Being A Lesbian Sucks

Being A Lesbian Sucks

To women who say they wish they were a lesbian; you don't.

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My girlfriend is not a man, obviously so because she is my girlfriend, emphasis on girl. Society has been conditioned with men holding the power. In a world dominated by men being a lesbian has more problems than just homophobia.

There is an automatic assumption that because we are not with a man we are single. Without the dominating presence of a man other men feel safe to come on to women in lesbian relationships, whether they know we are together or not. We aren't always in a safe situation to say we are together so if he doesn't pick up on the social cues it only gives us two options: politely laugh and attempt to remove ourselves from the situation or say we aren't interested. Both options are equal in undesirability and saying we are uninterested can lead to them just pushing harder. The boyfriend card usually works, but lying about our relationship makes us feel terrible.

The fetishizing of lesbian couples and threesomes are a problem because of media and porn. They hyper-sexualize lesbian relationships until they are nothing but sex. From this the winning question, "Do you want to have a threesome?" With the assumption both or one woman in the relationship is a lesbian and not bisexual, pansexual, or etc. A threesome with a man is completely out of the question. The thing about lesbians is that we like women not men, a threesome with a man goes against our identity as a lesbian and makes no sense. And even if both women are bisexual a normal man wouldn't walk up to a straight couple and pop the question of a threesome. So don't do it to us.

We also find ourselves being disrespected as a customer in a professional setting. Men in job positions belittle women who are at the mechanic, the lawyer, the doctors offices, and the bank, for just a few examples. They assume we don't know anything and are ignorant, so they treat us with no respect. They attempt to manipulate us for this and that to achieve their own personal gain. Without a man lesbian couples are even more subject to this because we don't get any respect. A man will be immediately respected and in a healthy relationship he can establish a power balance with his woman partner to the person in charge. Lesbians, (and other single women) don't have these short cuts. We have to establish ourselves then and there for having worth and show we deserve to be treated like full grown adults. Hopefully we also have the knowledge to not suffer from manipulation.

The difference in skill sets is something that can be a problem for everyone in this sexist society. We associate pink with girls and boys with blue. Girls with cooking and guys with tools. Most of us were taught different things and learned different skill sets. Most women I know, including me, don't know how to change a tire. How many young men go off to college having never done laundry in their life? With lesbians we usually don't know an important skill that was specifically taught to men. We might not know cars, or tools, or how to tile a floor. We are set back in our development as fully functional people in a unit. We lack key skill sets that were predetermined for men, unlike straight couples where there is usually a balance of skill sets.

The problems that arise from lesbian relationships are problems associated with a male dominating society and the gender division we face along with it. To abolish these we have to achieve equality and work on teaching the generations to follow that women are just as good as men. It's tough being a woman and a lesbian even harder.

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This Is How Your Same-Sex Marriage Affects Me As A Catholic Woman

I hear you over there, Bible Bob.
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It won't.

Wait, what?

I promise you did read that right. Not what you were expecting me to say, right? Who another person decides to marry will never in any way affect my own marriage whatsoever. Unless they try to marry the person that I want to, then we might have a few problems.

As a kid, I was raised, baptized, and confirmed into an old school Irish Catholic church in the middle of a small, midwestern town.

Not exactly a place that most people would consider to be very liberal or open-minded. Despite this I was taught to love and accept others as a child, to not cast judgment because the only person fit to judge was God. I learned this from my Grandpa, a man whose love of others was only rivaled by his love of sweets and spoiling his grandkids.

While I learned this at an early age, not everyone else in my hometown — or even within my own church — seemed to get the memo. When same-sex marriage was finally legalized country-wide, I cried tears of joy for some of my closest friends who happen to be members of the LGBTQ community.

I was happy while others I knew were disgusted and even enraged.

"That's not what it says in the bible! Marriage is between a man and a woman!"

"God made Adam and Eve for a reason! Man shall not lie with another man as he would a woman!"

"Homosexuality is a sin! It's bad enough that they're all going to hell, now we're letting them marry?"

