern of pleasing anyone besides myself.