If I am to be completely honest with you, lately, I haven't quiet felt myself. It's not all bad though, there are things you learn about yourself and life when you are forced to slow down and look around. After a week or so went by, I felt that I was in the wrong for still not being "myself". But, I soon came to the realization that it isn't always wrong to not be "okay." Life throws you this way and that way, it's nothing you can control. I don't believe that we are supposed to always feel amazing, sometimes things in life are simply not okay, but that doesn't mean that you are not okay.

Normally when something goes wrong in my life, I feel that people don't catch on easily. From there it is easy to assume people don't care or that they can't sense what you are going through. We always build up this expectation of human comfort, but honestly in life that seldom comes. People can feel insufficient to help, or simply scared to ask how things are going. What is so real to you may not make sense in ones mind, and it is not something to take too personal.

Even though I am a quiet person, I still seek comfort from those around me. Where as I might not come to you with everything going on in my life, I am a people person, and I need connection perhaps more than the average person. I tend to spend too much time in my head, and for someone who struggles with fear and anxiety that is a dangerous place. Challenging myself to get out from behind that curtain of fear and simply living day by day has become a big part of my life in the last few days. Where as I know on the end of the day that I am okay, I honestly just need to hear it from someone else some times.

Within the desolation of life, sometimes beauty becomes evident. As I look around and see everything that is not going right, I still find joy in the most basic things. I see the beauty of looking around and seeing others that have that same look on their face. They might think the sorrow they wear is not revealing, but I have always been in-tuned to the people's feelings. I'm a strong believer that if you take the time and start looking everyone in the eyes, not past their eyes, and truly look, you can tell what is going on with that person. Also not being "okay," often allows you to not overlook others emotions, because of you being so well off, it allows you to get on the level of others much easier.

Lastly, if you are in the same position as me, I ask you to please be easy on yourself. No one is going to be easy on you, they don't know what your going through, or where you come from. Therefore some one has to be easy on you, and that might just have to be yourself. If you are hard on yourself all day and someone else says one small thing about you, that can easily set you off.