Growing up in the Catholic school system, I've often been told what to believe, how to act, what to say, and when to say it. There were certain "rules" that had been drilled into my brain ever since my very first theology class at age seven, and as I got older, those "rules" had progressively gone deeper. For example, every Catholic elementary school girl knows that kissing boys before you're in a relationship is a definite no-no. In high school, they finally begin to teach you how sex before marriage is a serious sin, contraception is practically illegal, and abortion will land you in the fire-y pits of hell.

Many kids are only exposed to what the Church wants them to see and being so young and impressionable, they soak it right up. I really don't want to compare it to brainwashing, but in some theology classes, it sure did feel like it.

If we wanted to challenge the Catholic doctrine, we were shut down.

If we had questions regarding suspicious history within the Church, we were told: "that's what was acceptable at the time."

If we argued certain concepts the teacher was unsure of, we were asked to send an email, but never received any response.

What they failed to understand was the teenage brain altogether. Repeatedly telling kids not to do something will make them want to do it even more. They love rebellion. They love to prove adults wrong, and to do so, they must test it out themselves. Following graduation, many young girls at my Catholic high school had gotten pregnant unexpectedly - sometimes, they were still in school when it happened. On the weekends, students would interact with illegal substances and drink copious amounts of alcohol because it made them feel powerful or cool. Additionally, my friends who identified as gay or lesbian felt extremely unwelcome and often experienced depression because of the intense ridicule of the private school environment.

In today's day and age, it's difficult to be actively religious. You either believe in the teachings entirely or not at all. Everything seems to contradict with what the media is saying, and it's impossible to decipher what's moral or immoral. According to a study performed by PEW, "79% of former Catholics leave the Church before age 23." Not only is this statistic fairly shocking, it says a lot about what occurs between the ages of 18-23. After graduating from Catholic high school, teenagers finally feel as though they have a voice, a personality, and a brain to make their own decisions. They're no longer under the reign of strict parents and rigid teachers, and this new sensation often causes them to make rash decisions regarding their religion.

I'll admit, I am currently struggling with my faith.

Believing in a God who allows for natural disasters to destroy entire towns, who do not accept LGBTQ+ human beings, and who let's horrible acts within the Church to happen is tough. I want to believe that there's someone good up above who has my back, but sometimes, I've never felt more alone. As I walk along in my faith journey, it's both comforting and discomforting to know I'm not the only one. It feels reassuring to hear that others are, too, struggling to believe, still, it's unsettling when I realize how many of us are in the same boat. Still, we carry on.