Before entering into a romantic relationship with someone, it is wise to discern what you even want in a romantic relationship. Is the person who is the reason for all of your blushes a good fit for your needs? Yes, I said needs. It is smart to acknowledge what you want when it comes to dating. Are you actually going to be supported, appreciated, and (dare I say it?) loved authentically by your crush? Figure that out before you let your emotions run the show. Don’t get me wrong; I hope you have feelings for the person. It would be a shame if you were only attracted to him/her physically or intellectually. Liking only one side of someone means you only like one part of a multidimensional person. Isn’t authentic love about seeing the whole person and loving it all? Aren’t you dating to love someone else like that?
What I’m trying to say is feelings are not everything in a relationship. The heart is not always trustworthy, so bring logic into the equation. I have liked so many guys in the past that would have messed my life up if I had gotten into a relationship with them. Take off your blinders and consider these questions before entering into a relationship with someone. These questions apply to anyone, by the way.
How does this person treat his family?
Does this boy treat his mother with respect? How he treats his mother might be how he treats his future wife.
What do his ex-girlfriends think of him?
Have all of his previous relationships ended in emotional divorce? Has he learned from his past mistakes, if he has made any? Do his actions support his words? ... Because actions are more reliable than a silver tongue’s tales.
How does he treat the women he’s not attracted to?
This is so important! Does he treat women he’s not attracted to with respect? Does he lead them on flirtatiously? Does he look at people as “Mrs. Future Girlfriend?”, because that’s a red flag.
Who are his friends?
If you are dating someone, the people they keep company with are 1) who you will soon be keeping company with and 2) his friends influence him a lot. Are they hard working? Petty? Loyal? Rule breakers? Fun? Gossipers? Does he have friends? If not, why?
Does he share or tolerate your morality?
Ladies, if your core beliefs don’t line up, it will not end well. If you want to start a story with someone, you have to start on the same page.
Do you look up to him?
I’m not asking if he is taller than you because that doesn’t matter. Does he have character traits that you find admirable? Is he someone you would want your future kids imitating?
Do you have the same goals and beliefs?
Whether it is about politics, faith, chastity, if you love puppies or not, asking about these important (and semi-silly) questions is important. Your relationship from friend/acquaintance probably won’t progress if you never start on the same page.
Is he trying to become a better version of himself every day?
Is he transparent about his faults, meaning, does he approach you first with his mistakes? Does he apologize unprompted when he screwed up?
Does he help build you into someone better?
Does he distract you, or does he encourage you with kind words and messages when you are struggling with the busiest week ever? Does he want you to ditch your boundaries?
Are you even attracted to him?
I hope I don’t have to explain why this is important.
Does he have relationship goals?
Honestly, dating has two endings. It either ends in a breakup or in marriage. Therefore, do not date someone unless you know what you and your person’s goals are. Do they just want that relationship status on Facebook to change? Do they want to love you like you’re brand new? Some people do. A sweet guy (who wasn’t sweet with his intentions) misled my sorority sister for six months. He only wanted a girlfriend, and she wanted it to move forward. When he realized he didn’t want a girlfriend (a status symbol) anymore, he dumped her.
Look, I know it is hard for you to think about saying goodbye when all you want to do is start something wonderful together with your crush… but would it be wonderful if what you were looking for was already lacking in the person in a BIG way? Wouldn’t that just take away time from you to form a relationship with someone more suited for you?
This article is meant to aim you towards a values-based relationship. This article is supposed to help you realize if we combined the power of our heads and hearts, then we might have better luck discerning our next relationships. Good luck, friend.
Where I received some of this awesome advice:
Jason Evert: How to Save Your Marriage… Before You Meet Your Spouse.
I suggest watching Jason Evert's talk for at least 30 minutes.
Before the Person :: Relationship Goals (Part 1).
I suggest watching Mike's talk for at least ten minutes.