‘You’ll find somebody someday”. “You should go out and meet someone”. “Things aren’t as fun when you’re single”. Do any of these remarks sound familiar? They do to me. I hear them often. I’m 25 and single, and yes, the comments come up about finding a boyfriend and getting married but, in all truthfulness, none of these things are on my radar. For you reading this, it may not be for you either. If it is, that’s okay. It’s not wrong to desire a relationship and to want a husband. In fact, it’s natural. Most women long for these desires. But, this isn’t about whether or not you desire a husband. This is about why it’s not a curse to be single like the world would have you think.
Let’s begin at an early age of my life. I’ve had thoughts and dreams of having a husband, and living in a yellow picket fence house with a bajillion dogs. But, as I grew older some of those dreams changed. Yes, I still want a bajillion dogs and I would love to have a husband one day if the Lord wills it. Although now I desire different things more than I do a relationship, it took me a long time to get there. It took me years to learn that being single is actually a great thing.
I remember times when everyone surrounding me either had a boyfriend or was getting married. It had seemed that this was all I was seeing. I wasn’t willing to look outside of this box because it’s what I wanted. It’s what I desired. There was something aching in me that wanted to be loved; it was a craving. A guy hadn’t loved me in so long, and when I did have a guy tell me they loved me, it wasn’t real life. He used my heart to the point of heartbreak taking more than a year to recover from. I wasn’t okay. In fact, I felt unloveable. Nothing in me felt an ounce of worth. There was a lot that I had to work through. God was refining me.
After one of the greatest heartbreaks of my life, I learned to move on slowly but it still damaged me. The desire to be loved and to have a boyfriend still hung out in the back of my mind. So many times in my life I have wanted to awaken love. The Bible tells us not to do so but why? Wouldn’t it be so much easier to do just that? I know many women have experienced the loneliness and growing tired of being the bridesmaid and never the bride.
As a girl, all your life you hear about finding the one and starting a family. It’s something that many Christian women emphasize in Bible studies and small groups, but why? Why is this something that we as christians want to instill so badly into the minds and hearts of young women? It’s important to know that we can balance out the topic of relationships while also learning more about the nature of God or the calling He has placed on your life? Why are we are so easy to believe that being single is a curse? It’s not a curse. It’s a blessing.
This lesson is one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned throughout my life. It took me a couple of years ago to learn this and to really believe it. But when I learned it, the Lord showed my why I should believe it. I haven’t desired a relationship in a long time and that’s because I’m content in my singleness. I’m content because being single is actually a lot of fun. Through your singleness, you learn about yourself and you grow. In the season, you realize who you are in Christ and you may even find your calling along the way. Life is a journey with many paths. Your singleness right now is a path that God has you on. It’s a time to enjoy the journey and it’s a time to grow into the young person you are meant to be.
Another reason why singleness isn’t a curse because it’s preparing you for something. God is and will always be preparing you in every season you are in. Being single is no different. You are in this season because you are being prepared for what He is preparing you for. Where you are at right now isn’t a disease. It’s a good thing. While you are waiting and being prepared in the season of singleness, remember that seasons are always changing and everything is temporary. Enjoy having a life of singleness while you have it. It’s a gift.
Being single enables us to be completely devoted to the Lord. Jeremiah 32:33-34 says “ They will be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me and that all will then go well for them and for their children after them.” If we just change our mindset from being single to having a single heart who is fully devoted to God, life would be different. He has so much for us in such a beautiful season.
Your identity does not lie in a relationship or a marriage. Your identity lies in Christ Jesus who has chosen us before the very foundation of the world. You are chosen and you are already loved. You do not need to fill the void by being in a relationship. It’s good to be single, and it’s good to be fully devoted to the one who created you.
I discovered the contentment of singleness after a guy I was talking to randomly stopped talking to me. I, for some reason didn’t care or didn’t mind if he liked me or not. It was that day I learned a perspective I had never really understood before; the perspective of singleness being a blessing. Never in my life have I felt so focused and so free in who I am and where my identity lies. I’m content in my singleness ready to embark on what journey the Lord has for me next. Life doesn’t revolve around being in a relationship. Life is more than that. Life is a beautiful journey.
Singleness isn’t a curse. It’s a blessing for the journey ahead so that you may find your identity in Christ and become so content in who He is as your Savior that being taken will become so little compared to the greatness that is Jesus Christ.
I pray that you find contentment in your identity with Christ, and that you have a single heart who is fully devoted to Him because that is when you will find contentment. That is when your perspective on singleness will change.