Alright, Bible Bob, we get it, you don't agree with same-sex relationships. Honestly, that's not the issue. One of our civil liberties as United States citizens is the freedom of religion. If you believe your religion doesn't support homosexuality that's OK.

What isn't OK is thinking that your religious beliefs should dictate others lives.

What isn't OK is using your religion or your beliefs to take away rights from those who chose to live their life differently than you.

Some members of my church are still convinced that their marriage now means less because people are free to marry whoever they want to. Honestly, I wish I was kidding. Tell me again, Brenda how exactly do Steve and Jason's marriage affect yours and Tom's?

It doesn't. Really, it doesn't affect you at all.

Unless Tom suddenly starts having an affair with Steve their marriage has zero effect on you. You never know Brenda, you and Jason might become best friends by the end of the divorce. (And in that case, Brenda and Tom both need to go to church considering the bible also teaches against adultery and divorce.)

I'll say it one more time for the people in the back: same-sex marriage does not affect you even if you or your religion does not support it. If you don't agree with same-sex marriage then do not marry someone of the same sex. Really, it's a simple concept.

It amazes me that I still actually have to discuss this with some people in 2017. And it amazes me that people use God as a reason to hinder the lives of others.

As a proud young Catholic woman, I wholeheartedly support the LGBTQ community with my entire being.

My God taught me to not hold hate so close to my heart. He told me not to judge and to accept others with open arms. My God taught me to love and I hope yours teaches you the same.

Disclaimer - This article in no way is meant to be an insult to the Bible or religion or the LGBTQ community.

Cover Image Credit: Sushiesque / Flickr

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Your Chick's Guide To Picking Up Chicks

And I'm not talkin' about Gal Pals....

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After the glitter coated glow of Pride month and the seas of nail-biting from my coming out, I have officially hit my first bisexual dilemma.
My first real oppression.
How in the world do I flirt with girls? No, honestly. Our Lord and Savior, KingPrincess, help me! How am I to tell which of the many nice girls with their nice eyes, and their other nice Everythings, want me as a Comrade or as a Canoodler? As a Gal-Pal or Good Time? As a Friend or a Faditzer? (Hi my name's Lauren, age 19, and my strengths are making up synonyms for frick-frackin'. you get the gist.)
See, I've always had the luxury of some lanky boy to stutter his way into asking me out to rely on, but now here I am. I'm not lanky. I'm no boy. But here I am st-st-stuck in my endeavors to find a girl who'll actualize those butterflies hidden in my stomach all these years.

Thus, I have compiled this *helpful* and *realistic* and in no way *farcical* guide to help not just me but You Other Lesbian or Pan gal into finding yourself your new lezbo lovah! (Sorry! I just had to! "Lezbo lovah" just looked too silly to not write.)

LET THE BATH AND BODY WORKS SCENTED SEDUCTION COMMENCE!

1. Be a person that identifies as female. Makes things a lot easier to weed out the lesbos when you yourself have the lesbo gene which we all know is the 2nd X chromosome.

2. Get a Tinder, and proceed to swipe right on all the girl-crushes you've stifled acting upon up to your coming out.

WARNING: By putting your applicational heart on your sleeve, you will encounter incredibly uncomfy eye contact with about all of the girls you swiped right on. These incredibly stunning Level 10 Lezzies know your kind, and will thus, not engage in right-swiping. Your eyes will meet. Only your breath will hitch. And then she'll pretend she's getting a call because she does not want to look at you or your dirty sneakers anymore.

Or just set it to a 50-mile radius.

3. During Pride month, keep a list of what Type of Gay they come out as Pan? Gay? Bi? Lesbian? Lipstick-Lesbian? College Lesbian Who's Gonna Marry That Kappa Slappa Nu Guy? or Butch?

4. Date your gay friend's Ex. And then when things don't work out (Like one of y'all won't agree to the threesome... lookin' at You STACY...), then date your now Ex's Ex. Once the initial infiltration has commenced, you can now sleep your way through the entirety of the Lez League of Evil Exes.

At least until there's a repeat... lookin' at you Again STACY...

