Before The Relationship

Before The Relationship

Questions to Ask Before Dating
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Before entering into a romantic relationship with someone, it is wise to discern what you even want in a romantic relationship. Is the person who is the reason for all of your blushes a good fit for your needs? Yes, I said needs. It is smart to acknowledge what you want when it comes to dating. Are you actually going to be supported, appreciated, and (dare I say it?) loved authentically by your crush? Figure that out before you let your emotions run the show. Don’t get me wrong; I hope you have feelings for the person. It would be a shame if you were only attracted to him/her physically or intellectually. Liking only one side of someone means you only like one part of a multidimensional person. Isn’t authentic love about seeing the whole person and loving it all? Aren’t you dating to love someone else like that?

What I’m trying to say is feelings are not everything in a relationship. The heart is not always trustworthy, so bring logic into the equation. I have liked so many guys in the past that would have messed my life up if I had gotten into a relationship with them. Take off your blinders and consider these questions before entering into a relationship with someone. These questions apply to anyone, by the way.

How does this person treat his family?

Does this boy treat his mother with respect? How he treats his mother might be how he treats his future wife.

What do his ex-girlfriends think of him?

Have all of his previous relationships ended in emotional divorce? Has he learned from his past mistakes, if he has made any? Do his actions support his words? ... Because actions are more reliable than a silver tongue’s tales.

How does he treat the women he’s not attracted to?

This is so important! Does he treat women he’s not attracted to with respect? Does he lead them on flirtatiously? Does he look at people as “Mrs. Future Girlfriend?”, because that’s a red flag.

Who are his friends?

If you are dating someone, the people they keep company with are 1) who you will soon be keeping company with and 2) his friends influence him a lot. Are they hard working? Petty? Loyal? Rule breakers? Fun? Gossipers? Does he have friends? If not, why?

Does he share or tolerate your morality?

Ladies, if your core beliefs don’t line up, it will not end well. If you want to start a story with someone, you have to start on the same page.

Do you look up to him?

I’m not asking if he is taller than you because that doesn’t matter. Does he have character traits that you find admirable? Is he someone you would want your future kids imitating?

Do you have the same goals and beliefs?

Whether it is about politics, faith, chastity, if you love puppies or not, asking about these important (and semi-silly) questions is important. Your relationship from friend/acquaintance probably won’t progress if you never start on the same page.

Is he trying to become a better version of himself every day?

Is he transparent about his faults, meaning, does he approach you first with his mistakes? Does he apologize unprompted when he screwed up?

Does he help build you into someone better?

Does he distract you, or does he encourage you with kind words and messages when you are struggling with the busiest week ever? Does he want you to ditch your boundaries?

Are you even attracted to him?

I hope I don’t have to explain why this is important.

Does he have relationship goals?

Honestly, dating has two endings. It either ends in a breakup or in marriage. Therefore, do not date someone unless you know what you and your person’s goals are. Do they just want that relationship status on Facebook to change? Do they want to love you like you’re brand new? Some people do. A sweet guy (who wasn’t sweet with his intentions) misled my sorority sister for six months. He only wanted a girlfriend, and she wanted it to move forward. When he realized he didn’t want a girlfriend (a status symbol) anymore, he dumped her.

Look, I know it is hard for you to think about saying goodbye when all you want to do is start something wonderful together with your crush… but would it be wonderful if what you were looking for was already lacking in the person in a BIG way? Wouldn’t that just take away time from you to form a relationship with someone more suited for you?

This article is meant to aim you towards a values-based relationship. This article is supposed to help you realize if we combined the power of our heads and hearts, then we might have better luck discerning our next relationships. Good luck, friend.



Where I received some of this awesome advice:



Jason Evert: How to Save Your Marriage… Before You Meet Your Spouse.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMo6DFnBtm4&rel=0

I suggest watching Jason Evert's talk for at least 30 minutes.



Before the Person :: Relationship Goals (Part 1).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7h5BHax06c&t=3s

I suggest watching Mike's talk for at least ten minutes.

Cover Image Credit: @jonathanpendleton

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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Ladies, Stop Trying To Teach Boys How To Be Your Man If They're Not Even Men In The First Place

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

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I see. this way too often, honestly it upsets me and breaks my heart. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to put her on her Snapchat story. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to get off a video game and spend time with her. It breaks my heart when I see a girl doodling on a napkin at the dinner table and her boyfriend is on his phone and hasn't even looked up at her once. These things break my heart because this girl, whoever she may be, maybe it is you? She deserves a man. What she has though, is a boy. And before you say anything, yes, there is a huge difference.

I was that girl once. I begged and begged my ex-boyfriend all the time to put me on his Snapchat story. You may be reading this and be thinking "Wow she's a little attention seeking." No, that is not it at all. A simple act of being posted about made me feel special, loved, missed at times, and served as reassurance and a word of affirmation for me. Do you want to know something silly? Maybe you've done it too. Sometimes I would do something crazy to get his attention. Something funny, and silly and random just so he would post me on his story and I wouldn't have to ask.

At the dinner table, I was that girl that while he was on his phone I was sliding him notes on a napkin saying "I love you" or "Hi" or funny jokes to get his full and undivided attention.

At home, I was the girl that used to literally throw myself at him while he was playing video games to try and get him to press pause for two minutes and pay attention to me and have a conversation with me.

You see, I was that girl. But I refuse to ever be that girl again. If you are that girl, stop what you're doing.

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

There is a big difference between a boy and a man. Contrary to what society may believe most boys don't actually turn into men until they are almost 40. Scary for us girls right? But here's the kicker and to be honest it has nothing to do with age.

Any boy that is in the process of becoming a man and maturing is going to know how to treat a woman. He is not going to choose video games or his phone over you. He is going to post you everywhere all the time because he wants to show you off to the world and make you feel special. He isn't going to ever leave you wondering.

The list could really go on comparing and contrasting the differences between a boy and a man but the important ones to remember when you are in a relationship are:

1. A boy thinks "me." A man thinks "us"

2. A boy gives false promises. A man honors his commitments (one being you.)

3. A boy cares about how you look in jeans. A man cares about how you look in his future.

4. You will always wonder how a boy feels about you. You will always know how a man feels about you.

All too often I see girls in the act of this. It is almost like they are training a dog or raising a child. They order them around and become demanding when it comes to doing things that make them feel special, validated and reassured. Granted, they are doing this because their relationship is lacking something but the truth is, it shouldn't be lacking something in the first place.

You are dating a boy not a man. I hate to break that to you. I really do. It's the hardest news you'll ever receive. Why? Well because

You can't fix him, you can't teach him, and you can't change a boy into a man. They have to do it on their own

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