Don't let your relationship wish-list cloud your judgment

Don't let your relationship wish-list cloud your judgment

Don't let the superficial wishes stop you from understanding what you need in a relationship.

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For a long time, I didn't understand what I needed in a relationship. Most of the reason why I didn't know what I needed in a relationship was because I didn't understand who I was. I am a beloved daughter of God. I am strong and weak, humble and proud, witty and dumb… I am a paradox, basically (insert the laughing and crying emoji faces here). I love forgiveness and I like sports documentaries even though I rarely play sports. I am so much more, but that's just a little about me so you understand I'm a real person.

The problem with my creation of a "future boyfriend wish list" was that this wish list was based on superficial things. Don't base your relationship on superficial things like hair color, your love of a certain t.v. show… stuff like that. Base a relationship on stuff that matters.

A wish list is full of specific traits, items, or hobbies you want in someone that, when it comes down to it, don't impact a relationship significantly. These wish list items don't add or detract from a relationship in a significant way because they are not that important to begin with.

The following are examples of preferred items some people have on their boyfriend/girlfriend wish lists:

~Must be taller than me

~Must be older than me

~Must have blue eyes so our children will also have blue eyes

~Must have a 3.5 or above GPA

~Must care about Italian poetry because I adore it

You might believe that some of these things are very important. Some of these things are important, but only within reason. For example, the GPA thing (for all of us students out there) helps show if someone is a hard worker. But we must remember grades do not show the full extent (or lack of) someone's work ethic. On the other hand, wanting someone with a certain body type, skin color, or age is absolutely ridiculous.

Please don't build your relationship on stuff that might change or something based on physical traits no one can control. Build a relationship that is rooted on things that actually matter, like your similarities on faith, approaches to life, desires for the future, etc.

If you haven't given these important things thought, then you need to figure it out. This isn't the advice you might want to hear, but it is the advice you need.

This is advice for people who are still single and tearing their hairs out wondering "WHY, God, WHY?!" Figure out what matters to you first so you can find a really great person who either cares about the same stuff OR is so amazing and open minded, that this person supports and respects your beliefs.

For my friends who are already in relationships – it is never too late to reflect on yourself and figure out what you need versus what you wish for. Reflection is good for a growing soul.

Some good traits to look for (and have yourself) are below:

~someone who apologizes without prompting ...and means it

~someone who forgives and doesn't hold grudges

~someone who is passionate about something (fly fishing, studying the saints, etc.)

~someone who approaches life with an open (yet critical) mind

~someone who is intentional with their relationships (romantic or not)

I could go on, but these are some great things to look for in someone you're interested in. You can also look at my previous article about what to think about before (and even during) a relationship.

Let's recap.

Base your relationship off of your needs instead of your wish list.

You won't regret it.

P.S.

My friend Morgan Partlow's article is about finding your foundation (those things that are really important) and the other things that complement your foundation. It's a great read, I hope you check it out.

Cover Image Credit:

Hutomo Abrianto at unsplash.com

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To The Boy Who Made Me Love Again

Thank you for loving me and showing me how to love myself.

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To the boy who made me love again:

From the very beginning of our relationship, you showed me you were different. You showed me how I should be treated.

After dating someone for three years, falling in love was the last thing I wanted to do again. I did not want to grow close to anyone and fall in love with every little aspect of someone, but with you, it was so much different. You were different from other guys I had talked to. You have done small things for me that make me so happy. From offering to order me pizzas while I'm working to ordering me a key chain that says "drive safe," it's the little things you've done to make me love you.

During my previous relationship, I had come to a custom of pulling out my card to pay for dates and thought it was okay to accept the fact that good morning text did not exist. Every morning since we started dating, you never forget to text me good morning. We almost fight over who is going to pay, because I can't expect you to pay for every date. You have shown me what to expect in a relationship.

You never fail to make me happy. Whenever I say I'm hungry, you get me Mexican. When I want to watch Netflix, you immediately put on The Office. I can mention one thing I want and you buy it because you know it will make me happy. You give me forehead kisses and it puts a smile on my face. Whenever I am upset, you won't get off the phone until you figure out what is wrong and make sure everything is okay.

You make me feel beautiful. I can come over in leggings and socks and Birkenstocks or I can come over in a nice shirt and booties, but either way, you tell me I'm beautiful. Whenever I just wake up and look a hot mess, you look me in my eyes and tell me I'm beautiful.

You always tell me to be careful whenever I'm driving and you make sure to tell me you love me every night before you go to bed. You remind me of things I know I'll forget and you literally read my mind. You motivate me with my schooling and tell me how proud you are of me when I make a good grade.

I never wanted to date again and I especially did not want to fall in love; however, you are everything I dreamed of wanting. I am so blessed to have met you and fallen in love with you. So to the boy who made me want to love again, I love you and thank you for everything.

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36 Hobbies To Take Up If You Want To Be The Next Best 20-Something Grandma

Pursuing something with needle and thread is a good start

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Need a new hobby? Want to emulate a grandmother? Here are some great ideas for fun things to do in your spare time to get you ready to be the best grandma in 40-50 years!

1. Knitting

2. Baking

This hobby will also come with many friends wanting to try your creations.

3. Crocheting

4. Sudoku 

You gotta keep the mind healthy.

5. Crosswords

6. Cooking

7. Thrifting

Goodwill is your go-to for fabulous finds that won't break the bank.

8. Join a book club

Whether or not you actually read the book, either way it's a good way to socialize.

9. Yard Sale-ing

Don't tell me you didn't go yard sale-ing with your grandma at least once in your childhood.

10. Napping

11. Brunching

Food and friends (and a mimosa)... what's not to love about this hobby?

12. Spades

13. Hearts

14. Gardening

Figure out if you have a green thumb earlier rather than later.

15. Sewing

Being able to fix (or even make) your own clothes seems like both a creative outlet and a practical skill.

16. Antiquing

17. Cross-Stitching

Make some wall decorations for your room!

18. Power-walking

Why normal walk when you could speed walk?

19. Reading at 64-font on your Kindle

20. Read the newspaper

There's just something peaceful and nostalgic about reading a physical newspaper...

21. Collecting

Coins, dolls, you name it.... someone probably collects it.

22. Quilting

23. Rummy

24. Giving wise advice to those younger than you

25. Get a magazine subscription

26. Write hand-written letters to friends

It's fun and there is something so meaningful about taking the time to write it out and mail it.

27. Bridge

28. Curate a bomb matching pajama collection

29. Scrapbooking

Take your memories and add a creative touch... you won't regret it.

30. Tai Chi

I'm not a regular grandma, I'm a cool grandma...

31. Flower-arranging

32. Photography

Capture the moments of the loved ones around you!

33. Plan girls' trips with friends

34. Volunteer

Find time to give back to causes that you are passionate about!

35. Watch game shows

36. Watch soap operas

All the plot points and characters may be cringy, but they are so addicting!

Consider some of these hobbies if you find yourself looking for something to fill your time. When grandma-hood comes around, you'll be ready for it. And if you already do a lot of these things, well then we might as well go ahead and affectionately call you a 20-something grandma!

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