Before The Relationship

Before The Relationship

Questions to Ask Before Dating
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Before entering into a romantic relationship with someone, it is wise to discern what you even want in a romantic relationship. Is the person who is the reason for all of your blushes a good fit for your needs? Yes, I said needs. It is smart to acknowledge what you want when it comes to dating. Are you actually going to be supported, appreciated, and (dare I say it?) loved authentically by your crush? Figure that out before you let your emotions run the show. Don’t get me wrong; I hope you have feelings for the person. It would be a shame if you were only attracted to him/her physically or intellectually. Liking only one side of someone means you only like one part of a multidimensional person. Isn’t authentic love about seeing the whole person and loving it all? Aren’t you dating to love someone else like that?

What I’m trying to say is feelings are not everything in a relationship. The heart is not always trustworthy, so bring logic into the equation. I have liked so many guys in the past that would have messed my life up if I had gotten into a relationship with them. Take off your blinders and consider these questions before entering into a relationship with someone. These questions apply to anyone, by the way.

How does this person treat his family?

Does this boy treat his mother with respect? How he treats his mother might be how he treats his future wife.

What do his ex-girlfriends think of him?

Have all of his previous relationships ended in emotional divorce? Has he learned from his past mistakes, if he has made any? Do his actions support his words? ... Because actions are more reliable than a silver tongue’s tales.

How does he treat the women he’s not attracted to?

This is so important! Does he treat women he’s not attracted to with respect? Does he lead them on flirtatiously? Does he look at people as “Mrs. Future Girlfriend?”, because that’s a red flag.

Who are his friends?

If you are dating someone, the people they keep company with are 1) who you will soon be keeping company with and 2) his friends influence him a lot. Are they hard working? Petty? Loyal? Rule breakers? Fun? Gossipers? Does he have friends? If not, why?

Does he share or tolerate your morality?

Ladies, if your core beliefs don’t line up, it will not end well. If you want to start a story with someone, you have to start on the same page.

Do you look up to him?

I’m not asking if he is taller than you because that doesn’t matter. Does he have character traits that you find admirable? Is he someone you would want your future kids imitating?

Do you have the same goals and beliefs?

Whether it is about politics, faith, chastity, if you love puppies or not, asking about these important (and semi-silly) questions is important. Your relationship from friend/acquaintance probably won’t progress if you never start on the same page.

Is he trying to become a better version of himself every day?

Is he transparent about his faults, meaning, does he approach you first with his mistakes? Does he apologize unprompted when he screwed up?

Does he help build you into someone better?

Does he distract you, or does he encourage you with kind words and messages when you are struggling with the busiest week ever? Does he want you to ditch your boundaries?

Are you even attracted to him?

I hope I don’t have to explain why this is important.

Does he have relationship goals?

Honestly, dating has two endings. It either ends in a breakup or in marriage. Therefore, do not date someone unless you know what you and your person’s goals are. Do they just want that relationship status on Facebook to change? Do they want to love you like you’re brand new? Some people do. A sweet guy (who wasn’t sweet with his intentions) misled my sorority sister for six months. He only wanted a girlfriend, and she wanted it to move forward. When he realized he didn’t want a girlfriend (a status symbol) anymore, he dumped her.

Look, I know it is hard for you to think about saying goodbye when all you want to do is start something wonderful together with your crush… but would it be wonderful if what you were looking for was already lacking in the person in a BIG way? Wouldn’t that just take away time from you to form a relationship with someone more suited for you?

This article is meant to aim you towards a values-based relationship. This article is supposed to help you realize if we combined the power of our heads and hearts, then we might have better luck discerning our next relationships. Good luck, friend.



Where I received some of this awesome advice:



Jason Evert: How to Save Your Marriage… Before You Meet Your Spouse.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMo6DFnBtm4&rel=0

I suggest watching Jason Evert's talk for at least 30 minutes.



Before the Person :: Relationship Goals (Part 1).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7h5BHax06c&t=3s

I suggest watching Mike's talk for at least ten minutes.

Cover Image Credit: @jonathanpendleton

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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15 Ways To Support Your Military Significant Other

The military is not like any other job.

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15 ways to support your significant other in the military. Being a MILSO is terrifying, lonely, and frustrating. Here are some tips to get by. YOU GOT THIS!

1. Understand that they will be busy

The military is not a 9-5 job with a lunch break. It could be drill or deployment, remember that they are going to be busy. He/she might not be able to call every night, text you, or answer your texts in a timely manner. They are busy, you should stay busy too.

2. The military is not a job, it is a lifestyle 

Unfortunately, you cannot pick and chose when you are a military spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend. You are expected to act like a MILSO 24/7. You should support them 24/7 and be a listening ear when needed. Your SO does not have a normal job.

3. Become independent

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You will be away from your military significant other for days, weeks, months, or even a year+. This is overwhelming and exhausting. But think of it as an opportunity for you to gain independence, work on your own dreams, and become the person you want to be!

4. Trust, trust, and more trust

Do not take this one lightly. Being a significant other, in any relationship, means trust. You have to believe that they mean what they say. You have to trust them when they cannot answer your texts or calls. Believe that they are doing is important and you can wait.

5. Prepare for deployment

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Unfortunately, this is a very real side of being a MILSO. You never know where and when they are going to leave or for how long. Welcome to the roller coaster (;

6. Do not date them for the benefits 

The job is done because they love their country and want you to be safe, not for the military pay or benefits. It is not glamorous, or worth it just for the health insurance! Do it because you love them.

7. Become a support system

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Support them every day, through words, actions, and reassurance. This job is not easy. Do not be pushy with details. Let your significant other come to you when they are ready.

8. Lean on other MILSOs

Because nobody says you have to do it alone.

9. They are missing you too

Just because they are busy does not mean they are not missing you. Not only do they not have you, but they also do not have their house, bed, family, or even their own country at times!

10. If you have children, be prepared to become both parents 

I, personally, do not have children. However, growing up in a military family, I had my mother play my father role. It is scary but it is possible. Do not expect to be perfect.

11. Be flexible 

When I first started this journey, I thought, "It is the military, when they said he will be home at 6:00 pm, he will be home EXACTLY 6:00 pm!" I could not have been more wrong. FLEXIBILITY IS KEY!

12. The military isn't closed for the holidays

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They will not be home for every holiday, every birthday, or every plan. Plans are made to be changed. Nobody can control the military or its timing. Be prepared to have Christmas in January.

13. Be proud of them 

What they are doing is not easy. It is scary, stressful, exhausting, and time-consuming. They are doing it because they care. Show how proud you are of them.

14. Hug them...all the time

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Appreciate the time you have together. It means the world to both of you.

15. Send packages, letters, texts, ANYTHING

They are looking forward to what you have to say. After their long day, they want to see your texts and packages. Make their job a little more tolerable.

Good Luck, fellow MILSOs! YOU GOT THIS

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