So I’ve been going back on forth on whether or not I wanted to write an article on this subject. Who am I, a long term girlfriend in a pretty great relationship, to write about struggling with independence? Just because my situation doesn’t necessarily equal #foreveralone status doesn’t mean that I am suddenly fulfilled and complete as a human because I have a boyfriend.

My Meyer Briggs says I’m an ENFJ, which basically means I’m an emotional extrovert that gets too invested in other people. I just care, and I care a lot when it comes to people I’m close to. This also means that I tend to overthink situations and look way too closely into things. If I’m being honest, I’m clingier than I’d like to admit. Right now, the millennial feminist inside is screaming, “You don’t need a man!” but then I have this crazy awesome boyfriend that gives me support and always makes me laugh when I’m down. Maybe I don’t necessarily need a man, but for right now, it’s lovely to be doing life with him.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that while I have that support, it isn’t a 24/7 sort of thing. We’re adults, we’re working, I’m in classes and life is busy. Obviously I want him to be able to be there when it’s convenient for me and I’ve finished what’s on my plate, but that doesn’t always happen. It’s hard to be able to put myself in someone else’s shoes for a perspective other than my own, but honestly, it’s way easier to feel lonely.

So how do I fulfill this independent modern working woman role of the 21st century? Can I even do that while being in a relationship, doesn’t that undermine the entire foundation of being Miss Independent?

I don’t have an answer to this yet. I don’t really know entirely. But I’ll tell you what I do know; I know that I have goals and aspirations bigger than this fear I have of being too clingy. Being independent and caring for other people aren’t on opposite ends of the world, I know I can do both without making myself “less than.” I’m not cutting myself in half to become whole with someone else, I’m becoming complete in my own ideals and beliefs while growing alongside someone else who—surprise—is doing the same thing. Probably just like every other millennial in the world.

Do I want to be more independent? Yeah, I think I do. But if shutting out loneliness completely requires me to stop feeling those types of emotions, the good ones and especially the bad ones, I’d rather not stunt that emotional growth. I think that being able to endure the heartbreaks, depression, and anxiety that comes along with life in general is a huge part of being independent. Ignoring those feelings doesn’t make you independent, it makes you emotionally unintelligent.

Knowing how I feel and accepting, not tolerating, those emotions is making me more like the Miss Independent I know I can be. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever embody this idea of a stand alone independent woman, but for now, I’m working on it and I feel great doing just that.