It's been five years, but it still feels like it was yesterday. The day I walked around school with a terrible feeling in my stomach, anticipating bad news. The day I got a text from my father while I was at practice asking if I had my key with me. Why was he home from work so early? Why was he asking if I had my key? I already knew the answer to my questions before I set foot in the door and saw a large picture frame and a duffle bag packed by the door. I knew by the look on my brother's face that my daylong dread had been confirmed: you were gone, and there was nothing I could do.
No one can describe how raw and broken they feel after crying for days on end with family and friends and having to say their final goodbyes. Is it confusion, sadness, or denial? It's impossible to pinpoint one or even several emotions. I still remember those intensely emotional days, and I always wish to forget them forever, because what defined you were not those last few days, but the role you played in my life and the memories we sharedThanksgiving was three days after you left, but it wasn't until I spent time with family on Thanksgiving that I realized it is more important to reflect on the blessing of even having you in my life for as long as you were in it than dwelling on the sadness I felt. I'm beyond lucky to have had a grandfather in my life, one as special as you.
I talk about you without crying, but the tears still fall whenever I remember all of the hugs and kisses, the games we would play, hearing you laugh at whatever crazy thing I was doing, or hearing you say I love you before we left your house every Sunday night. All of these wonderful memories are etched in my brain as clear as day, waiting to remind me of all of the summers and weekends spent with you when I was a little girl. It may get easier, but it doesn't get better.It's been five years, but it still feels like it was yesterday that we would turn the old soda bottles into bowling pins in the garage and you'd watch me play for hours on end. We still talk about the quirky little things you used to do and funny things you used to say to us. It would be impossible to forget someone as special as you, and I hope you know that. We love you, and we miss you.