5. Be the Secretary of your local LGBTQIA club, because we all know, the President is just there for resume-building stuff and the Vice President's always just an Ally. Secretary's where it's at. You get to handle paperwork such as the club's member roster complete with the phone number's of all your Only-a-Walk-Away-Lady-Lovers.

6. Seek out the girls with dyed hair. WARNING: Be on-guard for Art-Hoes. If she collects comic strips from the New Yorker- that is NOt a Lesbian! Repeat! Not a Lesbian! However, if she has teal hair And wants to Occupy Wallstreet, then she probably wants to occupy the space between your legs too.

7. See who's still asleep 10 AM on a Sunday. Because we all know the Gays™ aren't welcomed to the Church™.

8. Is she wearing a Canadian Tuxedo- AKA denim on denim? You found yourself a Proven Lesbian, now go get her champ.

9. Be So Hot you make the straight girls question themselves. Live out that long-awaited Lesbian dream of converting that mythic Manic Pixie Straight Girl.

10. Flock to the pixie cuts or get a pixie cut. Because we all know a pixie cut makes you look more like a boy, and Lesbians secretly still just wants boys. RIGHT??? RIGHTTT!!! ALL OF THIS IS JUST PENIS ENVY ISN'T IT FREUD!? Or get one to go as Tinker Bell for Halloween- lesbians eat that shit up. (Side Note: Tinker Bell was definitely Lez. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.)

11. Blast Haley Kiyoko wherever you go. The Queer Queen's siren song floats all Within-Earshot-Women your way like in the cartoons when they wolf smells a distant pie resting on the window sill. After playing "Curious", that pie won't be the only thing that's getting eaten tonight.

12. Take the only Women Studies or Feminist course offered on campus.

13. Teach the only Women Studies or Feminist course offered on campus.

14. Be the first in line when your local theatre shows "Wonder Woman 1984", but Don't Dress Up. You wanna attract Fuck-Buddies, not Fan Girls. Additionally, spit on every man in line because of THIS MOVIE ISN'T FOR THEM. THEY GET EVERY OTHER MOVIE. WHY CAN'T THEY LEAVE ONE MOVIE JUST FOR LESBIANS. THEY CAN'T EXPECT US TO WATCH JODIE FOSTER FLICKS FOR THE REST OF OUR LIFE???

15. Stand next to the only copy of the Vagina Monologues in your local library. And just wait. And wait. And one day, it will happen. Know that wait will all have been worth it. One day, she will come to you, and you will feel the sweet resolution to your odyssey. One day, the Eve Ensler will come to your local library and try and get you to show her your vagina. The prophecy says this will be the Second Cumming.

16. When you visit friends' dorms, look to see if they left their Gay Card lying around.

17.Or their 12 seasons of Ellen on DVD.

18. Or their Ellen cosplay. (Complete with Ellen's pixie cut wig, or else they aren't a Lesbian.)

19. Seek out the girl who got in a political Facebook rant. If she's that passionate about Women's Issues, she's gotta be that passionate about Women's Bodies too? Right?

20. Does she wear combat boots? Lesbian.

21. Or a patterned button-up à la Tan France from Queer Eye? Lesbian.

22. Or a full Ellen DeGeneres cosplay complete with blonde pixie cut wig? You know the drill.

22. If "Blue Is the Warmest Color" recently watched in her Netflix queue then you know what to do... ;) Tell her you don't love her anymore in French like Léa and then go cry and keep your mouth slightly ajar all the time like Adèle.

23. Turn your Baseball Hat backward on your head. It will activate a Fairy GodMother-esque spell changing your earrings into gauges, your dirty sneakers into Vans, your Taylor Swift playlist into only GirlPool and Snail Mail, and in your hand- there's now a penny board. But act quick, for the spell breaks at midnight when the Skate Park closes!

24. Or for a different Lez aesthetic, sit at your local coffee shop wearing a black turtleneck. Order one mint tea. Wait. They will come. Be prepared.

25. And finally, don't wear a bra. You won't need to find them, they'll find you.

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