She's The Type Of Girl I Hope I'll Never Be

She's The Type Of Girl I Hope I'll Never Be

I'll spend my whole life running from her.


I am so independent and that's the only way I know how to be. Independence was encouraged, and of all the things I felt that I needed to defy, that wasn't something I ever questioned. Sometimes I fear I'll never be able to be taken care of the way a person needs to be. No one should have to do everything completely on their own, but that's the path I'm currently on.

Because what scares me more than being alone is being that girl who can't be alone.

That girl who can't stand on her own two feet for too long because she'll lose her way.

That girl who puts her life on hold and doesn't go after exactly what she wants.

She's that girl who only sees herself, along with the rest of the world, through the eyes of a guy. Her judgment is clouded and she just doesn't know it.

I despise that girl.

That girl who doesn't receive all the love she gives out, but only because she isn't distributing it properly, not because she doesn't deserve it.

The girl whose standards are impossibly low, and yet she still finds herself settling.

The girl who steps around everyone's feelings while hers are stomped all over. She fights for attention in all the wrong places from all the wrong people. She's sat all her friends on the back burner until she thinks she'll need them, not realizing they won't be waiting for her return.

I don't want to ever become that girl who thinks the world revolves around her and that she'll have many forevers.

She doesn't realize that time stops for everyone and we only get what we get. She puts everything off until later and she will until there are no laters left.

But "that girl" I'm afraid of isn't any one girl.

She's not the enemy. THAT girl is all the parts of us we run from. It's the other conscious that tries to be louder. It's all the inner thoughts we have to shove aside to get to all the things we aspire to be. That girl might be strong, but I'm stronger.

I don't want to be bitter in my walk through life just because it gets a little lonely. And I don't want to compare myself to or compete with THAT girl.

I want to be the girl with the voice and opinions. I want to know I don't have to do everything on my own, but if I had to, I could do it all better than I could with somebody else holding my hand. I want to be able to balance my life without anyone picking up the slack. I want to fully reciprocate every bit of love I am lucky enough to get. I never want to think settling is acceptable.

Popular Right Now

The Truth About Young Marriage

Different doesn't mean wrong.

When I was a kid, I had an exact picture in my mind of what my life was going to look like. I was definitely not the kind of girl who would get married young, before the age of 25, at least.

And let me tell you, I was just as judgmental as that sentence sounds.

I could not wrap my head around people making life-long commitments before they even had an established life. It’s not my fault that I thought this way, because the majority opinion about young marriage in today’s society is not a supportive one. Over the years, it has become the norm to put off marriage until you have an education and an established career. Basically, this means you put off marriage until you learn how to be an adult, instead of using marriage as a foundation to launch into adulthood.

When young couples get married, people will assume that you are having a baby, and they will say that you’re throwing your life away — it’s inevitable.

It’s safe to say that my perspective changed once I signed my marriage certificate at the age of 18. Although marriage is not always easy and getting married at such a young age definitely sets you up for some extra challenges, there is something to be said about entering into marriage and adulthood at the same time.

SEE ALSO: Finding A Husband In College

Getting married young does not mean giving up your dreams. It means having someone dream your dreams with you. When you get lost along the way, and your dreams and goals seem out of reach, it’s having someone there to point you in the right direction and show you the way back. Despite what people are going to tell you, it definitely doesn’t mean that you are going to miss out on all the experiences life has to offer. It simply means that you get to share all of these great adventures with the person you love most in the world.

And trust me, there is nothing better than that. It doesn’t mean that you are already grown up, it means that you have someone to grow with.

You have someone to stick with you through anything from college classes and changing bodies to negative bank account balances.

You have someone to sit on your used furniture with and talk about what you want to do and who you want to be someday.

Then, when someday comes, you get to look back on all of that and realize what a blessing it is to watch someone grow. Even after just one year of marriage, I look back and I am incredibly proud of my husband. I’m proud of the person he has become, and I’m proud of what we have accomplished together. I can’t wait to see what the rest of our lives have in store for us.

“You can drive at 16, go to war at 18, drink at 21, and retire at 65. So who can say what age you have to be to find your one true love?" — One Tree Hill
Cover Image Credit: Sara Donnelli Photography

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

This One’s For Africa


Read through to the end for an amazing Toto reference.


It's now been a week since I stepped foot on the African continent for the first time in my life. I first visited Johannesburg, where my dad and I spent a day on an 'apartheid tour.'

This tour consisted of visiting Shanty Town, one of the poorest communities in South Africa. The living conditions were indeed different. They had to steal electricity through homemade wires connected to the telephone poles. They had only a few porta potties for ten families to share. They had several spickets to obtain fresh water from. There was no heating in the houses, which were made from pieces of painted aluminum.

Such inconvenient circumstances have come from years of oppression towards black people in South Africa. It was incredibly sad to know that these problems still exist and that apartheid only ended so recently.

On the other hand, the people showed very little anger. Despite their living situations, the people of Shanty Town were so kind and welcoming. Everyone we passed smiled and waved, often even saying hello or asking about our wellbeing.

It brought some serious warmth to our hearts to see their sense of community. Everyone was in it together, and no man was left behind. They created jobs and opportunities for one another. They supported each other.

The next part of the day included a tour of Nelson Mandela's old house. We then made a trip to the Apartheid Museum.

Overall, Johannesburg did not disappoint. The city contains a rich history that human beings as a whole can learn a lot from. Johannesburg is a melting pot that still contains a multitude of issues concerning racism and oppression of certain cultures.

After two days in Johannesburg, my family made our way to Madikwe game reserve, where we stayed at Jaci's Lodge.

The safari experience was absolutely incredible. Quite cold (it's winter in Africa right now), but amazing enough to make up for the shivering. We saw all my favorite animals: giraffes galore, elephants, zebras, impalas, lions, hyenas, wildebeests, rhinos, you name it. While my favorite animal will always be the giraffe, I don't think any sighting could beat when two different herds of elephants passed through a watering hole to fuel up on a drink.

Finally on June 1st, I flew to George to start my program with Africa Media in Mossel Bay. On Sunday, we went on an 'elephant walk.'

The safari was certainly cool, but that makes the elephant walk ice cold. We got to walk alongside two male elephants - one was 25, the other 18. They were so cute!! We got to stroke their skin, trunk, and tusks. They had their own little personalities and were so excited to receive treats (fruits and vegetables) at the end of the journey.

My heart couldn't be more full. Africa, you have become my favorite continent. And it sure is going to take a lot to drag me away from you.

Related Content

Facebook Comments