"Be a man." It's a classic phrase I grew up hearing, directed at me, a woman, and my older brother. For some, it was a command to be tough and aggressive. For us, it was a call to be a leader. But neither of those definitions should be linked solely to men.
I recently read a New York Times op-ed that tied men's confusion about masculinity to the fact that men commit the vast majority of mass shootings. I don't know if I agree with it, but I think it's a topic worth exploring. I've broken down some of his arguments to their base components.
It has become much easier to be a woman in America.
We're more empowered than ever and we're finally able to fully stand up for ourselves. We're supported and loved and lucky.
Men, therefore, have not gotten the attention that some think they deserve.
While all these great things have been happening for women, some men feel abandoned. A lot of you may think that's a sign of male privilege, But it's more a sign of human nature.
I do not think mass shootings are a cry for attention. I think they are too complex to be solved by a discussion of gender, but that the question of manhood needs to be answered to help us understand why nearly only men are causing this much damage.
Men don't know what it means to be a man anymore.
What we define as masculine has changed drastically over the years. Masculinity is no longer about being strong and brave; it's about, well, we don't really know. Emotions and character traits have become ungendered, and according to the op-ed, that's led to some major confusion.
Traits we used to believe men should have just aren't necessary anymore. The strength that was needed during hunting season is now replaced with workplace communication skills. The aggressive behavior that was lauded when a family needed protecting has been replaced by a security system and a nine to five.
These changes are a good thing. They show the improvement and increased sophistication of the human race, but they leave our country with an overabundance of aggression and competitiveness.
This has led them to act out.
It's an identity crisis on a large and painful scale, and I don't just mean shootings. Sexual harassment, domestic abuse, rape and other crimes committed predominantly by men are all in part caused by their confusion and frustration.
Most men won't be violent, but some will.
And this is the problem. We will always have violence, but no one will be willing to solve it. That's because the vast majority of men will be defensive, using the argument that not all of them are violent. That's not how progress is made; that's how problems persist.
So what can we do?
Women, we are getting our revolution, and while we still have a long way to go, I think it's time to start one for men. We need to stop the mixed messages and start with something simpler: You're a person. You can cry. You can admit you're confused about who you are and who you want to be. It's okay to be tough, and it's okay to be vulnerable.
We need to raise our children to love and respect, regardless of their gender. We need to accept them for who they are and not demean them for not being who we want them to be.
I don't know if this will solve anything related to mass shootings, but I've closely observed this problem for long enough. It needs to stop.