Over the course of our lives, we are met with many situations where the words of our parents’ pop into our minds and we must decide. The words I’m refereeing to make up a handy little saying we carry well into our adult years; “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

This phrase often evolves into a coping mechanism when dealing with difficult people at work, in classes, or pretty much anywhere, and if your anything like me, growing up a nice person was inevitable. But what happens when you’re undying desire to be kind and compassionate to everyone you meet begins to hurt you? I’m here to tell you, it’s okay to be kind of a jerk sometimes, and of course, that’s situational as well.

Nice people don’t always finish last but they’re pretty easy to take advantage of, I think I speak for all people pleasers when I say it’s hard to be mean when giving people what they ask of you doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but sometimes it is and even then you’ll find yourself making a really hard decision that’ll ultimately leave you with the short end of the stick.

I speak from experience when I say I’ve spent many nights broke, hungry, and alone while the people I’ve given money to, fed, or just been there for go off and live their lives while shrugging at my struggle.

It honestly sucks to be a good, kind-hearted person sometimes and it took me a very long time to learn that you just can’t help and be there for everyone, especially when its time to return the favor those same people are nowhere to be found.

Not everyone is your friend for the right reasons and while I for one am not very partial to cutting people out of my life, I have learned that sometimes it just has to be done to ensure my own personal well - being, it’s okay to be concerned about yourself as much as you are for others.

Saying no is sometimes required especially when the situation could end very badly for those in question, remember, when two or more people understand how they both operate, saying no to a request, favor, or loan should be understood and spawn no negative feelings.

This is especially true when it comes to dating and sexual encounters; NO MEANS NO and no one who tries to pressure you to change your response to appease their advances is beneficial to your life, do yourself and favor and stay away from people like this.

I don’t say this to say that you should be cold-hearted and look for benefits in everything you do, there are too many people in the world looking for their own self - gratification, the world needs people like us, however, its okay to protect yourself and say no sometimes, its okay to be unavailable, it’s okay to not want to help someone especially if the person in question has a knack for getting themselves in the same bad situations every single time.

It is okay to not be a people pleaser all the time; family and REAL friends will understand your reason for saying no and you’ll feel better not having to overexert yourself to meet incredible standards for once.

In this life, we must remember that every decision we make is one we must live with, saying no to someone’s request, whether it be a roommate, a partner, a parent, coworker, or friend should not damage that relationship when both of you are coming from a place of understanding.

Being a people pleaser is a blessing and a curse, but it doesn’t have to be a burden. I’m here to tell you that saying no is sometimes required, it's up to you to decide which situations threaten your mental, emotional, psychological, or even physical health.

No one who makes you feel bad about having to say no or turn them down belongs in your life, its okay to cut people out when they start to take advantage of your kindness. Remember: Do No Harm and Take No Shit.

*Song of the Article: Friends by. Hustle Gang*