I am so grateful for my time at Corban. In my time at my beloved school, God has showed me a little bit about who He has created me to be. I have learned that God has a plan for my life, and even though I don't know what that plan consists of, it is undeniably good.
I came into this semester knowing that it would be a season of intense growth in many aspects. As I prayed and meditated about the upcoming season of my life before coming up to school, I felt God reveal to me that I would come out of the semester a very different person.
Yet it still caught me by surprise when the challenges of life started hitting me. They hit me hard and all at once. I have never in my life been so busy. I forget to eat. I am constantly tired. I am constantly tense. My mind never stops working.
I am grateful for the many new opportunities that have been presented to me this semester to do things that I love- things that I wouldn't trade if given the choice. But it seems as if I have no time for myself anymore. The insanity of my life has made me question God's plan for this semester. "How can you be working in my life in all of these amazing ways if I am struggling to find time to read my Bible or go to small group?"
As I was driving back to campus one night, I felt so exhausted. I remember talking to God, telling Him, "I don't know if I can handle all of this. I'm not strong enough. I am worn out." I felt His presence, and I heard His voice. He told me, "This is your life. This is where I want you. I am working in ways you don't even see. Your life will always be busy, but I will be your strength and your rest. Trust that I am God and I am enough."
That's when I realized that my busyness isn't pointless. My busyness is a source of constant growth. God can use anything, even my hectic schedule to teach me things and be a light to others. It is not for me to decide that where He has placed me is not the place I need to be.
I sometimes get so caught up in feeling sorry for myself for having no free time that I don't see how God is working. I feel so stressed out about taking an hour out of my day to help someone with something while I have a million other things to do, that I don't realize the weight a simple act of kindness holds. While I cross another thing off my to do list, I fail to see how that small act made someone else feel valued and loved.
Busyness provides a unique type of growth. It is easy to put relationships on the back burner when you have a never ending list of chores, events, and assignments silently haunting you. This busy season has provided me with understanding about the importance of being intentional about maintaining these relationships in the midst of chaos. In many ways, it has taught me to truly appreciate those around me, who love me and forgive me despite my shortcomings and failures to prioritize them.
From busyness also arises a specific type of spiritual growth. One of the relationships I'm afraid I all too often neglect is my relationship with God. In the stress and anxieties that overwhelm me comes a whole new level of reliance upon Him. I rely on Him for things I take for granted in the not so busy seasons. I rely on Him when I feel overwhelmed and drained. I lean on Him every minute of every day, because I know I can't sustain myself. This is something I should do even in the calmer days, but often forget to.
If I lean on God during these trying yet doubtlessly important seasons, He will provide me with what I need. He will remind me to eat. He will provide me with rest. He will give me His peace. He will take care of these things as long as I am faithfully with what He puts in front of me.