For a long time, I didn't understand what I needed in a relationship. Most of the reason why I didn't know what I needed in a relationship was because I didn't understand who I was. I am a beloved daughter of God. I am strong and weak, humble and proud, witty and dumb… I am a paradox, basically (insert the laughing and crying emoji faces here). I love forgiveness and I like sports documentaries even though I rarely play sports. I am so much more, but that's just a little about me so you understand I'm a real person.
The problem with my creation of a "future boyfriend wish list" was that this wish list was based on superficial things. Don't base your relationship on superficial things like hair color, your love of a certain t.v. show… stuff like that. Base a relationship on stuff that matters.
A wish list is full of specific traits, items, or hobbies you want in someone that, when it comes down to it, don't impact a relationship significantly. These wish list items don't add or detract from a relationship in a significant way because they are not that important to begin with.
The following are examples of preferred items some people have on their boyfriend/girlfriend wish lists:
~Must be taller than me
~Must be older than me
~Must have blue eyes so our children will also have blue eyes
~Must have a 3.5 or above GPA
~Must care about Italian poetry because I adore it
You might believe that some of these things are very important. Some of these things are important, but only within reason. For example, the GPA thing (for all of us students out there) helps show if someone is a hard worker. But we must remember grades do not show the full extent (or lack of) someone's work ethic. On the other hand, wanting someone with a certain body type, skin color, or age is absolutely ridiculous.
Please don't build your relationship on stuff that might change or something based on physical traits no one can control. Build a relationship that is rooted on things that actually matter, like your similarities on faith, approaches to life, desires for the future, etc.
If you haven't given these important things thought, then you need to figure it out. This isn't the advice you might want to hear, but it is the advice you need.
This is advice for people who are still single and tearing their hairs out wondering "WHY, God, WHY?!" Figure out what matters to you first so you can find a really great person who either cares about the same stuff OR is so amazing and open minded, that this person supports and respects your beliefs.
For my friends who are already in relationships – it is never too late to reflect on yourself and figure out what you need versus what you wish for. Reflection is good for a growing soul.
Some good traits to look for (and have yourself) are below:
~someone who apologizes without prompting ...and means it
~someone who forgives and doesn't hold grudges
~someone who is passionate about something (fly fishing, studying the saints, etc.)
~someone who approaches life with an open (yet critical) mind
~someone who is intentional with their relationships (romantic or not)
I could go on, but these are some great things to look for in someone you're interested in. You can also look at my previous article about what to think about before (and even during) a relationship.
Base your relationship off of your needs instead of your wish list.
You won't regret it.
My friend Morgan Partlow's article is about finding your foundation (those things that are really important) and the other things that complement your foundation. It's a great read, I hope you check it out.
Hutomo Abrianto at unsplash.com