No one ever thinks it will happen to him or her or someone they know. Anytime someone hears the words abusive relationship, they get knots in their stomach and they start to sweat. Nowadays, abusive relationships aren’t just bruises or screaming. They can be entirely silent. And both men and women can be in abusive relationships, just like men and women can be raped, assaulted, harassed, and suicidal. Men are often overlooked in situations like this; shouldn’t a man be able to overpower a woman? It is often when a man finally decides to stand up for himself that he is called the abusive one. But it doesn’t just mean putting a hand on another person.

Being in an abusive relationship may even be silent. Many people experience abuse in ways like verbal abuse, emotional abuse, or sexual abuse. For me, it was sexual and verbal. My boyfriend would often call me names or say things that he knew offended me and made me uncomfortable. He would try to use my insecurities against me to get what he wanted; sex. He used his power and manipulation to coerce me into doing things that I really didn’t want to do at the time, but I believed if I didn’t he wouldn’t like me anymore or he would dump me and tell all of his friends what a “loser” I was. Looking back on the situation, I was dumb and I could have done more to prevent this from happening or stopped it sooner. I’m glad it ended when it did. The thing I couldn’t understand was, he failed to see how it was abusive behavior, and thousands of women go through similar situations.

When a man or woman tries to use their power over you to manipulate you, frighten you, coerce you, or just make you do something you don’t want to do, that is abuse, and could quickly escalate to sexual assault. Anytime another person tries to manipulate you by putting you down or making you feel like you are the one at fault, they are abusive. Lying, cheating and using your own insecurities or sex to manipulate you is also abuse.

If anyone is ever abusive towards you, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is always 100% their fault for their own actions and behaviors. There is nothing that you can do to change this kind of behavior. The best thing for you to do in these situations is just to leave and separate yourself from the situation. Talk to a friend or a family member about it. The best thing you can do for yourself in these situations is leave, and I know it’s hard. Many women and men are afraid to leave their abusers because they feel embarrassed or don’t want people to know about it. Many people are afraid of what others will think or say or if they will be believed. Some women or men may even be afraid of a physical attack from their abusers.

Verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse is never to be tolerated. You are a princess that deserves an entire kingdom, and nothing less than that. Anyone that does not truly see your beauty and appreciate your love and friendship is not worth a second more of your time. If there are relationships that you feel are hurtful, not beneficial, or more toxic than they are good, I urge you to remove those people from your life. Once you do, you will see yourself flourish, and you will become such a stronger person because of this experience. There are many people out there willing to listen to you and help you in a dangerous situation. Always remember to be kind to yourself first.