I would say that there are two types of people in this world--either you're a people pleaser, or you're not. This doesn't mean that if you're not a people pleaser that you don't care about other people or that you don't get your feelings hurt. Being a people pleaser just means that sometimes you sacrifice your own happiness in order to prioritize someone else's.

My people pleasing tendencies is a trait that I got from my mom. I often see this side of her come out, whether in her work life, interactions with friends, and as a mom. Sorry, mom I'm going to expose you for a second and I hope that's okay. My mom is one of the most outgoing, positive, and warmest people I know, but I also know that she is so hard on herself. The amount of times that she says she has no friends is absurd, and for those of you who know her would think she's insane for saying that, considering she is the most friendly and talkative person that I know. Even when I told by basically everyone in the world how amazing my mom is and she should know it too, she doesn't. And while it's easy for an outsider like me to say that, I know that many people in the world think exactly like my mom does, including me.

I think the bottom line is that people just want to be accepted. We want everyone to like us, so we will pretty much. And I'm going to make a controversial statement here, but I don't really think that wanting people to like you or caring about what people think is a bad thing. It's human nature to crave a sense of belonging. But, once you let what other people say dictate your decisions or your own self-worth is when it becomes maladaptive.

I would say I'm less of a people pleaser in the sense that I make decisions for other people rather than myself, because I don't think that's the case. In fact, I would say that I'm very confident in my own being and don't let other people's judgments derail me from following my heart (case in point writing yet again an extremely personal and vulnerable article). Rather, my biggest issue is that I try so hard to seek everyone's approval that my own self gets lost. Even though I make choices that I know are the right ones for me and everyone involved, the lack of validation that I feel in these roles makes me feel like I'm not doing my best.

It's no secret that I am VERY hard on myself and have a hard time forgiving myself when I make a mistake. However, this side of me gets significantly worse when my mistakes have the potential to hurt or affect other people in some way. As a result, I work too hard to try to fix the situation and do right by everyone involved that it can potentially make things worse. And that my friends, is the problem. It's not that I care about how my actions affect others, it's about how I let it control my life in a way that is making me completely torn inside.

Other tell tale signs that I'm a people pleaser and too concerned about other people is that I: avoid conflict at all costs even when I know that I should absolutely be saying something, feel the constant need to explain the reasoning behind all of my decisions and apologize for everything that I might be doing wrong even if in my heart I know that I did the right thing. At first glance, this may just seem like I'm a nice girl and just want to make everyone around me happy, which is the truth and partially a good thing. But again, I am continuously feeling a complex between doing what's best for me and being worried about what is going to happen next, which is not a good thing.

These were issues that I experienced in the last year more than I ever have in my entire life, and it's honestly hurting my heart in ways that I never thought were imaginable. I am STILL scrutinizing over things that happened over six months ago or even years ago at this point, still wondering if I could have done something differently or how I can be better next time. And I am finally beginning to realize that this is not okay and this is quite frankly not normal. This is a sign that things are getting out of control and I need to finally do something about it.

**Disclaimer: I just want to say that I started writing this article a few months ago right after "The Bachelor" was over. So while this little tidbit isn't really relevant anymore, I still feel like it has a good message so I wanted to leave it in.**

For those of you who are Bachelor fans, you probably rolled your eyes a lot at Peter this past season. I did too, don't worry. To be honest, this past season was really painful, but that's besides the point. However, I recently watched Peter's interview on Nick Viall's podcast, The Viall Files, which was the first time he's really spoken out about the season since "After the Final Rose." After watching this, I suddenly got a new perspective while also gaining a lot of appreciation for him. Yes, he made a shit ton of mistakes and did not do right by many of the women this season. But he's also owned up to them. He even admitted it on the podcast that he's a "people pleaser," and had a hard time trying to be upfront with the women in hopes of not hurting their feelings. Yet, he probably ended up hurting them more by not being honest with them (and himself) about how he was feeling.

Another thing that Peter said on the podcast is that he wished that he had a little bit more "Barb" in him, which is Peter's mother and was one of the more controversial aspect of this past season. At first, I had no reason other than to hate him for this comment because well, Barb sucks. But once he explained what he meant, I think I understood. He admitted that while the delivery could have been different, Barb was willing to put herself out there and did what she thought was right only in the best interest of her son, even if that meant getting completely torn apart by the public. You may not like Barb or agree with what she did, but you have to admit that she is not afraid to speak her mind and stand up for the people she loves.

Sometimes, I wish I could be more like that...just a little more confident in who I am and what I stand for. I wish I wasn't so worried about every outcome of every decision I make and how they could potentially hurt people. Every time I am forced to make a tough decision, I immediately feel like I've let at least one person down, which is an awful feeling if you're anything like me. I wish that I could just make a decision like the simple task of deciding what to have for dinner without feeling like a made the wrong choice. But while the guilt that I feel about choosing to eat pizza over pasta for dinner goes away quickly, the ones where I am concerned about what my friends or peers think of me or the worries about the consequences of my own actions don't.

Usually at some point in an article I write I have some sort of epiphany or a new perspective that I have, followed by a sweeping declaration or pledge to change. I want to tell you all that I am going to work on this and I'm going to get better at it, because I do. But to be honest, I am lost. These are habits that have been ingrained in me for nearly twenty years, and have only really gotten worse as I've gotten older. So unfortunately it's going to take a lot of years and trial and error to undo. I don't exactly know what steps I'm going to take to make this better, but when I do, I'm sure I will keep you all updated. That is the beauty of this journey we call life. We never stop learning, growing, and improving ourselves. I'm not going to be perfect, and I hope you don't expect me to be either. Being a people pleaser definitely has its ups and downs, but my hope is that one day it will no longer hang over my life the way that it has for so long, and that is all can strive for.