What? How is that possible? Extroverts are outgoing and people with social anxiety don’t like to go out. Well, you are wrong! It is possible to be both. I am here to tell you what it’s like to be a raging extrovert with severe social anxiety.

First, I’m going to define the terms. Extrovert, as defined by Marian Webster Dictionary, is “an outgoing, overtly expressive person.” Social Anxiety is defined by WebMD, as “an anxiety disorder in which a person has an excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations.”

Now that we have that sorted out, let’s get started. I thrive on the contact I have with people, I have a need to be around people at most points of the day. If I am alone, I have a large sense of loneliness that won’t go away until I am talking to someone. I enjoy being in the presence of people.

I get very anxious around strangers, I am not good at opening up. I get self-conscious in social settings, this is a huge part of my social anxiety. I have an irrational fear, stemming from the self-consciousness, that the people I am talking to will get bored with me, or irritated with me. I fear that I talk too loudly or quietly, or that my voice is too high pitched. I fear that they will not be interested in anything I have to say.

I know that this may sound silly, but it is a very real fear to me. It is made an even larger fear because I desire to be around people. I fear that I will drive people away and I won’t have anyone to be around.

So naturally I need a coping mechanism. Luckily, those closest to me are aware of this about me so they know I need some occasional reassurance. For those people who I am not as close to, I am more of a background character. I say few things and mostly just listen. I pretend to be invisible for the most part. It doesn’t make the anxiety go away, in fact, it makes me feel unimportant every now and then, but I am still able to be around people.

With those I love, I am able to be myself. But if I don’t know you that well, you probably haven’t seen the real me, at least not entirely. Whether that’s a good thing or not is up to you to decide.