When I was about 7 years old, I knew that there was something inside me, that didn't feel right. For completely normal things, I would feel a paralyzing, all-consuming fear. I know when you're a little kid, it's easy to feel as though you are scared of everything, but as a child, I was terrified of anything that was related to my body or the human body in general. Skeletons, doctor's offices, cuts, blood, needles, and even dismembered body parts made my stomach churn, even if they weren't gory. I first passed out in class when learning about what the sun does to your skin and your body.

Me at age 7

As I got older, I felt this prickly feeling in my body for more than just the doctor's office, I started to feel overwhelmed by the idea of slumber parties, traveling, speaking in public, being alone, but most predominantly with lots of people around. By middle school, I began to feel as though something was suffocating me like a giant hand was closed around my body that I couldn't escape. I never felt comfortable in my own skin.

I wanted to rip myself free of the giant hand that had trapped me in its grasp, but fear kept me from trying to make any mental changes. This was made worse by the mean girls in the locker room in middle school. Locker rooms still give me pangs of anxiety to this day, it's as if the mean whispers traveled through the air and stabbed every part of my body. It became more than just bullying, it was if I amplified the voices to bully myself, and I couldn't stop.

Me at age 13, when my anxiety was at its worst.

These fears traveled with me to high school. In high school, the world is bigger and closer all at the same time. For a young teenage girl with anxiety, moving to a new school district made the giant hang close even tighter around my body.

"What if I said the wrong things?"

The hand seemed to smother me, yet leave me exposed at the same time. I'm not quite sure what my fixation was on hands either, I found myself digging my fingers into my palms, and then releasing them as far as I could to ignore the crawling feeling in my skin, the rapid beating of my heart, and the thick feeling in my neck.

Me my freshman year, around the time when I passed out in Driver's Education.henrygphoto.com

New fears emerged as I got older, leaving the locker room and following me to the cafeteria and the car. Driving became a source of fear, and intimacy became my worst nightmare. My first boyfriend gave me fears that I had never felt before, and opened my anxiety for ridicule.

"What if he noticed what a mess I am? What if he leaves me? When will this end?"

Public panic attacks ensued in the classroom.

But then, it was if my head had cleared some, and the giant hand loosened its grip just enough for me to see what and where I was going wrong. I got rid of some of the people that contributed to my anxiety, made changes to my health, and have surrounded myself with more positive influences. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't feel myself being held back by the giant hand holding me captive, but sometimes my anxiety is kind enough to give me breaks.

Some amazing friends I've made who inspire me to keep going.henrygphoto.com

I've learned to accept Anxiety's presence, but I've also learned to fight it. I'm not always successful but I continue to learn how to live my life alongside it. Anxiety is different for everyone, and can present itself in so many situations. The idea of anxiety, or feeling as though something is wrong with you is terrifying. But if this same hand is keeping you captive, I encourage you to search for resources, and surround yourself with people to help you escape in a healthy way. Just because the world appears to cave down on you, it doesn't mean it really is, and finding joy or love in this world is important in making steps forward.